Im Going to Judge

If you know me, you know I'm the least judgmental person out there.  I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, its just in my nature.  During the Kelli Stapleton trial, I kept my mouth shut.  I haven't commented, not once on the other parents who killed their autistic children.....that is till today.

Maybe its the manner in which Jillian McCabe killed her son... the idea,.....the thoughts that must have been going through that child's mind as his own mother threw him off of a bridge.  Just because a child is non- verbal, does not mean he does not understand.  I read THIS article, and watched the videos....I want to be sick.

I know what it is really.  Its that our boys were the same age....they are both 6.  Both our sons were diagnosed in February 2011.  While our boys are on different levels of the spectrum......today all I could picture was me....throwing my 6 year old off a bridge.  Truth is, I couldn't imagine it.  As difficult as Frankie's issues have been on us, mentally and financially....if I was depressed, I'd kill myself .  To hurt your child..... I have no words.  SO judge me for for judging Jillian McCabe, but I'm going to.  She's an asshole.

Soccer

Yes.....Soccer.  That's the title.....Nothing fancy.  This is what I base my come back on.....Friggen Soccer.

I left blogging for a little because I was tired.  It wasn't some move to gain sympathy and cries to not go like some others do.  I was just tired and out of material.  Frankie did amazing in Kindergarten, and that basically left me with no material.  Its hard to connect sometimes with other special needs families when all you say is "He's doing AMAZING" blah blah blah

Well thankfully for all of you Summer and the first few weeks of school have been less then AMAZING!   Yay Material back!

I thought it was time....it was time to get him involved in some typical kid things.  I right away new we were doing cub scouts and that sign up was done.  Then came a night in August while drinking my second glass of wine and watching some terrible reality show about parents who put their kids in too many sports, I decided I was signing BOTH my kids up for soccer.  

The next morning, I confessed to my husband that in my buzzed state I proceeded to take his credit card from this wallet and sign our kids up for soccer.....oh and not the special needs kind, no no, the typical kind.

So Saturday and Sunday mornings I was to report to the soccer field....3 kids in had, 2 in different age groups on different fields.  My daughter cried the first 2 weeks....then became a Super Star

Hot Pink Socks is mine :)

The boy.....well The boy.   Frankie started out thinking, he LOVED soccer.  He loves to kick the ball, yay soccer.  What we he did not anticipate was kicking that ball and maybe having other people take it, or get run into, or miss a goal, no, that he was not prepared for.  Soccer is over in 2 weeks....and up until this weekend, my son or I left crying from soccer, without fail.  There were days he had social anxiety and would hit, days kids called him a name and he took it to another level, days he threw himself on the floor because he was tired.....days he was ejected from games.

Its hard when parent volunteers are coaching.  They don't know what a child on the spectrum is like....have no clue how to deal with him.  I have this huge sense of guilt as I leave my 4 year old on a field across the grass and hover over my 6 year old praying he won't hit someone.

Last week I made a public wish.  I wished that we could make it through a weekend of soccer without one of us crying.  Saturday is practice and luckily he likes just practice so we made it through all tear free.  I woke up Sunday morning, started at the ceiling and thought....I can't do this, I can't do another Sunday of madness.

Soccer was at 11 and I'm pretty sure I didn't decide till 10 that we would go.  I knew they might be doing pictures that day.... if you know me, I love a good picture and so we got ready.  I did the whole talk in the car, "hands to ourselves, nice words only, if someone says your a loser say I don't care".......I do this everyday.  My stress turned to thankfulness when I saw the guy who runs the soccer club was working with Frankie's group.  I gave him the quick heads up on Frankie's previous weeks.  He put Frankie in goal (F WORDS FFFFFFF)....weeks prior Frankie had been in goal and had a meltdown.  To my surprise Coach K actually got in the goal with Frankie and helped him out, teaching him what he had to do instead of just letting him stand there.  Coach also made HUGE...and I mean HUGE deals out of what Frankie accomplished, the positive reinforcement was over the top, even in my book.  He stayed in goal, he liked it and hour later he was smiling for his team photo.

My wish came True.  This weekend there were no tears at Soccer....Hallelujah.  Only 2 weeks left!

Giving Money to Those who Need?

The back story to yesterdays Question goes like this:

Maybe I shouldn't have asked if you give money to Pan handlers because that's not really what the woman i saw was.

There have been times where i went to pay for something and didn't have enough money.  At least twice its happened at Walgreens, where I walked out all red faced and wished I was the recipient of a person wanting to give out good gestures and pay for my children's diapers.  Any time this has happened, I've said to God out loud, "God, please, if there ever is a person in front of me who is embarrassed like that, please let me have enough money to pay their tab. 

