Soooo You mean not EVERYONES child's bedroom door looks like this? I think people think I'm being crass sometimes when I talk about our life, but I cant help it. First let me say, I LOVE my life, I love my family and I love my children. Truth is I have to be honest....and honestly, some days suck and on those sucky sucky days I have to laugh and make fun of my situation.
Do you see that door?......Most people would NOT post that picture on the Internet. They also wouldn't admit to not fixing it because it gives me an easy way to watch my son when he insists on closing the door. Why do I put it up you ask......because I have to laugh at it. I have to laugh at it because the truth hurts. The fact that my child could lock a door and then proceed to turn the light off on himself but NOT be able to understand simple directions on how to turn the light back on. He was in there SCREAMING, at this point he was still really non verbal and only ecolalic. He screamed "turn the light on Frankie" "calm down, turn the light on Frankie"...after 45 minutes I broke the lock out. My husband later told me I should have called him instead of ruining the door, but I couldn't think, my only thought was to take a hammer to the door.
I've called my son Crazy or out of his mind (never in front of him) and I think people nervously laugh, thinking I'M the crazy one for saying that about my son, but they don't have children on the spectrum and there are days where he is CRAZY and I in turn am also crazy.
Yesterday Frankie threw a pillow at a candle before my sister in laws jewelry party. Upon learning of it I laughed and said to a stranger, "well I guess insurance would get her a new house, that would be awesome." The women looked at me like I was insane.....yea I made a joke lady, I made a joke because other wise I would cry. Lia hit her head, everyone freaked, she was fine....I told them shes resilient because her brother threw a toy stroller at her and she didn't blink an eye.....I laughed....they looked at me.
Maybe people think I am laughing at my sons expense, I am just being honest and trying to make it light hearted. I joke because its easier to say " Its ok if Frankie stays 3 forever, I love babies, I can cuddle with him when he is 30" then "my son will never grow up to live alone and have a job or give me grand kids". I wonder sometimes if people un-fan my page because of something I said that was not politically correct or filtered through rose colored glasses. I think most of you mommy's understand, I know you are there with me. One day the others will understand, we are not bitter or unhappy, crass or rude. We are just honest and honestly we have to laugh so we don't cry.
Blimey, I am with you all the way :) x
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness I completely understand what you're talking and can totally relate! Everything you said in this post i have said and feel! I have a 6 yr old autistic son. He is a joy and a challenge all at the same time. I've had to remove my sons doorknob too when he locked himself in there! I often think of this quote that I love by Marjorie Pay Hinckley "The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.” :)
ReplyDeleteI LOVE this post!!!
ReplyDeleteI feel crazy how people treat me!! BUt this is another example of how I am NOT THE CRAZY one!!! wow thank you!!!
Your statement of him not growing up...i feel that, of course we make a joke...because it would be easier to just cry....it takes alot of courage to simply make a joke...if anyone knew what we had to go through on an hourly basis...maybe they wouldnt be so quick to judge...theyd just offer a hug!
So dear I send you a e hug ;0)
Good for You, I talk the same way about my 2 Little sweetnesses. It does freak some people out, but they don't walk in my shoes. I to love my life and my kids, I even chose this life, as My 2 severally disabled are My foster kids, and I love them like my birth kids..Good on YOU Mom, lifes a ride, and our's has much bigger mountains...xoxo
ReplyDeleteI can relate. I tell my hubby all the time that I want our 4 yr old daughter Kylie (non-verbal SN) to stay young forever because what the heck am I gonna do when she learns how to unlock the front door and makes a run for it as fast as she can down the street? :) At 4 she has already figured out how to pull everything down off of the counters & unhinged a couple of cabinet doors. She has fits now where she pulls my hair, scratches & tries to bite me out of frustration or just being tired Laughing definitely keeps me sane. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteLOVE your post!!! It's so true!!! Thanks for making me not feel so "crazy" :)
ReplyDeleteI'm not laughing with you. I agree that a well-placed joke can help lighten a stressful situation. But, such jokes are usually self-effacing, or are otherwise between friends. From the quips you have shared above you risk appearing arrogant, defiant and self indulgent. When any child harms someone else, whether the child is on the spectrum, has ADHD, Downs Syndrome, or any of the range of cognitive or behavioural disorders, you should be careful not to appear to dismiss & mock the situation. Learn a better coping strategy & you will get a great deal more support if you respond with maturity & humility. If you feel mortified & like you want to cry, just say that! Why is it unpalatable to be honest about autism? Your comment to a stranger, "well I guess insurance would get her a new house... awesome", was in poor taste. Yet you are critical when people won't indulge you? This whole 'they don't walk in my shoes' mentality is destructive and does not give us license to treat others with contempt.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.theneurotypicalmom.com/2011/11/i-was-laying-in-bed-with-my-boy-having.html
ReplyDeleteThat is my answer to you "puzzled"
ReplyDeleteAMEN SISTA! I stopped making a joke about my son's non-verbalness and how hard it is to yell for help with sign language while you are pinned under a fallen baby gate. Honestly, some people have no DEPTH! In this age of political correctness I found myself explaining why this is so hilarious, that my son was not injured and how PROUD iwas of his mastery of a more difficult (two handed) sign.....nothing...want to have a guy with a snare drum and a cymbal follow me around..maybe theres an app for that! You go, and go big, Moms and Dads that get this are applauding around the world! This ones' from Ottawa, Ontario Canada!
ReplyDeleteOMG you made me LOL. Much Love Karen! I said Frankie was acting Crazy one day and a friend looked at me like I was some psycho. Again I do not use that language infront of him because all I need is him going to school saying "I crazy", but sometimes he does act like it. I dont have to be politically correct if he is MINE...... geez haha. THat is really funny about the baby gate....and I am sure there is an app for thAT!
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