Sunday, July 31, 2011

The NT Moms Super Silly Birthday!

So Yesterday I turned 21 + 6.......ok 27.  They say if something traumatising happens to you at a certain age you mentally stay that age forever....I don't 100% buy that but, I do still feel 19.  So its either somewhat true or a coincidence that s*it hit the fan at 19 and that's the age I feel.  Since the birth of LP I forget my birthday, and fail to feel as i got any older.  To be honest I don't think I was ever 24!  I had my son and 2 weeks later I turned 24.....I don't know where that year went.  Its as though birthdays become unimportant as you age and have children.  Maybe  its just me, but its not that I resent birthdays because I don't want to get old, I just don't really care.  Every year everyone asks me what i want and every year I say nothing.  Honestly, I want world peace and a stable economy.  That's sounds silly  and sarcastic but I'm serious, that would be awesome, If I could give my gifts to someone who needed them more, i would be happy. 

Yesterday had to be the most jam packed adventurous day i ever had with the kids, or ever had on my birthday.  First stop, the Beach.  Husband had run a half marathon that morning and had to go to work so I spent most of the day with the kids.  We headed to Long Beach to see Grandpa Joe and Mima and spend the morning at the beach.  This was Baby Divas first time at the beach and LP's 4th.  Last year he was scared of the sand, he wouldn't touch it and he wouldn't go near the ocean, he had never been in the ocean.  Well have times change. I regret not bringing my camera!  He had watched a bunch of shows about going to the beach, so he sad there and dug in the sand singing songs about building sand castles.  Then later we got him in the ocean.....and as i predicted, it was difficult getting him out, or getting him to understand that HE CAN NOT SWIM!  The child has no fear with the water suddenly this summer.....which would be nice if he realized he cant swim.  He wants us to let go and he wants to try to swim to the other person...being a former swim instructor this is half the battle you have with the kids.  But the difference is that mine doesn't understand to close his mouth!  When I taught kids, they closed their mouths, they understood the cause and effect....LP does not.  He comes up coughing and almost vomiting......all with a HUGE smile on his face :). 

Next stop BBQ.......once again more bodies of water and I ended up having to go in the pool.  He loves the pool, end of story.  There was dog at the BBQ and for the first time he sat there and pet the dog instead of hitting it in the face(he does that to our dogs).  He sat and pet him and tried to feed him grass.  He wasn't understanding why the dog wouldn't want to eat grass.....this kids too funny.

Last stop to see husband at work.  It was Karaoke night at the Chili Grill so husbands fam was all there so we had some food, some cake.  Hubs sang a song to me, he's cute, it was a little embarrassing but that's ok, it was great.  LP did great all night......except he fell off of his new scooter and split his lip open.  Well, we did great except for the lip thing.....not that he didn't just get back on after he was done.  He really needs to work on his coordination :(  He will get there!  Great day, good times :)

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Having Children Means.....Always smelling a hint of Urine

I'm frustrated with potty training.  Every 30 minutes I'm suppose to drag this kid to the toilet and have him sit there for 10.  And sit he does, and talk about pee pee, and talk about poo poo and talk about flushing and scream at his Privates "PEE PEES OUT!"  In 2 weeks he has peed 4 times.  I suppose that's good, but I am frustrated that he seems to either A. still not understand the sensation of urinating or B. he is being a brat and holding it in so he can pee in a diaper.  The other day he held it for 3 hours.....that's 6 potty runs....only to pee in the Pull up 5 minutes later.  And pull-ups are expensive!!! No pee in Pull-ups!!!  I'm tired of pee in diapers and I'm super tired of Poop in diapers. 

I'm told to flood his system with water so he will go on the toilet.  Last night this led to a kid who held it in until he went to bed.  This morning a pee soaked child crawled into bed with me.  I mean SOAKED in pee, everywhere on his shirt too, he exploded a diaper.  He went to Grandmas tonight and I am hot washing all bed linens.  I'm so sick of urine. 

Our Atypically Typical Thursday......

Ok it was Typical but, so wacky....I'm not sure what was better......maybe i rather have the Atypical day.  So we woke up and LP had his bowl of cereal and yogurt with the magic stuff mixed in.  That morning we didn't have a morning session because One of the ladies was on vacation so it was just us and the kids.  I spend the morning.....well day actually.....placing my son on the toilet every 30 minutes trying to get him to pee in it.  He is too smart......he was holding it in  and peeing in the pull up after he would sit....ugh Drive me crazy!

A few hours into our day my son decided he was going to play.  He asked me for "duh basket" which is a noodle bucket his teacher brought filled with pasta and small toys.  Well that's when the magic started!  If you follow my facebook I posted a video of LP playing appropriately, its just too funny!  If you didn't see it, here it is! 

Afternoon rolls around and Speech comes and she decides that we should go play with the girl next door who's brother is also one of her students.  I've mentioned before that there are 5 kids on my block on the spectrum, we share therapists.  So we went to play with Girl Next door (GN) who is only 2 months younger then my son....she is really the cutest, and so patient.  GN says she wants to play hopscotch.....that's a new word for LP.  We tell her to show LP how to hop.....which she does!  Now this is the same kid that 2 months ago when evaluated for PT could NOT hop he is now hopping behind GN all the way to her house.  Hop, Hop, Hop.......they stop, he looks at her and gives her a big hug.  I  melt, I think my son should grow up and marry GN.  Being that her brother is on the spectrum I think she would be the perfect wife, she would know how to deal with him.....and deal she did.  She let him jump and run away form her, she had a conversation with him (we fed them both the dialogue), it was fantastic.  They ran back to GN's house and played on the swing for a few minutes.  GN's mom is pregnant with baby #4......God Bless her, I don't know how she does it, she looks great.  I can't believe he played, he played with a girl and he had a good time!