Its never happened......Then yesterday, I ran to walgreens to get diapers of course.  I counted my cash and was pleasantly surprised at how much money I had from painting, I thought maybe I'd buy myself a present for being awesome, maybe some makeup. 

I get to the door and see a woman in her 50's or early 60's smoking a cigarette and shaking, she looked like she had been through the mill.    People are ignoring her and walking away.  She comes up to me and says "Miss, my car is out of gas over in the villas, i just need to get home can I have a few dollars I can........"  Before she finished I blindly reached in my wallet and handed her enough money to get her a half tank in a small car I'm sure....I said, "just take it" and walked away. 

IT was only after that I started thinking maybe she was a career panhandler, with some sob story that wasn't true.  I'm over it now, I rather believe she had no gas and here is why.

This past year was SUPER Shitty for us.  My husband lost 2 jobs and then the Third filed for Bankrupcy protection....all while our paychecks were bouncing all over the place.  I had started my own second business (my first is Thirty-One)  Painting Furniture to make money for things like Pre-school.  Then the company going bankrupt let go half their staff...... Here I was in November, with $124 in the bank with no Christmas gifts for anyone and barley enough money to purchase food since I have a kid with a fancy allergy to Wheat.

I busted my rear painting but was stuck in the predicament of not having the $ to buy the supplies, but not having the portfolio or experience to be demanding large deposits.  SO, I Internet panhandled.

I said a prayer and set up an Indegogo.  I want to add I did not ask family for $ at this point, I don't want people to think they wouldn't help (because they actually did!) but I'm too prideful to ask them to help AGAIN.  My request was for people to help me start my business.  I didn't want people to blindly give me money and think I was going to go wild with it.  I in all honesty wanted to be able to buy supplies so I could work.  You know that whole "if you teach a man to fish " thing.....that  was my idea.

After 25 days, I had three donations....all three from wonderful bloggers who saw a woman in need....not a mooch.  There are a few blogs where people are constantly asking for money, I'm not talking a donate button, i mean True asking constantly.  They become professional pan handlers of the Internet, just like the ones you see in the city.

Here I was, a mom, asking humbly for help and I was ignored because of how people were burned by professional pan handlers.

Like me, I didn't know if this woman was a pro or really out of gas.  What if i just ignored her because I had been scammed before?  So I blindly gave, because people blindly trusted and gave to me.

Its been a few months but, Thank you P, B, &M.  Your help, even if you thought it was small, really cheered a sister up and gave me a little boost.  In The Park is doing amazing and I have you to thank :)

#Typicalmomcrap365

I read a blog not too long ago (but long enough ago for me to forget which one) regarding how PERFECT Instagram can make our lives look.  While I'm sure this topic has been covered many times before, I am going to go as far to say that ALL Social Media sites Skew reality.....we know this right?

Even with us all knowing that what we see on out computer/phone/tablet screens is superficial crap we still feel the pangs of jealousy and longing for our lives to be just as perfect as everyone elses.  I see families of perfect children smiling in perfect outfits  in front of a perfect houses and cringe....why is that not us?

 Why, why, why?  Why are my kids messy?  Why are the kids defiant?  Why cant I manage to do my hair every day?  Why am I not baking some awesomeness for my family?  Why am I a short order cook?  Why is the highlight of my day peeing alone?  Why don't I have a bigger house? Why do I answer the phone like a nasty person?  Why am I overweight?  Why am I not into Crossfit?  Why do I really love savory foods that then land on my hips?  Why don't I home school?  Why didn't I go back to school?   Why WHY does everyone elses life look better then Mine?

Why?  because its not reality.  Because a lot of it is showing off.  I'm not sure if we are looking for acceptance when we post how friggen awesome we are or some sort of validation.  I'm lead to believe is a little of both, but we never realize how crappy we can make others feel....because no one is perfect. 

   I could go on forever on this but let me zoom in on the perfect family photo Phenomena.  I actually do have a few beautiful family photos of the five of us frolicking in the sand.  I don't know how people perceive us because I don't bother to ask and most of the time I don't care.  Its possible that someone may be jealous of these gorgeous photos of us and our children, they look so perfect but let me break it down for you......

On this July day I put all my kids in the car...dressed in friggen WHITE.  I then had to convince my husband it would be fun since on his only day off he had to now have a photo shoot and he thought he needed a hair cut.

