It's difficult to explain how I feel. I wanted to use the word depressed, but that's not so much it....numb? Maybe. The journey to recover your child is long and tedious, stressful and tiring. I just began and I am tired.
I woke up in January and was told a diagnosis. I was painted a pretty picture of the road ahead, a road with bumps and hills but nothing we couldn't handle with a little perseverance. I started down the road with high expectations, climbing little hills, making mountains at what now I realize are mole hills, trekking through thinking this isn't too bad this is hardly a mountain at all........ Then 10 months into your treck you are met with this........mount Everest. So what you mean to tell me was that the 10 month walk I just took was the easy part. See that person standing there in that photo.......that's how I feel. Ill equipped and shocked at the path before my feet. Sure I have some stuff, good sense of direction, clothes and a snack.......but not Everest climbing equipment.
That how I feel. I have been in a constant sense of panic since 2 days ago. Today it got worse, a mess of insurance paper work, referral slips, phone calls, faxes, cups of urine. My daughters dedication is on Sunday and I can't even be happy because i am so overwhelmed at this mountain. I have hurt people's feelings, offended others, forgot things, forgotten people. I've put Frankie ahead of everything and sometimes I think everyone suffered for it.
My baby doesn't just have Autism, he is sick on his insides. Now I face Everest, riddled with Celiacs, protien issues, genetic mutations, metabolic issues and a school district that wants to take our services away....again.
I miss those little rolling hills, I want to hug them and remember when my biggest issue was gettin pg him to listen to quiet feet.....
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