Later I brought him to Target and decided since he was doing so well that I would let him walk, and walk he did.  Ok, maybe he hopped, now all he wanted to do was hop, hop hop hop and talk about Auto Zone (he memorizes commercials he sees only once ) and tasting the rainbow.  Hopping around the store saying things in full sentences, "why you do that mama"  "that fall down mama" "ooo That's sister, she crying"  "look mama, shampoo ooo Conditoning (conditioner)  "  I was dying, he was cracking me up, hopping around being a 3 year old.  His behaviors weren't even spectrum behaviors, they were three year old behaviors!!!

Great day!  My only issue was at night I gave him behavior balance.....which I read was a stimulant.  So he fell asleep, only to wake up 1/2 hour later shaking and crying as if he had a nightmare.  He was talking in jargon and doing weird shoulder things.  I don't think it was the medicine, he took some today and nothing happened.

I fell asleep after I wrote the above and now have lost my train of though.....well Enjoy your Saturday!!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Child Free Debate

Yea, I'm not even going to be nice about this.  I'm not going to be diplomatic, I'm just going to be angry.  I'm going to be angry especially at those with no children.  There is a new trend lately in this country apparently which involves segregating kids from certain restaurants, airlines, hotels, theaters etc.

Dr. Laura posted a status question asking people their opinions and a majority of them were in favor.  Now I agree that maybe you shouldn't have your kid at a $100 a plate steakhouse,  but isn't it up to the parent to decide if their child is well enough behaved.  Damn, I mean seriously, my kids are well behaved when we go out to eat as long as I bring an arsenal of toys for the baby and  the Ipad for my son.  Who are you to say my child can't come through your doors?  We have tolerance for different faiths, race's , sexual orientation, immigration status, but we can't have a little respect for a child.

The argument is that there are so many beastly children with Sh*tty parents that we can't allow any kids in.  Having worked in the restaurant industry for many years prior to motherhood, I'm convinced people are blowing this out of proportion.  I can tell you most of the time parents were doing their best to keep their children under control, screaming kids were taken out, impatient children were given something to do and everyone had a great time.  I will say one time I did see a horrible parent with crazy kids.....I kid you was Dina Lohan....the mother of Lyndsey Lohan.  That woman was a train wreck with train wreck children.  She still lived in town when she wasn't out drinking with her daughter.  Her two pre-teen kids literally were running around the restaurant on those stupid skate shoes.  They were around 10 and 12.....they were worse then toddlers.

My last issue with people and their no children rule is that they assume that all parents who have a screaming child are horrible parents.  When I posed the question "what happens if the child is Autistic and can not be controlled at that moment?  Is it right to assume I am a horrible parent?"  A women responded to me "that's not my problem, i want to eat in peace, you shouldn't bring your Autistic child out"  So there you go.  I am so F*cking tired of having to have tolerance for everyone else but no one has it for us.  This is the land of the free right?  Sure your free to ban kids, but then you should be allowed to ban Christians and Chinese people or Illegal Immigrants....oh yea that's right you cant do THAT.  OK I'm done.  Sorry if I offended anyone but I needed to get that out :)

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Playdate or Play Disaster?

Ahhhh, this is my son at around 18 months.....around the time I believed that he had started the terrible twos early.  I think this may have been one of the last play dates I went on.....that is up until recently.

I remember being afraid to bring him places, afraid of what he might do or react.  At around 18-22 months he was a huge pusher/hitter.  Unless I was literally on top of him, I ran the risk of him hurting another child.  I always felt like other moms thought I was blowing them off, and I suppose in a sense I did.  I would "forget" or make up excuses all because I didn't want people to look at me and think I was a bad parent, at that point I thought I was.

I can remember one time I was brought to tears because I thought my child must be insane.  I met up with some friends at a local strip mall to have breakfast and go baby shopping (I was about 5 months pregnant at this point).  LP must have been about 21 months old and for some reason i felt like it was a good idea to take him out of my car with out his stroller.  I suppose I wanted to look normal and stupidly thought my son could handle walking.  So walk we did and we had breakfast.....well I had breakfast and he stared at some birds and ran around and ignored everything I said.  I could see the disapproval in the eyes of my friends, I heard then implying I was not putting my foot down and that my son just needed tough love.  After we ate I wanted to go get the stroller because the idea of walking around with this kid seemed impossible.  Once again I listened to others who said my son needed to get over it and i had to stop babying him.  Well let me tell you that's the last time I don't trust my instinct.  Here I was, pregnant in the heat, dragging a screaming toddler who had no language and no way to communicate to me.  He tried to run off in the parking lot, he slammed his head on the floor.....and the whole time I was stared at, everyone thinking I made my child like this.  It was the first time I felt so embarrassed at my child, if I had known the problem I wouldn't have been, but at that point I thought it was all my fault and that my child was horrible.  I did not leave my house to be with people that weren't family for another 7 months.......because 7 months later I found out this wasn't my fault.

Things are better now that we get ABA, I can take my boy out with friends, I can take him to the park.  Its not always easy and sometimes I have to leave.  For those who are just starting this journey, always remember to trust your gut.  Also remember to tell people what they can do with their opinions.  A lot of the mourning and crying I did was over the fact that i listened to others and believed I had a demon child and treated him as such.  I'm not proud of secluding him or myself, I'm not proud of how I treated him.  I felt I hurt him those months where I resorted to punishing him and spanking him because that had to be the way if he wasn't responding to everything else.

If you are the parent, remember what i said, listen to yourself forget everyone else and take you kid out to see the things they love.  If they melt down, if someone looks at you or comments, tell them where to go.  And if you are one of those people who is in the store or the park that wants to open their mouth about how someones kid is acting, shut your mouth and turn your head.  Even if that persons kid does not have special one wants to hear how you think they suck at parenting.

Sharing the day at a time

Thank you NT mom readers for sharing the struggle, for your kind words and encouragement.  I am not a huge fan of my blog becoming a crying board for me, I want it to be a story of my sons progress and a place of support for others.  I quickly realized, that the struggle of sadness and isolation is part of my sons progress and that sometimes the author needs support too!