Get to the beach to meet our beautiful and talented photographer Kimberly Jean.   My oldest is now off the wall hyper and excited to see her.  Walk 10 miles to the beach site (ok not really) with 3 reluctant children who want Cheetos (they are wearing WHITE).  Take pictures of the baby who is always pretty compliant as the two older children are running through beach grass and picking up tics I'm sure.  Just as we are getting ok with the set up Mosquitos pop up.  Because the photographer is smarter then me, she has bug spray on hand....now spray reluctant kids with bug spray, screaming ensues.  Move to dunes....kids are rolling in dunes, I am having an anxiety attack at the thought of Lyme disease.

Oh look they are hugging..... five seconds later someones being pushed down a sand dune.  As for us getting a group photo, those 2 above were picked out of several shots.  The standing one was achieved by letting Frankie run from the top of the dune down the mountain where I screamed that I was FULL of Helium and he needed to hold on to my leg so I wouldn't float away.....yes that's 100% true.  While the second was us and three very hyper kids,  convulsing and squirming to get out of our arms as we both laughed in disbelief because this is too crazy.  Please God make it stop and pray that this photo shoot comes out ok.

There are so many others that came out perfect through all that and I posted every single one of them to portray My perfect Family.  I mean seriously, we look like some  family models or something.  Then Christmas came and I posted this one....

Right before my son went running through a tree farm demanding we find some treasure....after my youngest threw himself off the box and all during the time my daughter was making these horrible faces.

All of the above are split seconds of what looks like perfection.....in reality its just chaos, real life, honest to God chaos.  Something we all live with and should embrace instead of trying to hide.

I stopped trying to be perfect on social media a long time ago.  Some people think I'm nuts, I think its funny.  I love to show off my messy life, maybe I'm looking for someone to tell me I'm not alone but maybe I'm helping someone realize They are not alone.  I guess its another form of validation. 

So yesterday I started #typicalmomcrap356 on FB, instagram, or whatever.  At least one photo a day of my imperfect, mundane, typical, non pintersty mom life.  I don't like feeling inadequate or imperfect and I don't want to ever make someone else feel like that.

So every day....the good, the bad, the ugly #nofilter

Find some awesome imperfection below!

The Evolution of the Neurotypical Mom

I have been really into Robin Thicke so, this photo and title felt appropriate.

I have been slow to blog recently.  Its not so much that I don't like blogging, as I don't have much Autism based topics to blog about.  I posed the question on Facebook about a month ago in regards to me expanding my topics and how people would feel about it.  Thankfully I got tons of positive responses!

At this point in my life, while Autism does take up a good amount of my time, I have two other children one SUPER typical and one a little soupy.  In 3 years my son has gone from a non verbal classic autism stimmy toddler to a literal, logical, brilliant, mouthy soon to be elementary school 5 year old with some big transition issues.

I started this blog as a place to find myself and to find others who were in the similar situation....it was my life line.  I was negative for a while as most parents are when they start on this road.  I made a promise to myself almost a year ago to not be a negative nelly on this blog....and because of that I made the decision that I needed to branch out Past Autism.

The Neurotypical MOM is me....its not Autism.  Autism consumed a big chunk of my life for a few years.....and now that we have fallen into the groove of this life, its time that I let me out.  The girl who makes jokes, drinks wine, loves shopping, love Robin Thicke.....she needs to make her grand-reappearance. 

So with that, the Blog will touch on everything.....Not just Autism. Here we go, Time to Evolve..... and now a video from my boy Robin #Thicke

It's Been 5 Years

"The value of having a child is not that adults produce children 

but that children produce adults."

I saw that quote on an old friends Facebook....I don't know if is a real quote, or if it's something they made up on their own.  It seemed fitting for today, the day I celebrate the 5th anniversary when someone handed me  a little baby boy and basically said...... he's yours, your responsibility, take care of him, try not to F*ck it up.......

I was 23, I was not married at the time and he was not planned.  My husband (now) and I were having a very good time just being us.  Making money, spending money, drinking, dancing just being awesome 20-somethings.  I was a child on the inside, Its obvious that my generation is staying in this child mode for a lot longer than any other generation in history, but I digress.....I was in the typical frame of mind, party party, me me have kids when I'm 30.  

I carried him the first 20 weeks like it was no big deal, not realizing the responsibility that would be thrust upon me.  I had plans to run back to work, to be the cool mom who still went out with a baby at home.  At my 20 week scan, I was put on bed rest because my cervix was short and was told about 2 soft markers for chromosomal abnormalities....shit got real.  The Irony is....... this is when I began obsessively thinking about Autism.  He was a boy, something was off, I had sonos every week.....I had worked with Autistic kids, I hoped this didn't happen to me too....what if this is going to happen to me too??

