Typical Shmipical

I was getting depressed for a minute.  This is a bad time of year for me, its IEP time....and this year I should have been signing my son up for Kindergarten.  So with my mind in that yucky place, the place where i go through a million pages of paper work that point out all of my sons deficiencies with a few "he's such a sweet happy boy"s thrown in.  I read another blog post about our kids having issues playing sports and how mothers of typical kids shouldn't complain because our kids can't play team sports.  Then I came upon this......

Then I almost started crying.  I already had my gears working in my head about how when Frankie is an adult I can buy this house from my mom and stepfather and then Frankie can live in the apartment that is our apartment now since he is DOOMED to never get married or be a capable adult. 

Then I snapped out of it.  I suppose this photo was made for shock value.  It was made to freak people into awareness.  I'm not a big fan of freaking people out, because I DON'T like being freaked out.

 My son CAN play team sports, he plays sports with his fellow ASD friends.  Is it as fluid and organized as typical soccer....NO....but hes gaining social skills and there is no one to giggle at him when he runs to the wrong goal.  My neighbors son who is on the spectrum is 9.....and guess what, he plays football with typical kids.  Here is a secret, I am "typical" and I am terrible at sports.  My sport was swimming.....I was on swim team , which is an isolating sport.  My event was the 500, 20 laps, 7+minutes to be alone with my thoughts.  My son could have been born typical and STILL been crappy at teams sports, just like his mama.  :)

As for the photo....Most people will not achieve their dream or traveling the world because of finances and Life not Autism.   Many typical children won't live independently because its easier to live with mom and dad not because of Autism.  Many will not serve their country because they don't believe in war not Autism.  Many will not be leaders because honestly, being a follower is easier not because of Autism.  Some men will not fall in love, get married or raise kids because they like the bachelor lifestyle (that our culture glorifies) not because of Autism. 

I could have birthed a child who was completely typical and he too could have never done any of the above.  There is no point for me to be sitting here worrying about what he wont do.  I will never be helping my son on focusing on what he may not do. 

Typical Frankie could have been great at sports, done to a D1 school for football and injured himself his first year.  He could have then decided to pursue a career in rap while living in my basement.  As his career didn't flourish and he worked at the bank near by he would have met several girls at the club and decided living the playa lifestyle was the way to go.  He would go on to make decent money at the bank but never chose management because there is too much stress and just sitting back collecting money is easier.  He would toy with the idea of buying a house and then realizes with taxes being about 10k a year and houses averaging 400k in our area he may as well stay in the one bedroom  apartment in my basement.  At 50 he will find a woman to be his old age companion but still refuses to get married.  They stay in our house because at that point we will be in our 70's and we need some help.........

Frankie with Autism got thousands of hours of therapy in his first years of life.  He had to struggle a little harder to socialize and be on par with the rest of his peers.  In HS he had a few friends and excelled in academics.  He went to college and chose a career path where he could work and excel and his job was not socially centered, more technical.  He became a leader in his field because of his intelligence, not so much social skills.  He marries a childhood friend who also has ASD, they understand each other and have similar issues.  They have children who they monitor closely (maybe choose not to vaccinate or feed Gluten too lol) and they make enough money to put me and my husband in a fancy assisted living situation and never have to move back in ;)

Neither one of these might happen, but the truth is my sons Autism won't define his life.  I can't sit here and worry about the future, I need to be here for my son today.  I don't think scaring people about Autism is the way to get our voices heard.  It was because of those shock tactics that when i realized my son had Autism I sobbed and made the assumption he would never speak (we see that didn't happen).  I'm done comparing myself to other moms and I'm done comparing my son to other kids, he is Frankie, plain and simple, he will find his way in life and I will love whatever path he takes.

He Works So Hard

Today I saw this Photo......

 

It came from Autism Spectrum Disorder, through their Eyes

It made me think.  

Next to me on the couch is a boy 3 months shy of 5.  For the last 2 years he has endured at minimum THREE hours or therapy 5 times a week and at most SIX.

At TWO and a HALF he began 2x 90min a day of ABA therapy.  Two times during the week you could also throw in a 45 minute session of Speech therapy.  

While other kids his age were at play groups and at the park, my baby was in a chair or on the floor with a skilled therapist teaching him how to play, how to listen, how to talk.  

Days were long, we were isolated.  In the beginning he would scream the whole time, other times he would throw things, try to flip a table.  This was his life, this was his normal.  

At 3 I placed him on a bus.....I placed him on a bus to a school where the school day was 6 hours and the commute was 20 minutes each way.  He gets, OT, PT, Speech, Group Play Therapy and Individual Therapy.  