There are so many people in my life that love me, and sometimes that love hurts me more then it helps.  My sadness is not because of my marriage, its not anything my husband did, its not because of my living situation, its not money, its not even Autism sometimes.  It's waking up one day and realizing you are a different person, and you don't even know if you like her.  This new person is a bitch and she doesn't take care of her self or her family.  This person has snapped at her own children and punished them out of anger.  This person doesn't shower daily, not because she doesn't have time but because she is too lazy.  This person isn't affectionate to her husband because she forgot that sometimes someone might just want a hug.  This person doesn't make diaper cakes or headbands anymore because its too much work (this was my favorite past time),  This person told her husband to STFU because he asked if she was watching a show.  I could go on forever about this person I have become.  She sucks, she really does.

Like I said in my Remember You post, I'm doing everything one day at a time.  Today I will put on contacts and ditch the glasses, I will even go outside and go visit my husband @ the Chili Grill.  I will probably take a shower later and make a headband to send to someone special.  One day at a time, I know you cant be the same person you were when you were younger.  Seriously though, I loved 22 year old me, I mean, she might have went out a lot, but she was happy and confident and fun.  There are days I see glimmers of her, the less stressed, less frustrated 22 year old in me.  I don't need all aspects of her back, she really drank too much and smoked too many cigarettes, but maybe 50% of her.  I'm sure she will be back for Christmas......

 OK but maybe not this crazy :).....this picture makes me laugh every time

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

On a positive note

my son is running around "where Plex" and here I am trying to figure out what a plex is, thinking it must be something important that I can't understand, is it a food? Does he have poop?  That is till i realized he was looking actually saying what he meant, he was looking for Plex from yo gabba gabba.

Today my little man has so far peed in the toilet twice and he didn't even cry about flushing!  He also used a full sentence!  Kim his teacher was looking at his fish with him and said "what is the fish doing?"  LP said "swimming" then she said "what color is your fish?" and LP said "he is blue, he is swimming!"  He is doing a great job today.  I think I'm going to go for a walk in a little, fresh air would be nice :)

Emotional Breakdown take 2

I have alcoholic tendencies.  At this point in my life I don't really drink because while I'm not a full blown alcoholic, if you put it in front of me I will drink it, and then I will want another and I will finish that too and probably want another....maybe that is alcoholism?

This is the first time in my life that I have gone through something this stressful with out alcohol.  Drinking is self medication, it helps you numb the stress, the emotions.  So maybe things going on in my life are magnified because I'm just not use to it being so raw.  Most of my days are good days, but then there are days like today that are bad.  I should be happy today because my baby made pee pee on the potty 2 x today AND he said a full sentence!

I am this strong looking mom on the outside but I'm not.  I sit here most days and do nothing.  My bathroom is horrific, the wash is never put away, forget about the dishes. Since around January, I can not get myself going.  I know it will pass but I wish I knew when.  All i do is the kids, I handle the children and even then I don't do my best.  The husband ususally ends up doing mountains of dishes and taking out the garbage, he cleans the toilet and put away the clothes, I feel bad, its my job and Im not doing it.  Someone said something about late onset post pardom......who knows, I do know I got sad after having the boy so its possible.  I'm not severe, I'm not going to flip out, but I am going to cry and I am going to want to be alone.

I should count my blessings, two beautiful children, a home, food, water, clothing.....and like a said in my status......a husband who gets out of bed and starts our families day when I rather lay in bed and sleep the world away. I feel bad because I don't really share much about my feelings and people don't realize. 

I'll be better tomorrow :/

Monday, July 25, 2011

Club Spectrum: The Secret Handshake

I think there should be a secret handshake, or maybe a special signal or an awesome hand stamp we can show each other.  How many times do you see someone that you know has a child on the spectrum and you just want to yell :I'm in the same boat" and just want to hug that person?  I was recently reading a Blog post by Autism Unexpected, where she goes into being at the grocery store and seeing a man with his son who is defiantly on the spectrum.  I find it funny that the last two times I noticed kids  on the spectrum I too was in the grocery store. 

It was only one of those times I actually spoke to a mom, I wanted to tell her she was a great mom, I wanted to say I have one too!  She was in the dairy section of the supermarket with her son,  I was alone with my daughter, left the boy at home.  He was holding an Ipad.....she was reinforcing how great he was doing at sitting quietly.  I just wanted to reach out to her, I wanted to say "Hey, me too, I have a kid at home and he is on the spectrum too.  Tell me it gets easier, tell me your secret, give me advice".  I didn't say any of that.....instead I said "excuse me, where did you get the case for that Ipad"  She told me at the Verizon store, I then mentioned my son also had an Ipad....its like you can see the lights go on in someones head when they realize.  We talked about how it was such a great tool, how it helped her shop, about her sons behaviors, diagnosis etc.  I think us moms long to talk to others like us, its hard, they say we are 1 in 100, but with no obvious hint of a Spectrum Disorder, you can't always see someone like you. 

The second time in the store, I didn't see an Ipad, I saw two boys in a cart.  One boy sitting quietly and the other verbally stimming, then I heard the words "Quiet mouth"....Whhhaaat quiet mouth!  Your kid listens to quiet mouth, crap I'm walking around this store shoving crackers in my sons mouth so he wont grunt uncontrollably!  I knew she was like me, I knew they were like us.  Once again I wanted to yell, "you are doing a great job, you are a good mom!"

I think we need code word, can I just scream CLUB S and see who turns around?  My greatest fear would be approaching someone who's kid isn't on the spectrum, or at least doesn't know it......that would suck.  I don't know if I am the only one who yearns to be near other parents on the Spectrum, its probably half the reason I made this blog, but its just nice to have something in common.   Sometimes I want that other person to know they are not alone.  Maybe one day I will get gutsy and just start talking to all the ones I suspect, but till now, I'll work on our code/handshake.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Just Kids

It's Done, school is picked.....Just Kids is the one!.....I'm happy and nervous at the same time.   We went back to see the school one more time, this time with Kids in class and not on the playground.   I felt better this time, I felt like this would be a good place for the boy.