July 4th 2008 I swore I would die if i didn't go into labor.  17 hours later on July 5th 2008 my water broke in the hallway.......On July 6th 2008 at 3:02 am a nurse handed me a little baby boy who had almond eyes and was really kind of quiet, just looking at me....he reminded me of the baby Will Smith delivered in Men in Black LOL

I didn't run back to work.   I did the opposite of everything I though, I attachment parented the crap out of that kid.  I did go back to work for 8 months and then quit to be home with him again.  

He changed who I was, I say he saved my life.  Yes, he saved my life.  Truth be told I am not 100% happy with who I have become.  I did not finish college, I am only now starting down the path to having my own business.  I live in a small apartment, I am not particularly organized and I am not the best I could be when it comes to being a wife and mother, BUT I am Happy!   Before my son was born I filled a sort of void in my heart with work, haphazard spending and alcohol.  I had spend a good 5 years being in a constant state of mild depression, constantly trying to fill a spot in my soul with whatever I could find, whatever I thought would make me feel better.  I would feel better....for a short time and then it was Gone.  So 7 years ago God placed my husband in my path via Craig's List (job posting you weirdos, nothing dirty) and 5 years ago the void was filled by a 7lb 3oz little boy.  

Happy Birthday Frankie and Thank you for Saving your Mama <3

We Got Invited!

In my sons soon to be 5 years on earth, he has been invited to 5 birthday Parties.  Is it sad that I know every single one?  The first one we skipped because he was turning 2 the same weekend and we had plans.  Looking back I thought maybe that was my first parenting mistake.  Maybe if I had gone to that first party years ago I would have gotten on the Birthday train.

The second one he cried for close to an hour at, the sight of Elmo and the sound of Happy Birthday being sung sent him into a meltdown that went an hour.....I ended up in a bathroom....and everyone was looking at me.

The third we were late, transitioning was terrible, he cried in a corner.

The fourth again transitioning was terrible, he was aggressive, he was yelling and hitting and people were staring.

After all of those.....we never were invited the next year.  No one is to blame, I blame myself the most.  I personally never had kid parties for Frankie, we spent so much time in therapy and being in this Autism world, I never got him socialized with anyone.  Maybe if I was more social, less anxious about my sons behavior we could have more friends with kids, but my anxieties were too high so, socializing was last on our to do list.

Every time we have gotten a party invitation, I feel like a teenager going on their first date.  SOMEONE WANTS US TO COME?!?!  Every time I dress him nice and get everything lined up and pray for the best while my stomach is in knots.....and 4 out of 5 times we have crashed and burned.  I have sat in my car almost in tears..... its hard for me to think about.  I never want to change who he is, I understand he has different struggles, I just know he wants friends so bad, and its just so hard for him to have them.

So today.....was birthday invite number 5.  Two weeks ago I got an Avengers Themed invite in Frankie's back pack.  Please join us for ______'s Birthday.  WHAT?!?! WE got an invite to his party.....Frankie BIT THAT KID and made him bleed only 3 days before and he still wanted Frankie to come????

So today, Frankie picked out his "Rock Guitar" polo shirt, we got a gift and we made our way to party number 5.  Maybe my mind was more at ease knowing there would be other spectrum kids there, maybe my own relaxed feelings would rub off on him.

So in he ran with all his little friends to a room full of inflatable bounce things.....and a pit forms in my stomach.  You see, until I walked in I forgot that Frankie is afraid of bounce houses....or anything inflatable for that matter.  He does this odd whiny, cry, growling thing and starts wringing his hands.  I stood next to him as he watched the other kids......so up a slide he climbed and DOWN he came.  He ran over all nervous saying he didn't like it....well that lasted 3 minutes because he went and did it a million more times.

The next opportunity for him to freak out was when we had to go eat....but he went, calmly.  He didn't eat because there was no GF options and we ate before we got there (because I knew).  HE got bored and started trying to turn the lights off...then he did get a little upset we had to leave.  I let him play an arcade game which calmed him, he said by to his friends, grabbed a goodie bag and we called it a day.

That was it, it was simple, it was everything I ever hoped for.  I can only Thank his classmates mom for inviting us, even after my son took a chunk out of her sons arm.  Not just a Thank you for Frankie, but a Thank you from me, because this was the kind of pick me up I really truly needed.

Oh....and Thanks for the red Stamp lol