The NT Moms Super Silly Birthday!

So Yesterday I turned 21 + 6.......ok 27.  They say if something traumatising happens to you at a certain age you mentally stay that age forever....I don't 100% buy that but, I do still feel 19.  So its either somewhat true or a coincidence that s*it hit the fan at 19 and that's the age I feel.  Since the birth of LP I forget my birthday, and fail to feel as i got any older.  To be honest I don't think I was ever 24!  I had my son and 2 weeks later I turned 24.....I don't know where that year went.  Its as though birthdays become unimportant as you age and have children.  Maybe  its just me, but its not that I resent birthdays because I don't want to get old, I just don't really care.  Every year everyone asks me what i want and every year I say nothing.  Honestly, I want world peace and a stable economy.  That's sounds silly  and sarcastic but I'm serious, that would be awesome, If I could give my gifts to someone who needed them more, i would be happy. 

Yesterday had to be the most jam packed adventurous day i ever had with the kids, or ever had on my birthday.  First stop, the Beach.  Husband had run a half marathon that morning and had to go to work so I spent most of the day with the kids.  We headed to Long Beach to see Grandpa Joe and Mima and spend the morning at the beach.  This was Baby Divas first time at the beach and LP's 4th.  Last year he was scared of the sand, he wouldn't touch it and he wouldn't go near the ocean, he had never been in the ocean.  Well have times change. I regret not bringing my camera!  He had watched a bunch of shows about going to the beach, so he sad there and dug in the sand singing songs about building sand castles.  Then later we got him in the ocean.....and as i predicted, it was difficult getting him out, or getting him to understand that HE CAN NOT SWIM!  The child has no fear with the water suddenly this summer.....which would be nice if he realized he cant swim.  He wants us to let go and he wants to try to swim to the other person...being a former swim instructor this is half the battle you have with the kids.  But the difference is that mine doesn't understand to close his mouth!  When I taught kids, they closed their mouths, they understood the cause and effect....LP does not.  He comes up coughing and almost vomiting......all with a HUGE smile on his face :). 

Next stop BBQ.......once again more bodies of water and I ended up having to go in the pool.  He loves the pool, end of story.  There was dog at the BBQ and for the first time he sat there and pet the dog instead of hitting it in the face(he does that to our dogs).  He sat and pet him and tried to feed him grass.  He wasn't understanding why the dog wouldn't want to eat grass.....this kids too funny.



Last stop to see husband at work.  It was Karaoke night at the Chili Grill so husbands fam was all there so we had some food, some cake.  Hubs sang a song to me, he's cute, it was a little embarrassing but that's ok, it was great.  LP did great all night......except he fell off of his new scooter and split his lip open.  Well, we did great except for the lip thing.....not that he didn't just get back on after he was done.  He really needs to work on his coordination :(  He will get there!  Great day, good times :)

Having Children Means.....Always smelling a hint of Urine

I'm frustrated with potty training.  Every 30 minutes I'm suppose to drag this kid to the toilet and have him sit there for 10.  And sit he does, and talk about pee pee, and talk about poo poo and talk about flushing and scream at his Privates "PEE PEES OUT!"  In 2 weeks he has peed 4 times.  I suppose that's good, but I am frustrated that he seems to either A. still not understand the sensation of urinating or B. he is being a brat and holding it in so he can pee in a diaper.  The other day he held it for 3 hours.....that's 6 potty runs....only to pee in the Pull up 5 minutes later.  And pull-ups are expensive!!! No pee in Pull-ups!!!  I'm tired of pee in diapers and I'm super tired of Poop in diapers. 

I'm told to flood his system with water so he will go on the toilet.  Last night this led to a kid who held it in until he went to bed.  This morning a pee soaked child crawled into bed with me.  I mean SOAKED in pee, everywhere on his shirt too, he exploded a diaper.  He went to Grandmas tonight and I am hot washing all bed linens.  I'm so sick of urine. 

Our Atypically Typical Thursday......

Ok it was Typical but, so wacky....I'm not sure what was better......maybe i rather have the Atypical day.  So we woke up and LP had his bowl of cereal and yogurt with the magic stuff mixed in.  That morning we didn't have a morning session because One of the ladies was on vacation so it was just us and the kids.  I spend the morning.....well day actually.....placing my son on the toilet every 30 minutes trying to get him to pee in it.  He is too smart......he was holding it in  and peeing in the pull up after he would sit....ugh Drive me crazy!

A few hours into our day my son decided he was going to play.  He asked me for "duh basket" which is a noodle bucket his teacher brought filled with pasta and small toys.  Well that's when the magic started!  If you follow my facebook I posted a video of LP playing appropriately, its just too funny!  If you didn't see it, here it is! 