It was so cute, they had an underwater theme going on this time.  A door to one classroom had jelly fish tentacles at the door.  LP looked comfortable.  I'm sure he will transition better then I will.  I guess I am nervous because he actually will not be in an Autism program, just a regular special ed class....whatever that really means.  If there are any kids in these classes that are on the spectrum, they are on the higher end like my buddy here.

Just got the paper work in the mail too, oh I'm so nervous!  The idea of school supplies.....when I pictured my kids growing up, I didn't plan on school will at least five.  In the packet was even the list of events and topics they learn through the cute.  I'm so proud of my little guy and the progress he has made.  To think how far he has come in such a short time.  I feel like I am sending him to college.  *Sigh* baby is becoming a kid

Remember You

Remember to take care of yourself.......I am writing this, as I am trying to do this for myself.   I'm really trying to practice what I preach.....easier said then done.  I've heard this told to me before and I remember rolling my eyes internally and thinking, um ok, you have no idea.

I think what people should explain is that this "you time" doesn't need to be some huge grand adventure.  I kept thinking of some big thing I would go do for myself, and I would constantly shut it out, because in reality going to Vegas far far away from my children was never going to happen.

So I did something really little.....I bought a cheap pair of Big Sunglasses!  In a Previous Post, I had mentioned I use to have a pretty awesome collection of Big sunglasses.  It was part of who I was, part of my identity, I have a big head, so big sunglasses are great.  So for $5 I purchased a ridiculously odd pair of floral print sunglasses.  It felt goooooood.  Oh yea, it was the littlest thing, nothing huge and it felt so good.  I wanted to wear them, but it was 8pm so I would look kind of dumb.  So I propped them on top of my head and went on my merry way, smile ear to ear, for $5 I got a piece of myself back.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Stop Spinning!

I don't even know what in Gods name is up with the boy today.  Seriously, the behaviors the last 2 days are pure insanity.  Many people have told me that when he is learning new things, it won't be uncommon for him to regress in other areas.  HOLY CRAP!  Here I am hoping that these Omega -3's and vitamins are going to help him out and he is behaving like a nutso......talking in sentences, but acting like a nut.  I guess that would prove the theory right, he's talking and having horrible behavior.....before he was being good and just using vocabulary.

He looks at me and says "mama, help me, get juice".  Aw how cute!  I get him juice and I go about my scrap booking.  I hear him drinking his juice and then I realize I hear spitting.  He had taken all 10 oz of water/juice put it in his mouth and then proceeded to SPIT it onto his castle and dinosaurs.  My carpet was soaked, his clothes were soaked and I was on the verge of loosing my mind.

Mind you this has come after a long day of cracker smashing into my rug and table flipping.  Yes, you heard me right, he tried to flip his work table over at least 5 times with all 3 therapists today.   Beasting out table flipping ala Teresa Guidice (Real Housewives of NJ).  He's also shaking his body and head uncontrollably which I've never seen before and spinning again, which I haven't seen in months.  The last thing he did was slam his head into the steps TWICE......he hasn't hit his head on something since he was 16 months old.   

I am so bummed today......I have this super optimistic outlook for my son and I get scared when I see these behaviors come out.  I ignorantly thought they were gone, today hurt.  August 9th I made a neurologist appointment for him.  I'm on  the fence about bringing him to a Developmental Pediatrician......I'd bring him to a DAN! Dr but they don't take insurance.

The last few weeks we started down this road of starting alternate treatments on top of his therapies (which I will say are the only proven methods of "Curing") and its just made me more stressed.  I am hoping I can see a difference soon, cant wait to try the behavioral balance in the coming weeks.  We are actually using my husband as a guinea pig first, we got him Omega-3's and the Behavioral Balance in pill form.....he starts tomorrow.  Hopefully that can work for him too and relieve some stress and help him socially.  All we want is to fix our baby.......I know there are people that say they want to leave their child the way they are but for us, slamming your head into a step and spitting on your toys is not ok.  Dear God, help us fix our baby.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Families are Forever

Check the top right.....see the blinky?  Families are Forever.   I have a good Family, all of them from Florida to Montauk, a bunch of good people......Granted my favorites are here in this apartment with me.

For you in my life, you might not feel like you do much, but even just asking how LP is doing is supporting us, listening to our battles and victories that is support, saying Hi on facebook is support, understanding when I'm being a bitch for no reason is support, helping us financially is support, babysitting is support, letting me scream for no reason (goes with bitchy mood) is support, playing with my kids is support, inviting my husband over for wine and cigars is support, saying Im a good mom is support, inviting me over even if you know I will say no is support, telling me I'm still young and beautiful is support........all these little things and more mean a lot to me.

Thank you to our enormous family.....The S's, The Ks, the other S's and the H' guys are the best <3

The Cost of Autism

First let me say, I am lucky, I live in a great school district that will pay for my sons preschool.  Most of the things I would like to do to help my son are extra, but like I have said, once you have a child you will do ANYTHING to help them.  I find that a lot of people not effected have no idea the cost, time, stress that is placed on us parents who are raising 1, 2 even 3 children with Autism.  So here I will lay it out.....and as of now, nothing is covered by insurance :)

Average Cost home ABA -  $60-$100 per hour.....20-40 hours a week recommended = $1,200- $4,000

Average Cost of Speech Therapy - $50-$80 an hour  2 hours a week = $100-$160

Average cost of Occupational Therapy - $70-$120 an hour 2 hours a week = $140- $240

Average cost of Physical Therapy - $50- $120 an hour 2 hours a week = $100- $240

Average Cost of Special Ed School with Autistic Program- $35,000 - $93,000 a year

OK those things for most of us in NY state are covered.....that is except that amount of ABA hours, I get 15 hours covered and can not pay for the extra.  Once my son starts school he will get no ABA, that is unless I get a doctor to say he needs it.  There is no way on earth I can afford 1/8th of that so I will have to do it myself at home which leads me to...........

