Emotional Breakdown take 2

I have alcoholic tendencies.  At this point in my life I don't really drink because while I'm not a full blown alcoholic, if you put it in front of me I will drink it, and then I will want another and I will finish that too and probably want another....maybe that is alcoholism?

This is the first time in my life that I have gone through something this stressful with out alcohol.  Drinking is self medication, it helps you numb the stress, the emotions.  So maybe things going on in my life are magnified because I'm just not use to it being so raw.  Most of my days are good days, but then there are days like today that are bad.  I should be happy today because my baby made pee pee on the potty 2 x today AND he said a full sentence!

I am this strong looking mom on the outside but I'm not.  I sit here most days and do nothing.  My bathroom is horrific, the wash is never put away, forget about the dishes. Since around January, I can not get myself going.  I know it will pass but I wish I knew when.  All i do is the kids, I handle the children and even then I don't do my best.  The husband ususally ends up doing mountains of dishes and taking out the garbage, he cleans the toilet and put away the clothes, I feel bad, its my job and Im not doing it.  Someone said something about late onset post pardom......who knows, I do know I got sad after having the boy so its possible.  I'm not severe, I'm not going to flip out, but I am going to cry and I am going to want to be alone.

I should count my blessings, two beautiful children, a home, food, water, clothing.....and like a said in my status......a husband who gets out of bed and starts our families day when I rather lay in bed and sleep the world away. I feel bad because I don't really share much about my feelings and people don't realize. 

I'll be better tomorrow :/