Afternoon rolls around and Speech comes and she decides that we should go play with the girl next door who's brother is also one of her students.  I've mentioned before that there are 5 kids on my block on the spectrum, we share therapists.  So we went to play with Girl Next door (GN) who is only 2 months younger then my son....she is really the cutest, and so patient.  GN says she wants to play hopscotch.....that's a new word for LP.  We tell her to show LP how to hop.....which she does!  Now this is the same kid that 2 months ago when evaluated for PT could NOT hop forward.....here he is now hopping behind GN all the way to her house.  Hop, Hop, Hop.......they stop, he looks at her and gives her a big hug.  I  melt, I think my son should grow up and marry GN.  Being that her brother is on the spectrum I think she would be the perfect wife, she would know how to deal with him.....and deal she did.  She let him jump and run away form her, she had a conversation with him (we fed them both the dialogue), it was fantastic.  They ran back to GN's house and played on the swing for a few minutes.  GN's mom is pregnant with baby #4......God Bless her, I don't know how she does it, she looks great.  I can't believe he played, he played with a girl and he had a good time!

Later I brought him to Target and decided since he was doing so well that I would let him walk, and walk he did.  Ok, maybe he hopped, now all he wanted to do was hop, hop hop hop and talk about Auto Zone (he memorizes commercials he sees only once ) and tasting the rainbow.  Hopping around the store saying things in full sentences, "why you do that mama"  "that fall down mama" "ooo That's sister, she crying"  "look mama, shampoo ooo Conditoning (conditioner)  "  I was dying, he was cracking me up, hopping around being a 3 year old.  His behaviors weren't even spectrum behaviors, they were three year old behaviors!!!

Great day!  My only issue was at night I gave him behavior balance.....which I read was a stimulant.  So he fell asleep, only to wake up 1/2 hour later shaking and crying as if he had a nightmare.  He was talking in jargon and doing weird shoulder things.  I don't think it was the medicine, he took some today and nothing happened.

I fell asleep after I wrote the above and now have lost my train of though.....well Enjoy your Saturday!!

The Child Free Debate

Yea, I'm not even going to be nice about this.  I'm not going to be diplomatic, I'm just going to be angry.  I'm going to be angry especially at those with no children.  There is a new trend lately in this country apparently which involves segregating kids from certain restaurants, airlines, hotels, theaters etc.

Dr. Laura posted a status question asking people their opinions and a majority of them were in favor.  Now I agree that maybe you shouldn't have your kid at a $100 a plate steakhouse,  but isn't it up to the parent to decide if their child is well enough behaved.  Damn, I mean seriously, my kids are well behaved when we go out to eat as long as I bring an arsenal of toys for the baby and  the Ipad for my son.  Who are you to say my child can't come through your doors?  We have tolerance for different faiths, race's , sexual orientation, immigration status, but we can't have a little respect for a child.

The argument is that there are so many beastly children with Sh*tty parents that we can't allow any kids in.  Having worked in the restaurant industry for many years prior to motherhood, I'm convinced people are blowing this out of proportion.  I can tell you most of the time parents were doing their best to keep their children under control, screaming kids were taken out, impatient children were given something to do and everyone had a great time.  I will say one time I did see a horrible parent with crazy kids.....I kid you not....it was Dina Lohan....the mother of Lyndsey Lohan.  That woman was a train wreck with train wreck children.  She still lived in town when she wasn't out drinking with her daughter.  Her two pre-teen kids literally were running around the restaurant on those stupid skate shoes.  They were around 10 and 12.....they were worse then toddlers.

My last issue with people and their no children rule is that they assume that all parents who have a screaming child are horrible parents.  When I posed the question "what happens if the child is Autistic and can not be controlled at that moment?  Is it right to assume I am a horrible parent?"  A women responded to me "that's not my problem, i want to eat in peace, you shouldn't bring your Autistic child out"  So there you go.  I am so F*cking tired of having to have tolerance for everyone else but no one has it for us.  This is the land of the free right?  Sure your free to ban kids, but then you should be allowed to ban Christians and Chinese people or Illegal Immigrants....oh yea that's right you cant do THAT.  OK I'm done.  Sorry if I offended anyone but I needed to get that out :)

Playdate or Play Disaster?

Ahhhh, this is my son at around 18 months.....around the time I believed that he had started the terrible twos early.  I think this may have been one of the last play dates I went on.....that is up until recently.

I remember being afraid to bring him places, afraid of what he might do or react.  At around 18-22 months he was a huge pusher/hitter.  Unless I was literally on top of him, I ran the risk of him hurting another child.  I always felt like other moms thought I was blowing them off, and I suppose in a sense I did.  I would "forget" or make up excuses all because I didn't want people to look at me and think I was a bad parent, at that point I thought I was.