Loss of wages because one parents must now be a teacher - 20k-60k a year..... oh yea people forget that part.

Now the Extras 

School supplies and Tools (language builder cards, ipads, apps, speech therapy tools, trampolines, sensory tools, swings, feeding tools ) - $200 - $5,000

Hyperbaric Treatments - Recommended 40 hour treatments = $4,000

Vitamins and Supplements =  $300-$1,000 a year depending on severity

Biofeedback = 60 hours with in one year @ $150 a session = $9,000

Chelation Therapy- $75- $125 an hour...I'm not even sure what the hours are on this but I know the cost is in the thousands.  

Gluten free and Casein free diets - I cant even begin to go into this....this is something I CAN NOT do.......I can not pay $4 for a loaf of bread.  Everything is literally twice the price of regular.  i dont have the will power to go through with this.... .I suppose is all else failed, I would do it. 

Now I will get contreversial.......there are some groups that do not help with these things mentioned above (Autism Speaks).  People walk for Autism and raise awareness and I love it.  My issue is where does the money go.....the largest chunk to salaries, the second chunk to research.....25 million to research to find one gene (which doesnt exist) that causes Autism. $1.7 million went to 34 families to help them........that's out of about 72 Million raised.   I say instead find an organization that give the money to the FAMILIES.  I had an issue lately where my husband wanted to start our own run to put money away to look into getting the Hyperbaric Treatments at St. Josephs in Bethpage......I tried to tell him that we cant really start our own run, but he was just trying to help.   There are plenty of local organizations in everyone's areas that help the kids, and help the families, donate to them.  Here On long Island we have the Nassau/Suffolk Austim Society, they set up family days free of charge at different museums and places around the area free of charge for families. 

Having a Child with Special Needs is exhausting, its stressful in every aspect.  And if anything check out this Blog  From Lost and Tired  <------he does a wonderful job of explaining what us parents really need.  

Much <3

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Autism Awarness.......Be aware that there are Adults with ASD

Its funny, I find it easier for people to accept children on the spectrum then for them to accept an adult.   The younger they are, the more passionate we are.  A 29 year old man can't possibly be on the spectrum , he's just an aloof a-hole with anger problems.

Today I had an emotional breakdown.  I am tired, I am fighting a battle for my son and now trying to fight it for my husband as well.  But as I said, my sons problems are acceptable,  but to most my husbands are not.   I met my husband and fell in love with a handsome boy who loved Star Wars and wrestling, we had fun, he had no friends, but that was ok because we had each other.  His family told me horror stories of how he behaved as a child, he was pulling his hair out at 3, he was diagnosed with ADD, the psychologists had no idea in 1987 what was wrong with him.  He was intelligent, but he couldn't make friends, he was bullied.  He grew up and all the pent up pain came out in anger and he was unable to control it.  By the time I met him he was over beating people up, but he still didn't have many friends.  He hid his insecurities by lying about how awesome he was.

After he lost the first job when I was 6 months pregnant, it all went down hill......I think he lost 7 jobs in 4 years.  All because of his inability to handle his anxiety and work and comprehend direction under pressure.  He is a restaurant manager, people yell at him all day, kitchens fall apart, things get stressful and there are times he can not handle everything going on around him and then he either lashes out or shuts down.  If I could switch places and work for him I would, but I'm pretty sure I couldn't make enough to keep us alive with my 2 year degree.  Everything to my husband is black and white, you cant change his mind, you cant reason with him because his logic is always right.  Truth is he has good logic, but he doesn't understand sometimes his logic can hurt the feeling of others.  His logic says....people walk for Autism and give money to research so I'm going to RUN 15 miles and ask for donations and its the same thing because a family (us) is using it to save for hyperbaric treatments.  I told him that's not ok, people get offended.....he says logically its the same thing, he is running, if they give money, they do, if they don't they don't. 

And offend some people he did (he posted his running idea on Facebook), and then I lost my mind.  I lost all emotional control, no matter how many times I explain my husband, no one understands.   People think my husband looses his jobs because he's purposely careless or doesn't care, they think he's arrogant because he doesn't talk much and is always fidgeting with his blackberry in social situations, they think he is self centered because he gets stuck on topics he likes, they think he doesn't love me because he's not openly affectionate in public, they think he is stubborn because he sees things in black and white, they think hes obsessive because he needs to have the utensils facing a certain way after being washed and bills payed in a certain order.  But behind closed doors, I'm married to a man that wants more then anything to have a great job so he can buy me sparkly things and soap making supplies, he hugs and kisses me and the kids, he tells me what he is feeling, I talk to him about things he likes and I listen and then I try to like them too, he is painfully shy and insecure and puts up a jerk front and to keep him happy I always point the forks up when they are drying :)

There has to be more awareness for the grownups on the spectrum, people easily forget these cute kids grow up to be adults.  Unfortunately, some fly under the radar, especially when there was no diagnosis for things like Aspergers in the past.  I thank those in my family that are beginning to understand, I thank you for your help and your kindness and helping us get through this.

Club Spectrum

Doesn't that sound like an awesome place to party?  If that picture isn't over stimulating I dont know what is.  When LP got diagnoned I said something I guess I regret.  I said being part of the Spectrum Club was like joining the Sorority no one wants to be a part of.  I was bitter about it on the inside even though I didn't show it outwardly.  I told myself i didn't want puzzle stickers or key chains, I didn't want to be part of this club.  I wanted to have my friends and that was that, as if ignoring it, it would go away. 

I want to say I was wrong and I love this club.  I don't have my friends, they don't understand.  No one understands therapists in your space all day, no one understands having a child that doesn't respond to discipline, no one understands a child who doesn't communicate, no one understands a child who doesn't know how to make friends, no one understands a child who freaks out over the noises in a public restroom, no one understand spending money on holistic medicines or one understand except people in the Spectrum Club.

