Evolution

February will mark out 2 year Autiversary..... Oh the way how life has changed and Children have grown (and been born)

I stopped blogging in January of last year because I was really tired of complaining or reading other blogs that were on a constant reel of complaining.  Complaining and being negative is bad for your energy.... everyones energy and being newly pregnant, I knew it was not good for me.

Yes, when your child is first diagnosed it is stressful.  You can sit there and blame genetics, vaccines, the enviroment.  In the end I can't change it, I can't take it back  and crying and wallowing won't fix it.

So, this is evolution.  Yes I am mainly an Autism blog, but Autism is not my LIFE.  Autism is good chunk of it, my sons issues consume a lot of my time, but, just like it doesn't define him, it doesn't define me.  I'll be posting about OTHER things, other children, being a mommy, being a Christian, my job, products that rock, my husband, how terrible people drive, set backs,  progress and stupid pictures of myself with things like Pineapples and hanging out upside down..... just because I'm Neurotypical doesn't mean I'm not weird.

Club Spectrum

Doesn't that sound like an awesome place to party?  If that picture isn't over stimulating I dont know what is.  When LP got diagnoned I said something I guess I regret.  I said being part of the Spectrum Club was like joining the Sorority no one wants to be a part of.  I was bitter about it on the inside even though I didn't show it outwardly.  I told myself i didn't want puzzle stickers or key chains, I didn't want to be part of this club.  I wanted to have my friends and that was that, as if ignoring it, it would go away. 

I want to say I was wrong and I love this club.  I don't have my friends, they don't understand.  No one understands therapists in your space all day, no one understands having a child that doesn't respond to discipline, no one understands a child who doesn't communicate, no one understands a child who doesn't know how to make friends, no one understands a child who freaks out over the noises in a public restroom, no one understand spending money on holistic medicines or treatments....no one understand except people in the Spectrum Club.

There are people all over this country, all over the world, that read my blog and are fans of my page.  You are the people I can talk to with out judging, who read my blog posts and can relate.  Thank you for being there, Thank you for being supportive, thank you for your advice and for sharing information.  This is a great club to be part of, and though many of you are hundreds if not thousands of miles away, you are friends.  Thank you for being a friend

To my husband

. My husband use to tell me I was crazy when I brought up the idea of Autism. Truthfully, I thought I was crazy too. When you are new at this, you don't really understand what they mean by a spectrum, you think you know, but you don't. You have preconceived ideas that autistic kids have no future and that this is the worst thing that could have ever happened to you.

When LP was diagnosed I wasn't particullary surprised and I was super positive, but my husbands face said it all. I understood, this is your son, the boy who was named after you, the boy who you told yourself would grow up to be the best athlete, on honor roll, perfect in ever way and some psychologist just told you that might not happen. Add on top that your son displays all the same behaviors you did at the same age.....the difference is that your son does not talk. What can the guilt feel like if you believe it was you who hereditarily passes this on, but with worse symptoms?


Today it was brought to my attention that several people thought that I was such a great mom for having to have this happen to me. That I must work so hard and be so stressed. That I put my kids first and spend money on toys, and therapies. That I must be so strong, like superwomen.....then I got the question, "does your husband ever let you get a break"

Dear friends.....I am not that strong. I know people believe that everything written on Facebook must be true....it's not. I post here and on my Facebook how wonderful everything is, how everything Is rainbows and unicorns and that my son will be one of those genius autistic children and be the next Bill Gates and I am the best mom and best wife and I can do it all. It's all crap.

The sane one is my husband. The quiet, grumpy looking husband who never doubts my son. The husband that pushes my son to do things when I baby him. The husband who works 54 hours in 4 days. the husband who brings me home ice cream after Working all day just because. The husband who let me spend money we didn't have at home goods to make me feel better (but then when I found out we couldn't afford it I got sad again haha). The husband who took care of the cleaning around the house on top of working the week before CPSE because I was in such a deep dark depression that no one knew about.

Remember behind every strong autism mom, is a strong autism dad.....just because he isn't front and center, doesn't mean he's not that mamas rock. I love you hubby.