Tuesday, November 11, 2014

The Little Boy That Could - Written 6/18/14 but Never Published here

That Picture......These pictures have only started coming home in Frankie's back pack in the last few months.  I'm not sure if he just didn't have the time or maybe his creativity hadn't peaked yet, but all these lovely drawings are new to me.  Some I hang up and some I stow away in a special cubby he has that house crafts since he started school at 3.

This picture was different.  I found it, like others before, and placed it on the kitchen table and smiled.  Through out the course of the night he was obsessively asking for new crayons and after about an hour asked me for a stapler.  I questioned what he was doing, then he told me he needed to show two children, in the mainstream class , that he too could draw and color in the lines.  If you have yet to read my about section, my son was diagnosed with Autism at 30 months.  Since then he has been in some sort of intense therapy and at age three began full time 8am-3pm schooling 5 days a week. OT, PT, Speech, etc. etc.    He now is in a special Ed class and is mainstreamed certain parts of the day.

  So here he sat, holding this picture,  telling me about how he was told he was not a very good drawer and never stayed in the lines.  He started getting upset because no one could tell that the orange figure on the right was a tick tock crock and how he should have used green but he was too terrible at coloring.  That thing in the middle.....its the Jolly Roger, Captain hooks boat, but no one could tell because he was a bad drawer and he should be better.

I'll be honest, at first I was angry.  I was angry that anyone would tell him he wasn't good.  It took close to two years to get him to hold a pencil right and now hes stressed out about his drawing abilities.  Of course I took a step back and realized that no Five or Six year old is going to understand the mountain that Frankie has climbed.  The mere fact that he had enough imagination to think up this scene from Jake and the Never land Pirates and then tried to produce it on paper while sitting quietly in a mainstream classroom was a friggen miracle.....no one could know that.

My son began to cry the more I insisted that his drawing was amazing, he cried because he said he would never be good.....and then I cried.  I sat on the floor of his room and cried and cried that he was upset and then I cried  because I was glad he had enough emotion and realization of the world around him now that he could cry.  I sat him down on his desk chair and said..... "let me tell you a story about a little boy I knew...."

I told him a story......It went like this...... "Once upon a time there was a tiny little boy.  He didn't talk at all!  He liked to spin wheels and never answered to his name.  His mommy and daddy thought his ears were broke and he cried all the time.  The boy liked to jump all day and when he got angry he would hit his head, bite and hit others.  He didn't know how to play with his toys, friends or anything!............  He is now looking at me like I'm insane...........  Then one day the mommy called the doctors who told her that the little boy had Autism.  They told her that they didn't know what could happen.  The mommy and daddy even got the boy an Ipad because they didn't know if he would ever talk.  The little boy had teachers come to his house everyday for HOURS to teach him to play and listen and learn to talk....the little boy was so upset, he didn't think he couldn't do it sometimes and he would even try and throw tables........ Insert Wide eyed shocked look from my son now............... But the boy kept trying and trying and he surprised everyone, no one thought he could do the things he would do, some people didn't believe in him but his family and teachers sure did.  He tried so hard to learn new things and he did great at all of them.  Now he is doing awesome and still learning to do new things everyday!"........  Then I ask him.... "Do you know that boy?"  of course he says no.  So it came as quite a shock when I explained to him that, I had just told him the story of him.  I said "There were days I didn't think I would hear your voice ever and people told me they weren't sure if you would say more then one word at a time but you worked so hard and now your a great talker.  If you could learn to talk and write and play nice with your friends, I promise you, you will learn to draw". 

Frankie said ok.  I told him we would start working on learning to draw things tomorrow.  I asked him what he wanted to learn first and his reply was "I think maybe a star"

He is my star and tomorrow I will show him how to draw one <3

Monday, November 10, 2014

DIY Beach Hair.......

Quick tutorial on how to get "Bed head/beachy hair"

OK get ready....

  1. Take Shower
  2. DO NOT brush your hair
  3. Put hair up in messy bun
  4. Pour a HUGE glass of wine
  5. Drink the Wine
  6. Fall asleep 
  7. wake up
  8. Be scared of your reflection
  9. Undo Bun
  10. Put on a headband to look like you care
  11. Wipe left over mascara out from under your eye
  12. Drop child off at school. 

There you have it.  

The Neurotypical Moms Guide to Bed head hair....... just get out of bed.

You can throw on some sunglasses to make you look Hollywood

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Thats me....Thats us

That's me, standing partially on a soccer field biting my nails.  I never bring a chair, I have never been able to sit down.  That's me, holding my head in my hands, then moments later holding my crying sons head in them also.

He wanted to play a sport and soccer is what he chose.  Coming out of an amazing year in Kindergarten and a relatively calm summer, I chose to put him in an intermurals team that was for typical children.  I may have made a mistake.....no, I made a mistake.

That's me running between two fields, one with my four year old daughter and the other with my son. That's me missing my daughters first goals because I have to wonder if my son will hit yours.  This is me looking like a basket case on the sidelines crying, crying because my son can't process and handle his emotions when your son says he's stupid.

There are days I wish I could hang a sign around my neck, or our necks that say "my son has Autism....yes i know he doesn't look it"  (whatever the F that means) .  I use to think the sticker on my car was obvious enough but, its not.  You see my son, he looks like your son...except mine is talking obsessively about numbers.  My son is socially awkward and anxious and your son picks that up.

That's me pacing up and down the sidelines, I see whats going to happen before it does.  That's me yelling "Frankie!" .  I'm sure half the parents think I'm some psycho helicopter parent, I don't want to be.  I want your kid to stay safe, my sons new response to your child's unkind words it to kick him.

Your kid kicked my kid....because my son is "weird".  You respond, "just stay away from him, stay away from that kid".  That's me wiping away my tears.  As much as bullying words hurt, parents telling their children to stay away from my son, that hurts just as much.  That's me dragging my sobbing son off a soccer field for running full force into another child....for no real reason.  Maybe you think I'm overly strict, maybe you think I'm being too hard on him.  That's me dragging him off early because i can't stand to cry in front of you all.

That's my son.....walking to apologize to your son....who ignores him because he was instructed to stay away from that kid.  Mine stands there defeated and yells, "I tried, they walked away"

That's us....walking off the field, defeated.  I waited to cry till I thought my son couldn't see me.  He saw me, he began to sob himself.  He made promises I know he can't keep, we have one more day of soccer, he made me promises.

The next time you see people like me, a family like us.....give them the benefit of the doubt.  Don't assume that child is bad, don't assume that mother is incompetent, teachyour children to be kind.

One....More.....Practice......God, let him get through that last practice, I'm going to have a positive attitude, because that's just me.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Im Going to Judge

If you know me, you know I'm the least judgmental person out there.  I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, its just in my nature.  During the Kelli Stapleton trial, I kept my mouth shut.  I haven't commented, not once on the other parents who killed their autistic children.....that is till today.

Maybe its the manner in which Jillian McCabe killed her son... the idea,.....the thoughts that must have been going through that child's mind as his own mother threw him off of a bridge.  Just because a child is non- verbal, does not mean he does not understand.  I read THIS article, and watched the videos....I want to be sick.

I know what it is really.  Its that our boys were the same age....they are both 6.  Both our sons were diagnosed in February 2011.  While our boys are on different levels of the spectrum......today all I could picture was me....throwing my 6 year old off a bridge.  Truth is, I couldn't imagine it.  As difficult as Frankie's issues have been on us, mentally and financially....if I was depressed, I'd kill myself .  To hurt your child..... I have no words.  SO judge me for for judging Jillian McCabe, but I'm going to.  She's an asshole.