There are people all over this country, all over the world, that read my blog and are fans of my page.  You are the people I can talk to with out judging, who read my blog posts and can relate.  Thank you for being there, Thank you for being supportive, thank you for your advice and for sharing information.  This is a great club to be part of, and though many of you are hundreds if not thousands of miles away, you are friends.  Thank you for being a friend

Pee Pee in the potty......

Is it possible I rather change his diaper?  Every 30 minutes an alarm goes off in my house.  I then proceed to place an unwilling toddler on the toilet.  "oooo toilet paper" he says to which I respond "only if you make pee pee"  He has no concept of what peeing is, which is making this more difficult.  I see the poor kid pushing and nothing is coming :/.  I'm told i can leave him sitting there till he pees, but with the new mastery of the phrase  "all done" I'm then suppose to acknowledge the "all done".....grrr......If diapers were free......I'd just change his diaper will he was uncomfortable with it.  Ok that's not true, but I'm tired today, I rather play in the sprinklers then chart data on peeing. 

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Autism......and my marriage

We use to be, fun, fun.  I don't think our fun disappeared because of the Autism, I think it was more the whole becoming parents thing.  We never fought, we always had money and we were always partners in crime.  Now its a struggle to stay on the same page, my husbands inability to realize that our son wont be "cured" and the fact that we have nothing in the bank that is making it our lives a Roller Coaster Ride.

I don't believe the statistic about 90% of Autism families end up in divorce blah blah blah, I believe those people would have ended up divorced anyway.  I feel like its some inflated number to scare the crap out of people.  Is it harder, yes, but does i mean I walk away from my marriage because we aren't on the same page about discipline....NO.

I might ruffle some feathers with the next thought on my mind....but that's ok.  Sometimes I think we are so obsessed with the idea of Autism that we completely forget about our spouse.  Do I think everything in my marriage is my fault, no, but I don't help things.  Since my son got diagnosed all i do is read and do research.  I talk and talk and talk about ASD to everyone.  I blog, I comment, i video tape.  I concentrate so much on my son, that i forget my daughter, I forget God and I forget my husband.  Then all the reading makes me grumpy and I'm a huge bitch.  I yell at everyone, i freak out over nothing and i slip into the stupid depression I am pre-disposed to (thanks family history).

So no, its not the Autism itself, its the parents grasping and clawing their way through it, trying to help their kids communicate, make them feel better, to calm their children's end up loosing yourself, how can you not loose each other?

I use to be funny......I use to do funny dances and stick straws up my nose, I had fun stories, I had friends, i use to put on make up and do my hair, I sung in my car, I had a great collection of big sunglasses, I use to give a shit what my house looked like, I use to be optimistic, I use to dream,.........and stupidly I lost all that because I'm so self absorbed in a damn disorder that I cant win against.  I watched my neighbor throw tens of thousands of dollars in the garbage on EVERYTHING......and her son still wont say a word......he wont look at us.  She says I'm so lucky, I'm so lucky he looks at me, that he says he loves me.

Listen, I'm not saying I'm giving up, or that I'm not going to to my damn best to help my son, but I think for the sake of our marriages and our sanity some of us need to step back.  I wish i was like my husband, hes so "well I had the same issues and I turned out fine, I don't know why your shoving fish oil down his throat"  I got annoyed, but he had a point.  I've also left him out of it all, i go about my business dealing with things, doing new things and I don't even tell my husband what I'm doing......its like I forgot he existed.  Sucks, i feel like a great mother and a crappy wife.  I hope I can balance this out some how

Saturday, July 16, 2011

The Placebo Effect

So, I didn't think it was possible but I think it is.  I gave my son Fish oil and vit.C for 2 days and the placebo effect has effected me!  I'm pretty sure your kid doesn't over night start saying 4 word sentences and having his first pee on the toilet because of fish oil.  "call daddy on phone" he says....ummmmm OK!   My husband didn't believe he said that, but he did.  Then I put him on the toilet this morning, and finally the kid peed!  He looked shocked, like he didn't know what happened or why in Gods name i was jumping around and shoving candy in his mouth at 8am.  Please picture a mother jumping and shoving m&m's into the mouth of a 3 year old with no pants on....its comical and confusing, I completely understand why he was confused. 

Like I said, I think its all in my head.  Aside from my daughter rubbing sunblock in her eyes, today has been a good day :)

Lemon Flavored Milk

If you a fan on my Facebook page, you will know that I gave LP a spoonful of this fish oil....and he spit out.  Ok maybe not spit, but let it all slowly flow out of the corners of his mouth.  This morning, I decided to mix it with his milk , I'm not sure what I was thinking.  Oh yea, I remember what I was thinking......I was thinking, I spend a decent amount of money on this and it better get into his body and not on my fabric chair cushions.

Its taken two hours for him to get the milk down, something that usually takes about ten minutes.  I was getting annoyed, until he offered me a sip (he likes to share food and drinks with me), i said no thank you but he shoved the sippy cup my mouth.  I unfortunately got a drop of milk in my mouth.......Dear Lord it was gross.  Ugh, God Bless this kid, it was lemon flavored milk yucko.  I tasted a spoonful yesterday and that was better than mixed with milk, uck I'm a horrible mother.  I will have to find something new to mix it with, I wonder how apple juice will work.....I wish he swallowed pills.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Supplements, here we go!

For a month now, I've wanted to start my son on supplements.  Well, due to our limited finances that wasn't happening.  Prayers being answered, I got a few dollars and could finally drive my butt to the health supply store by my house.......I was overwhelmed to say the least.

When you walk into Total Health, all you see is aisles and aisles and some more aisles of vitamins.  I didn't even know there were that many vitamins and supplements in the world.  Its a warehouse of vitamins.  I walk in and see toothpaste....I could use some of that I think.  A nice older woman saw me staring, clutching my daughter and my toothpaste and knew I was lost.

