How to not Laugh at Annoying Behavior

So....did you think this was suppose to be some sort of tutorial on how to keep your composure as your child does something wildly hysterical yet socially inappropriate?  Well its not, if anything I ask you if any of you have any tips...other then burring your face in a pillow and hoping he doesn't see.

My kids Love Ni Hao Kai-lan.  Its on for one hour a day from 11-12, which i constantly forget about so I now have to DVR it.  The other night i let them watch one show before bed and both choose Kai Lan....well until Frankie screams "no no, I wasnt Team Umizoomi instead"  The fighting between the 2 small children begins, screaming, crying etc.  To give myself some peace I tell him is has to be Kai-Lan (Lia will cry for hours, where as Frankie will be annoyed for a minute and get over it). 

Kai-Lan  theme song comes one and they are all danicing etc and my son starts doing the FUNNIEST thing I have seen to date.  So if you know the characters to Team Umizoomi you will understand

::Kai La Opening playing::

Frankie: wow Lia look its MILLI!  Holy Cow I see Bot!  I love This Team Umizoomie Episode!  Its GIO.  Team umizoomie is the best show EVER"

He went on and on pretending the show opening was really Team Umizoomi.....and my daughter SOBBED, and sobbed and cried and screamed "stop talking, its kai lan, its kai lan no no its not team umizoomie"

I burred my head in a pillow trying not to laugh.  How can one almost 5 year old big brother ALREADY know how to push his sisters buttons so well? He has trouble understanding emotions but he sure knows how to piss her off. 

My future looks crazy... LOL

The Story of Dinosaur

 This is Dinosaur......He is scheduled for Surgery at 9am tomorrow.  Apparently all the little plastic beads I keep finding around my house are from his tail.  Today he showed me how smart and emotional my son really is. 

In October of 2011, Frankie had to have an MRI which was scheduled by his neurologist.  I'm a tough cookie, Ive pinned my kid down for blood tests, I've held his jaw open to get a strep test, I have even wrapped my legs around him like a snake to let them stick things up his nose.....all the while with a nervous laugh.  I'm not actually laughing, its more of a OMG is this really happening, is this child this strong and combative....I have nothing left but to giggle.  With that being said, when the Social worker warned me about them putting him under, I though pshhh, no big deal.  So the time came to bring my little boy into the room with the Donut.  Again, social worker warns me about how he will go out and its upsetting sometimes, yeah yeah shh whatever.  Me and 4 other people are now holding my son down on a table, a doctor puts the mask on him and unlike anything I have ever seen prior....my sons little body goes limp.  It doesn't look like falling asleep, it looks like dying and then I  started crying.  I was escorted out of the room and told to go walk around for 45 minutes.

I walk around all nervous in this big Fancy Hospital.  Grab a Starbucks and play on my phone.  At this point in our journey Frankie was still not very verbal.  The words were there, but they weren't really used together.  I don't really know what he likes other then Thomas.....so I stumble around the gift shop looking for Thomas or something.  Instead I find a blue t-Rex...that in reality, I wanted.  My son awakes from anethtisia very upset and meets his new pal "dinosaur".

Frankie holds onto dinosaur the whole way home as he babbles about the BIG"O" ......when asked..."dinosaur is from the doctor".....that's the beginning of a friendship. 

About 3 hours ago my son is laying in my bed trying to sleep, he asks for Kangaroo (his other animal).  So I ask him "Frankie, where is Dinosaur?"  All glassy eyed he says to me "mommy I don't love dinosaur anymore.  His tail is broken, his stuff is coming out.  He flew out the window and went away.  I don't love dinosaur and he don't love me"  WHHHAAATTT?

I know better....I'm not sure what he is talking about but, I know he doesn't suddenly NOT love that stuffed animal.  So here I go searching the apartment, the car behind his bed.....and find dinosaur stuffed in a drawer.

I find my son still awake, looking on the verge of tears, still saying he can't love dinosaur anymore.  I show him who I found...he lights up and then is upset again.  He tells me his tail is broken.  Since I'm a crappy sewer I bandaged him up and will have my husband (yes my husband) sew him closed tomorrow. 

I talked to my son, who for some reason or another believed that if dinosaur was broken I would throw him out.  He though he couldn't love him anymore....so he hid him in a drawer and lied to me.  About 2 minutes later he passed out.  He is just too sweet, he made me cry, he is just too sweet.

I don't know if I can handle autism......

What do you say to the person that Googles that phrase? 

I never personally Googled "I dont' know if I can handle Autism".  There were certainly times in the early days, and sometimes even now when it has crossed my mind.  The days you are locked in the house because the idea of chancing a meltdown in public is paralyzing.  The times when you can't get your child to eat anything but goldfish and bread.  When you can't handle the stares of strangers and their disgust as your child punches you in the legs. The night when you hear that little voice say, "What if all this therapy doesn't work, what if he never talks, What in God's name am I doing?!?!"

What do I say to the person who Googles that phrase?

Take a deep breath...I promise it gets better.  Its cliche, I know, but the truth is you will not feel like this everyday, not forever.  My brand of denial was being overly aggressive with my sons therapy.  They said Autism and I said he will grow out of it.  What a mentality....I jumped into therapy.  It took months for it to come out, for me to look at this jumping, grunting child and saying to myself, "How am I going to do this?"

What are YOU looking for when you Google that phrase?

I can't read your mind, but I can try and guess.  Your looking for encouragement, for a light at the end of the tunnel, for some answer. To know that the pain you feel in your heart will subside one day.  

What I hope that YOU find when you Google that phrase?

There are unfortunately many of us feeling just as you do.  We are here as a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on.  I know your pain, we know your pain.  At this point in time there are more questions then answers.  You can seek and believe what you want caused Autism.  Do not beat yourself up for your child's Autism diagnosis.  Regardless of what you think caused it, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  You can handle Autism, sometimes not alone and when those times you need help remember there are other of us out here walking the same path.  The pain will never fully go away, it will subside.  Love your child and love yourself and know there is a light at the end of this journey.