I can remember one time I was brought to tears because I thought my child must be insane.  I met up with some friends at a local strip mall to have breakfast and go baby shopping (I was about 5 months pregnant at this point).  LP must have been about 21 months old and for some reason i felt like it was a good idea to take him out of my car with out his stroller.  I suppose I wanted to look normal and stupidly thought my son could handle walking.  So walk we did and we had breakfast.....well I had breakfast and he stared at some birds and ran around and ignored everything I said.  I could see the disapproval in the eyes of my friends, I heard then implying I was not putting my foot down and that my son just needed tough love.  After we ate I wanted to go get the stroller because the idea of walking around with this kid seemed impossible.  Once again I listened to others who said my son needed to get over it and i had to stop babying him.  Well let me tell you that's the last time I don't trust my instinct.  Here I was, pregnant in the heat, dragging a screaming toddler who had no language and no way to communicate to me.  He tried to run off in the parking lot, he slammed his head on the floor.....and the whole time I was stared at, everyone thinking I made my child like this.  It was the first time I felt so embarrassed at my child, if I had known the problem I wouldn't have been, but at that point I thought it was all my fault and that my child was horrible.  I did not leave my house to be with people that weren't family for another 7 months.......because 7 months later I found out this wasn't my fault.

Things are better now that we get ABA, I can take my boy out with friends, I can take him to the park.  Its not always easy and sometimes I have to leave.  For those who are just starting this journey, always remember to trust your gut.  Also remember to tell people what they can do with their opinions.  A lot of the mourning and crying I did was over the fact that i listened to others and believed I had a demon child and treated him as such.  I'm not proud of secluding him or myself, I'm not proud of how I treated him.  I felt I hurt him those months where I resorted to punishing him and spanking him because that had to be the way if he wasn't responding to everything else.

If you are the parent, remember what i said, listen to yourself forget everyone else and take you kid out to see the things they love.  If they melt down, if someone looks at you or comments, tell them where to go.  And if you are one of those people who is in the store or the park that wants to open their mouth about how someones kid is acting, shut your mouth and turn your head.  Even if that persons kid does not have special needs.....no one wants to hear how you think they suck at parenting.

Sharing the Struggle....one day at a time

Thank you NT mom readers for sharing the struggle, for your kind words and encouragement.  I am not a huge fan of my blog becoming a crying board for me, I want it to be a story of my sons progress and a place of support for others.  I quickly realized, that the struggle of sadness and isolation is part of my sons progress and that sometimes the author needs support too!

There are so many people in my life that love me, and sometimes that love hurts me more then it helps.  My sadness is not because of my marriage, its not anything my husband did, its not because of my living situation, its not money, its not even Autism sometimes.  It's waking up one day and realizing you are a different person, and you don't even know if you like her.  This new person is a bitch and she doesn't take care of her self or her family.  This person has snapped at her own children and punished them out of anger.  This person doesn't shower daily, not because she doesn't have time but because she is too lazy.  This person isn't affectionate to her husband because she forgot that sometimes someone might just want a hug.  This person doesn't make diaper cakes or headbands anymore because its too much work (this was my favorite past time),  This person told her husband to STFU because he asked if she was watching a show.  I could go on forever about this person I have become.  She sucks, she really does.

Like I said in my Remember You post, I'm doing everything one day at a time.  Today I will put on contacts and ditch the glasses, I will even go outside and go visit my husband @ the Chili Grill.  I will probably take a shower later and make a headband to send to someone special.  One day at a time, I know you cant be the same person you were when you were younger.  Seriously though, I loved 22 year old me, I mean, she might have went out a lot, but she was happy and confident and fun.  There are days I see glimmers of her, the less stressed, less frustrated 22 year old in me.  I don't need all aspects of her back, she really drank too much and smoked too many cigarettes, but maybe 50% of her.  I'm sure she will be back for Christmas......

 OK but maybe not this crazy :).....this picture makes me laugh every time

On a positive note

my son is running around "where Plex" and here I am trying to figure out what a plex is, thinking it must be something important that I can't understand, is it a food? Does he have poop?  That is till i realized he was looking actually saying what he meant, he was looking for Plex from yo gabba gabba.

Today my little man has so far peed in the toilet twice and he didn't even cry about flushing!  He also used a full sentence!  Kim his teacher was looking at his fish with him and said "what is the fish doing?"  LP said "swimming" then she said "what color is your fish?" and LP said "he is blue, he is swimming!"  He is doing a great job today.  I think I'm going to go for a walk in a little, fresh air would be nice :)