This angel of a woman listened to my story and walked me down an aisle.....aaaahhhhh Omega 3's!  Then she walked me over to Vit. C.  She said for now, start out with those and see how things go.  So here i was holding $60 worth of products and she just looks at me, with my worried confused look.  It was like she read my soul and knew I had only $80 in my pocket and still had to go to other stores.  The angel woman says, "hun, I'm going to give you 30% off, your new here and I think you deserve it".

There are still good people in this world.  Beautiful, wonderful, good people.  Thank you for today Lord, thank you!

Stop Tanning!

No, this is not about Autism....this is about how I can not let this happen to my daughter.  

Husband and son are off to father/son day and I am here Facebook stalking people I don't even know as my daughter sleeps.   As I look through pictures of some super tan girls, I could literally scream.  I get it, sure everyone likes a little color. I mean I get color from playing outside with the kids etc., but I can never understand these young girls tanning outside daily and THEN tanning inside and even after THAT getting a spray tan.  I know that sounds insane, but I once knew a girl who did that.  This girl is 26 and now has more wrinkles then my mother. 

I am disturbed by the amount of damage these women are inflicting on their skin.  I was blessed with porcelain white skin that I inherited from my fathers Polish roots yet have the ability to tan and not burn which must be from my mothers Cuban ancestry.  Even with limited burns in my life I have had 4 moles removed and biopsied.  My stepfather has had Melanoma....TWICE.  And besides the medical consequences, who wants to age so poorly???  

27yr old me, wears sunblock                            Lyndsey Lohan....25 yr old tanorexic

************DISCLAIMER: The horrific face I am making is to poke fun at Jersey Shore, I certainly do not take pictures like that. ***************

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Great Job Yelling at That Boy.......

.....wait what?  Today we went to look at another pre-school program and get a screening.  This was the second school we saw, and I think this is the one.  The first school we toured was huge, I felt like I could easily get lost, it was also one of the only schools close to the house with full day openings.  I found it strange that when we went through the tour, they never showed us a class with kids in it.  Wow, um that's a nice room and all but can you show me some kids?  I suppose they didn't want to disrupt a class but how am I suppose to get an idea of what goes on here if I cant see any kids???

Today, at school two, I SAW KIDS!!!   First thing we did was bring LP into a 10-1-2 class with kids his age.  He did great, he said hi, he danced with the kids, did circle time, played in the was great.  I spoke to the teachers and got a real good feeling, everything here was just like my boy, including Thomas tables in the entrance and animals on the walls.  It was smaller and was not an ABA program, but there were many ABA things I saw teachers doing.  He looked so happy!

So the title of this post is throwing you off right?  Well, my son is a huge pusher.  If you are in his space and he cant verbally tell you to get out of it, he will push you.  It seems no matter how many times we try to facilitate the language and tell him to use words instead of hands......hands win.  While we were in the class I was getting emotional watching my son with the other kids, laughing and playing.  But then I had a moment where I almost cried (tears of joy, may I add).....

Little Boy : Come lets play (goes to grab LP's hand)

Me: (anticipating a huge push....oh nooo)

LP:  No, Stop it! (keeps hands to self)

Me:  Good job yelling no!....I mean, good job not pushing

Now if he can keep this up with his sister and stop knocking her over 5 x a day

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

A Brother and Sister Grow Together

When I was pregnant with Baby Diva, my mother said something that really pissed me off.  She said "The kids will probably start talking at the same time at the rate things are going."  It bothered me, I knew it might be true, it hurt.  I knew something was wrong with my boy, I just didn't know what. Honestly I was too scared to find out what I already knew in my gut. 

Today at 9.5 months my daughter did the typical backwards baby wave on her own, no prompting.  I was elated.....but then like everything else it takes me back.  I realize that LP was 15 months old before we could get him to wave and even after all that he lost it by 18 months.  He is now 3 and i still have to force him to wave goodbye.  Baby Diva has also been pointing, something little man did and lost. 

Both my children are awesome little miracles.  My mom was wrong......LP started talking before his sister (WOO HOO!)  She babbles a lot, says dada and mama (but only when she is crying) .  Its fun to see them hit their milestones at their own pace.  They are so different, but so alike.  Today is a good day!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Boots.....must wear boots.

Ahhh, my sons Taxi boots.  My mother bought these for LP back when we had a blizzard two days after Christmas.  I remember telling her he would never wear them, too restrictive.  of course I was wrong........and these are just a few pictures, I have more.  It got to the point where I had to hide all rain boots in our house.  There would be days I would hear crying from the back room and I would find LP in my rain boots, up to his thighs, stuck, unable to walk.  

Today, I found where I hid the taxi boots.  Without fail, on they went.  The last frame he was watchin blues clues in his bathing suit, rocking his boots.......I love this crazy kid

Who Doesn't Love Bubbles??

I was inspired to Blog by a wonderful mom and her Family over at Bubbles Make him Smile Blog.  When I brought it to her attention that my son also loved bubbles, she offered to send us a bubble blower!!  So I want to say Thank you!!!!!!!  LP has a great time with it and the lightup colors are fantastic! 

Friday, July 8, 2011

The Great "Animal Center"

As you may know my darling boy turned 3 on Wednesday.  Everyone always asks me what to get LP for holidays and birthdays, and people try to find things that I describe, but it doesn't always work.  Ah, but this year, Grandpa Joe had me on the phone while he was in Toys R us!

LP has been starting to use his imagination.....or at least I think he is, so toys such as a zoo are perfect!  He has never gotten super excited about a present before, he always kind of just ignored wrapped gift boxes.  So to my surprise, he screamed "oooo its a present!!!!!" when he saw the huge playmobil box wrapped in Elmo paper.  And then my heart proceeded to melt as he screamed "ITS AN ANIMAL CENTER!!!!!" (thanks Diego it's really a zoo).  See, my son has never gotten excited about a toy before, not like that.  He use to like getting trains, but it was only really a smile and then he would proceed to stare at the wheels.

