Evolution

February will mark out 2 year Autiversary..... Oh the way how life has changed and Children have grown (and been born)

I stopped blogging in January of last year because I was really tired of complaining or reading other blogs that were on a constant reel of complaining.  Complaining and being negative is bad for your energy.... everyones energy and being newly pregnant, I knew it was not good for me.

Yes, when your child is first diagnosed it is stressful.  You can sit there and blame genetics, vaccines, the enviroment.  In the end I can't change it, I can't take it back  and crying and wallowing won't fix it.

So, this is evolution.  Yes I am mainly an Autism blog, but Autism is not my LIFE.  Autism is good chunk of it, my sons issues consume a lot of my time, but, just like it doesn't define him, it doesn't define me.  I'll be posting about OTHER things, other children, being a mommy, being a Christian, my job, products that rock, my husband, how terrible people drive, set backs,  progress and stupid pictures of myself with things like Pineapples and hanging out upside down..... just because I'm Neurotypical doesn't mean I'm not weird.

My Second Boy

I was concerned about having a third child.  My concern was that the third child would be male, that he would have a higher risk of developing a Spectrum Disorder.

Only Time will tell, but let me tell you....he is 3 months old and he talks up a baby storm.  He is also enormous and I'm lucky that the kids love him.

Nightmares

Oh man.....this will be quick post, but i had to share.  Little girl has been sick on and off for 2 weeks.  The minute they said Ear infection I freaked.....this is how it started with Frankie.  Frankie was 9 months old when he started constantly getting sick, at least Lia is 14 months old.

My mind is playing tricks on me, I am having anxiety, I keep thinking something is wrong with her.  I ave a gut wrenching fear of her falling into Autism too, it cant take the girl too, they say girls have a lesser chance right.  The doctor says he doesn't have any kids who has ASD with sisters with it.   Truth is, it is all in my head, its an irrational fear at this point.  She's hitting milestones, she has eye contact, she tries to talk.....I'm just irrational.

Knowing this, I still went to sleep last night and had a regression nightmare.  Ugh, i dreamed she didn't wave anymore, she didn't talk, I relived Frankie's whole toddler hood but it was Lia.  When she gets better and hits 15 months I might just get her evaluated to calm my nerves.....and then even if there was concern they can start super early.

My other child......My Baby DIva

This is my daughter, I call her Baby Diva.......her real name is Lia.  I will still call her Baby Diva because she is just that.  That is unless her brother is not around. She was born before diagnosis, I believed my son would outgrow his behaviors and weird eye things before she was born......he didn't. 

I feel like I lost the last 10 months with her.  I birthed her, I bonded to the best of my ability.  When she was 4 months old people started coming in and out of our home 17 hours a week.  They came to play with her brother and not her, they interrupted our quiet nursing moments and alone time I had hoped for.  Truthfully, I knew it would be different her being the second, but I wasn't ready for how different.  I just dealt with it and tried to ignore that she was growing up so fast and I was paying more attention to her brother then her.  As she grew she became louder and more opinionated I will say.  I could never understand why she screamed.....she just SCREAMS and complains and throws tantrums.  If this is what its like at 10 months I will never live through the terrible twos and I will run away before she is a teenager. 

A few weeks back though,  I saw another side of this chubby little girl.  My son went to grandmas over night and suddenly I was holding the sweetest baby in my arms.  She played little hand games and climbed on me, she didn't cry, she didn't scream she just laughed.  This is not to say she does not laugh when her brother is around, it's just different.  It was me and her, connecting and laughing.  I mentioned it to my husband and he didn't believe me.  He thinks shes crazy (I'm serious she ALWAYS screams) .  Tonight LP is at grandmas again and my husband says to me " you know, she IS a lot calmer with out him around"  She let her daddy hold her (never happens) and she made cooing noises and babbled.  No screaming.  She went to bed and now I have been sitting here for hours with nothing to do.  IS this what its like to have just a typical child?

