My Coping Skill are Fine Thank You

 

I was laying in bed with my boy having a fantastic cuddle time when we decided to check the Blog out.  The comments are great, the encouragement and compliments are greatly appreciated and then I stumbled on this comment from "Puzzled" : 

"I'm not laughing with you. I agree that a well-placed joke can help lighten a stressful situation. But, such jokes are usually self-effacing, or are otherwise between friends. From the quips you have shared above you risk appearing arrogant, defiant and self indulgent. When any child harms someone else, whether the child is on the spectrum, has ADHD, Downs Syndrome, or any of the range of cognitive or behavioural disorders, you should be careful not to appear to dismiss & mock the situation. Learn a better coping strategy & you will get a great deal more support if you respond with maturity & humility. If you feel mortified & like you want to cry, just say that! Why is it unpalatable to be honest about autism? Your comment to a stranger, "well I guess insurance would get her a new house... awesome", was in poor taste. Yet you are critical when people won't indulge you? This whole 'they don't walk in my shoes' mentality is destructive and does not give us license to treat others with contempt."

Now for my rebuttal.   I was very taken aback by many of the assumptions made in regards to my blog post.  Granted I know you didn't say that I actually was arrogant, defiant or self indulgent but to make the comment that I could be seen as those lovely adjectives was a tad bit harsh.  I think by assuming you know everything about my situation and who I am by one blog post can be seen as Arrogant.  

Never in that post did I say that I don't fix my sons behaviors.  If and when my son hurts another child or person the proper measures are taken to insure that he understands it was NOT ok and that it does not happen again.  As for the candle incident I was not there, my in laws had my son, I was told about it hours later.  If I was there I WOULD NOT dismiss the situation that occurred and I would take care of it properly according to our behavioral plan.  As for the stranger that gave me a look, maybe I was harsh towards her.....but she is also the same woman who kneed my one year old daughter in the face because she ASSUMED she was a Dog.  Why thinking kneeing a 10 pound dog is acceptable either is beyond me, but I digress. 

You ask why it is "unpalatable" to be honest about Autism....I am being honest about Autism.  This is it....I'm laying it all out for ya right here.  My coping skills are fine, this is my coping skills.  I am not saying it is not ok to cry, but I rather have my children and my husband see me as a happy mother then a mother who is sobbing in self wallowing pitty day in and day out because my son has run into the street over and over no matter how many times the issue is corrected, over corrected, disciplined, ignored.....I refuse to let this take over who I am as a person so that I can cry all day.  Because THAT IS AUTISM, a crappy disorder that can bring a Grown man to his knees in tears.  

I have no Idea if you have a child on the spectrum, nor am I going to assume you do or you don't.  The comment you made:

"This whole 'they don't walk in my shoes' mentality is destructive and does not give us license to treat others with contempt.""

 is garbage.  I never have held others in contempt.  Constantly I have strangers mouth off to me about my son.  They ask why he doesn't talk, why is he screaming, why is he spinning, he should be nicer, he should be quiet, he should not be running.  They roll their eyes at me, they give me looks of disgust and the ENTIRE TIME I shut my mouth and say nothing as to be respectful.  Don't you think its those people who are taking license to treat me and my child with contempt?  Just a thought.  

And here some more fuel for your fire...see that picture.  That was before my son was diagnosed.  That day I was so frustrated with him, he was non verbal, extremely stimmy, throwing things, slamming his head into the wall.....I remember it was just a horrific day.  SO I took a pic and sent it to my cousin and told her I was sending him on the train to her and he would be there in 45 minutes, just look for the sign that said "Murray".  And after I took this pic I took the sign off and cuddled with my son and told him I LOVED him more than anything, and then I CRIED and rocked my baby to sleep because I had no idea what was wrong with him or how to fix it.....2 months later I found out what was wrong, and I STILL don't know how to fix it.  This is my life and Im going to laugh.   Thank you.

I'm Supermom, an Autism diagnosis will never get me down......yea right

I wonder if its possible to be in denial for 4 months? Ok, maybe its not denial that i exactly suffer from, but instead extreme optimism. After LP's diagnosis, I thought to myself, "ok this is ok, we can do this" I smiled at the psychologist and said "That's what I thought it was, great at least now I know". I then began an aggressive Early Intervention program and read everything I could about Autism.

I never cried. I had the optimism that since it seemed to be a High Functioning form that my son would be perfectly fine. He would grow up to be the Aspie type, have a job, live alone, get married, have kids. I never have doubted any of those things in my mind until last week.

I told myself I would never get down, I would always be positive......that is until transition tantrum 500,000. LP has been through another round of evaluations, which once again placed him below what I expected. No matter how much he can read and memorize, the fact that he cant have an actual conversation with you that's not scripted puts him at a lower percentile compared to other kids.

In four months I never broke down.....the last 2 weeks I think I have broken down at least 4 times. I'm going to get all cliche now and say things like....I never pictured this as our life, I'm mourning the perfect child I wanted, parenting shouldn't be this difficult, I just want to go to a mom and me group with out my son running and jumping uncontrollably, I want strangers to stop staring, I don't want to be anxious about LP, I don't want to fight with my spouse about how to handle things with LP, I want to leave my son in Sunday school without disrupting the whole class, I want my son to understand that things are dangerous, I want regular discipline to work, i want to shower without worrying that LP has jumped off a chair or dresser......I could go on forever.

Don't get me wrong, in 4 months my son has gone from non verbal to reading. He has learned to sit and stand, give strangers hugs, give kisses, say Hi and Bye, ask for food or a drink, hold hands while we walk, love his sister to death, take a bath without crying, learn to love the pool.....and best of all, tell me he loves me.

Its a long road we are on.....i hit some bumps this week.....I'll be more optimistic tomorrow, i promise!