12 hours ago I put my children in the car in a rush to get to church. 10:10 I sat in the driver seat, turned the key and heard "click"....."click"......"click"......Dear God NO. I have always made the snotty comment to my husband (because his newer car has cost us a pretty penny) that while my jeep is an old tank of a car, it NEVER breaks down....well that was till today. Running around like a maniac, remember my mothers car is here....10:25, try to jump the car with my mothers(who is away for the weekend) children screaming....let good car run and run....try to turn on mine....NOTHING more clicking. 10:45.....defeat.....Children screaming, The boy has poop and a bloody diaper rash thing going on, back in the house. 11am, there is no way i am making it to Church, where I am suppose to be working in the nursery.....utter disaster.
Last week my husband broke his cap on his front tooth, we don't have dental insurance. The looming bill hangs over my head. When the reality that my car could have more than a battery problem came into my mind.....I lost it. Here we are bringing in 19% less then we did last year, i cant handle this is all I can think. One of those, WTF did I do to be handed this card in life. That thought that if you are religious like me, you look to God and say, when is it going to stop piling up on me? Day in and Day out I pray just to keep things Status Quo and then I pray that if i ever stumble upon millions of dollars that my dream would be to give the money to others...I want to be Oprah, i just want to give it away. But still with all my good intentions, thoughts and actions I get another layer of stress added on nice and thick.
Boy is stimmy....oh so stimmy and bonkers. I was running low of Behavior Balance and didn't buy a new bottle. Maybe it was the skeptic in me, the doctor said he didn't find those things did much, so I didn't buy more and stopped giving it to him.....MISTAKE. Between the tree and the lack of DMG and B6 in Frankie's life he was manic, shaking his head like I had never seen......there was about 2 doses left in the bottle and I said screw this test and shoved it in his mouth, I will get a new bottle tomorrow.
I sat to write a Blog, some horribly nasty I HATE AUTISM and everything else blog, a why me, why did I get every crappy card in this game of life. I sat here and stopped, its just not me and its not ok. I put on Church on TV to charge up my batteries that were on about 5% faith, prayed for something, anything.
So i got into this Mentality
With spirits renewed, I drop Frankie off at grandmas...she wants to bring him to the Ecology center. As I am putting my baby girl in the car my father in law comes over and hands me a gift card. He says "here its $25...its real" He is a man of few words, I use to live in his house so we have a good relationship but, me and my husband like to joke that he speaks in grunts lol (I actually loled, oh man). It was awkward, but I was very thankful. I went to get a coffee with the $5 in my wallet, I was met by a sweet girl who gave me 5 munchkins for free just because the baby was cute. Hmmm, how cute, i suppose there are good people in the world.
Yes all these things are small, but little small things do make a difference. Had dinner with the in laws, brought the kids home, baby went to bed. Next thing I see Frankie at the table, he is eating Goldfish and unwrapping some ribbon out. I am putting away form clothes and look back over and see that he is putting ribbon on the Ipad saying how pretty it is, I smile, he is so cute. Fold some more clothes and hear the most excited "Ohhh what a Beautiful Ipad!!!" I look over again to see this......
Ah yes, it seems he learned how to open glitter bottles.....great job OT! I couldn't get mad, I calmly said "we don't put glitter on Ipads" and vacuumed it up.....made a very nice snow globe in the canister.
11 hours after the day started in disaster, my husband came home with wings......he came home with wings and his broken front tooth. He said "guess what? I think my boss is going to pay for my tooth to get fixed". What?! I say. He tells me how boss had been away and didn't know. Frank mentioned we didn't have insurance, so while he was going to have it fixed, it just couldn't be right now because we didn't have the money. Later Boss says "lets talk tomorrow about that, we will figure it out".
12 hours later, I am in a different place. 12 hours ago I threw my hands up and almost said F- this. I was tired, tired of all this BS. In 12 hours my faith was renewed. Even with all the crappy stuff that happens, and nutty behavior, I realized I am blessed, I really am blessed. I'm happy I just carried on and didn't let today take me down.......because all that glitter.....well That was really just hysterical
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