He is a little boy, and he has the course load of a college kid.  I know at the end of the day it's all worth it....but he really is still just a baby <3

A 2 week Headache

I have had a pain in my head for two weeks. 

Ive been told to go to the doctor by people....but I know its stress....or a pinched nerve.

People say that blogging should be easier when things are crappy.....for me it isn't.  I have a million things running through my head and putting them down into words is more stressful then anything. 

My son started an Autism Program in Septemeber.  Last year he was in a self contained classroom and never had any violent behaviors....never.  Now he kicks, spits, bites, hits....all learned behaviors from his classroom friends. 

Yesterday I was called and told he was restrained for 15 minutes by 2 women because he was "having an intense outburts"  when i asked if I could come down they said it wasn't necessary since it was the end of the day.  I was then asked to sign a paper saying restraining could be added to his Behavior plan.

I got the speech that all schools restrain.  I was told that his behaviors starting when he got into a new program were a coincidence.  I was told emergency placement would be difficult.  I was told I didnt have to sign. 

I don't feel right.  If they did this to a typical kid people would go crazy.....but because he has Autism.....its just part of the plan....

Just Kids

It's Done, school is picked.....Just Kids is the one!.....I'm happy and nervous at the same time.   We went back to see the school one more time, this time with Kids in class and not on the playground.   I felt better this time, I felt like this would be a good place for the boy.

It was so cute, they had an underwater theme going on this time.  A door to one classroom had jelly fish tentacles at the door.  LP looked comfortable.  I'm sure he will transition better then I will.  I guess I am nervous because he actually will not be in an Autism program, just a regular special ed class....whatever that really means.  If there are any kids in these classes that are on the spectrum, they are on the higher end like my buddy here.

Just got the paper work in the mail too, oh I'm so nervous!  The idea of school supplies.....when I pictured my kids growing up, I didn't plan on school will at least five.  In the packet was even the list of events and topics they learn through the year.....so cute.  I'm so proud of my little guy and the progress he has made.  To think how far he has come in such a short time.  I feel like I am sending him to college.  *Sigh*......my baby is becoming a kid

CSPSE.......

CPSE = Committee for Pre-School Special Education.....I'm not sure how things go in other states since I'm new to all this but I can explain NY for you.  Between the ages of Birth - 3 your child falls under the care of Early Intervention which is run by your county (mine being Nassau).  Lucky for us, we live in the 3rd most expensive County in the country, we have the highest taxes and because of this kids in our area can get amazing services between the ages of 0-3.  When your child turns 2.6 years old its time to start the transition into the school district so that by the time they are 3, the county is no longer paying, but the district is.  Once again I am blessed to be renting in a town with high taxes :)  Before your child's 3rd birthday you must have a CPSE meeting to determine what services the district is willing to provide for your child.

Today was my CPSE meeting.  Now, because I know I was in a decent district and my son had preformed pretty bad on some of his new evaluations I was walking in trying to be laid back.  I knew what I wanted, full day pre-school with at least 5 hours of ABA at home.  I was warned that they probably would say no to home therapy, but I could ask.  I thought the hardest part would be arguing for home service, but no, the hardest part was being read the findings of my sons evaluations.  I knew he didn't do his best, I had read them over and over myself and absorbed it.  It wasn't until a complete stranger read every weakness my son had out loud, page after page that I literally felt like I was having an out of body experience.

When LP was born I knew I would be his biggest fan, but when people told me I would have to be his advocate I really didn't think this was for me.  Somehow during my Out of Body Experience , out came this person I didn't know.  Truth is, I am awkward and I hate to talk in public around people I don't really know about something I don't know everything about.  Today though, I looked up at a bulletin board, saw a  lady bug push pin (lady bugs have always been a God Wink for me), opened my mouth and out came everything I had to say without an ounce of shakiness to my voice.  Somehow I got through it, sounding intelligent and persistent and in turn got full day pre-school with the possibility of home ABA.  The possibility is huge, because they didn't say no.....they didn't say yes....but they didn't say No.


My advice for those parents going through this is to know that its stressful, but in times of stress, the spirit can do amazing things.  You never doubt your child, so never doubt yourself.  You are your child's voice and if you love that child, I promise the words will come out.  Fight forever and never back down.

How Dare You Tape Me

Two minutes prior to this LP was sitting on my living room floor singing songs like a little Angle.....I swear! I thought it was soooo cute so i say, "sing twinkle twinkle again for mommy pleeeeeeease" God Forbid you ask him to do anything....this is the behavior we get. He whines through the whole thing. His therapists say this also....its not that he wont do it....he will just scream through the entire thing.