Its dawned on me that she really loves her brother and the screaming is for attention.  Its also because when she follows him I usually take her away because I'm not 100% sure he can play nicely with her.  She wants to be with him, she wants to be LIKE him.  They feed off of each other, he screams she screams and visa verse!  He loves her, he hugs her (roughly) he kisses her (hard) but he does not want to play with her.  He takes toys from her and knocks her over, its a constant battle between the two.....and then more screaming.  He doesn't understand its wrong, he says he is sorry, but I don't know what he understands about apologies.

I feel bad for her.  I feel bad because I have not bonded with her the way I did with her brother.  I let her cry in a crib and that's where she sleeps......my son slept with us till he was 2ish.  She frustrates me, she always screams and that makes me so upset.  There is nothing medically wrong, but it dawned on me that she needs/wants the attention.  Imagine people came to your house 3+ hours a day and played with your sibling and not you?  Your mother blocked off your pathway to your brother as to keep you safe (but you dint understand that).  Imagine every 30 minutes your mom put your brother on the toilet and gave him candy and left you alone with some stupid blocks in the living room.

Today I got it.  I understood.  I looked her in the little baby eyes and said I would try harder.  I know this will be her life, her brother will always be different and it will be something she will learn to work with.  I need to make sure she knows I love her so much even when I don't show it.  I am both sad and excited for LP to start school.  In his 3 years on this earth I have attachment parented him and bonded with him and have formed a relationship that can not be broken (he loves his mama <3 ).  I hope that this fall I can start that with her, maybe a little later than with him, but just so she knows she is special too.  My special, Beautiful, Baby Diva!

 Resources and Articles re: Sibling of Autistic Children:

Autistic Kids: The Sibling Problem

The Others: Siblings and Autism

 Balancing Their Needs

Autism and Siblings

My son Typically loves his sister.......and typically knocks her over too

These are my children....Little Professor and Baby Diva. I had Baby Diva before LP's diagnosis. When I got pregnant with Baby Diva I just figured LP would grow out of these horrible behaviors and constant anxiety. I was convinced his speech would start soon considering here he was at 18 months and he knew the entire alphabet (who knew knowing the alphabet so young was a red flag?!?!) The actual day I found out I was pregnant my son tripped on his own feet and broke his tooth in half at a wedding...he screamed for the remainder of the night till he fell asleep in my arms. That day still pains me, that day was one of those days I would think "something is not right with my child".

A positive pregnancy test and all I thought was, how will my son handle this. My husbands response was "relax, you have 9 months to figure it out". For the next 9 months I freaked out...literally. Still making excuses for my sons behaviors as he became clingyer then ever and still no words. On the morning of September 29th when I started having cramps as I lay cuddled in bed with my little son, I remember thinking I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for the sibling rivalry, the crying nights up, the jealousy, the idea of having to carry 2 kids (not sure why i was thinking that)

Exactly 12 hours from the first feelings of cramps my Daughter was born 7lbs 6 oz and loud as hell, she made quite a grumpy entrance(LP was born crying a little, but very observant, taking in everything, I remember thinking he looked like that baby alien from Men in Black). My husband brought LP the next morning....I was so nervous, how would he act, what would he do?? Well he tried to climb into her bassinet that's what haha


We came home and not one thing I worried about happened. He loved her, he would drag people to her and push their hands and make them touch her. I Nursed her and he didn't care, i carried her and he walked, i rocked her and he would climb up and make sure not to hurt her.

Magically it was perfect......but I can say that with therapy he has talking and expressing himself....especially in a big brother bossy way. Now that Baby Diva is mobile I hear a lot more crying in my home....along with words like, no, mine, go to sleep, go way, ew yucky baby. When I look over my son is usually taking something from his sister or pushing her to go play away from him. I suppose on a positive note, when I brought this behavior up to his therapists i was told this is what a typical 3 year old big brother would do.....Wowee, my son is exhibiting typical behaviors!!! :)

In the end, I've said it many times, LP needed Baby Diva. Her birth brought a gentleness to him that i had not seen prior. Much of his early spontaneous language was directed at her and for once, he has a real friend. I pray they stay this close forever.