This was the best birthday gift, and best birthday as a whole for LP in his 3 years of life.  I spent about an hour and change putting that zoo together, and when he woke up he played and played for 3 hours!  My only complaint is that after 3 hours he got tired of "animal center" and when he is tired of something and cant express his feelings, he throws it on the floor.  So with a loud crash, my heart sank at the idea of having to put that whole thing back together.  He got a 5 minute time out, i needed to cool off.  I've been cooled off for about 5 hours now, and the "animal center" is back together and we are playing nice so far.  I keep telling him Zebras don't live with Lions but, he insists they do.  SO cute!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Thank you Steve Jobs AGAIN!

I can not tell you how much I appreciate the people at Apple.  Like I said before, the invention of the Ipad has changed my life, as well as the lives of countless families dealing with Autism. 

Two years ago, my husband and I bought a Macbook Pro with some of our wedding money.  You would wonder why we would spend so much on a lap top, the simple answer is we are both great at wrecking PCs.  I have wrecked 2 computers with Malware, spyware, virus etc and my husband has wrecked one.  The idea that we could have a computer that would not be ruined by virus' converted us to Apple, regardless of cost.

When we bought that computer we also purchased the warrenty.  A month into having it, the Macbook was dropped on the floor (not by us).  Knowing it was a $700 repair we have just lived with it.  Today I had an 11:15m appointment to get the Macbook looked at because it wasnt charging......and we waited an hour past that :(. 

So the guy appologises and lets me know that its the charger and that they would replace that for me for free.  Then he proceeds to tell me that I look like I have my hands full with two kids and that he wants to fix my screen and other external damage, as well as upgrade my software for free since I have never used my warranty.  WHAT?  What company does that?  Basically he is giving me a new computer.  Either he psychically knew it was the bys birthday or I looked that stressed....I hope it was the first option.

So yes, Apple is great.  I love them.  If i had any money, i would buy something from them just because

Happy 3rd Birthday to my Little Professor!

  Today, my little man is 3!  July 4th weekend im always flooded with (wonderful) emotions when I remember giving birth to this little monster .  On July 4th of 2008 I sat with my husband on the couch at my brother in laws and told him that if I didn't go into labor I would kill myself.  Luckily the next afternoon at 3pm my water broke and after 12 hours my son was born at 3:02am at 7lbs 3oz.

He was fantastic!  Like I've said, he was a little funny in some ways, like being a horrible breastfeeder and super clingy, but he was mine and he was perfect.  I try to never be sad that he did not end up the typical child I thought he would be.  When those feelings creep up, I remember that he is perfect to us, that God gave me a gift that day and I thank him for that.  What makes me the saddest is that he is such a big boy, he is not that little guy in the white hat.  I wish he could stay little forever.

Monday, July 4, 2011

The Story of Diagnosis (part 2)

I feel like I have to get all the pain and backstory out before I can move on to blog about more wonderful things going on in our lives. Wonderful things are going on with LP!! He is so funny, I ask him how old he is going to be and he actually says three! Also, today, July 4th, my son watched fireworks for 10 while minutes.....then with hands over ears he said "good bye" ( his way of saying he's done with what he is doing). Fireworks = great success!

So today I posted a video about Autism in the U.S. It was mostly about the vaccines. I personally believe that there is a genetic trate that is passed down (everyone has a quirky uncle right) but I honestly believe that vaccines hurt babies. A family member, whose child also has ASD, tells me constantly to get off the vaccine band wagon......but I can't. And now I will explain why.....

At 26 weeks pregnant I received 2 steroid shots, 24 hours apart, in my butt that burned like hell. At the time I was being cared for at a hospital that was being sued for accidentally causing the deaths of 6 people. I had no insurance and this was my only option. At 20 weeks I was told my cervix was short and that I would need weekly monitoring (I find out later from my current ob that my cervix was in normal range and that the hospital most likely did it to cover their butts and milk new York state for Medicaid money). So every week I was monitored and at 26 weeks was told that as a precaution, I should receive these two steroid shots to mature my sons lungs just incase Like a good little girl I did what I was told....I got my shots.

On July 6th 2008 I birthed a baby boy who came right on time, only one day early. He was perfect to me in every way. I said the minute he was born he was clingy, he never wanted to be put down. He also was a horrible breastfeeder. I would feed him 12 times a day practically, he struggled so much to get a good amount in. I never gave up though and BF till he was 11months old.

LP was a little funny. He was on the later end of hitting milestones, but he smiled, he cooed and eventually he did things like lift his head. At about 8.5 months old my son had a well visit and was set to receive the first half of a flu vaccine. Stupid me didn't think twice, even though I personally would never get one myself. The night after he received the vaccine my son shot up in bed ( he had been sleeping between my husband and I ) and started swaying back and forth like he was drunk. He was burning up with a 103.3 temperature. I freaked and called the dr who told me it was normal and to give him motrin, I did and it went down, but it was uncomfortable enough that I never went back for the second half of that shot.

A week passed and my son had a fever again. Along with this fever he had a cough and was struggling to breath, he would stop breathing while he slept, so to the hospital we went. He ended up on nebulizer treatments every 3 hours around the clock. There was limit space at the hospital so I was sent home with instructions to go to the dr every morning at 8am to monitor his oxygen. Eventually he got better, but he became a very lazy mushy baby. I remember we went to birthday party and he cried the whole time, he wouldn't go near kids, or play with toys, he screamed and screamed and I knew something was wrong. He stopped responding to his name, he stopped exploring.....he stopped Making attempts to walk.

Two more weeks passed and my son started vommiting. He threw up at least 7 times a week for 3 weeks......and the doctors told me it was normal because they couldn't figure out why. Then the ear infections started, double ear infections at least once or twice a month. Lastly the bleeding diaper rashes. They told me it was yeast, they told me it had to be from breastfeeding, that it had to be thrush. The problem was I never had thrush, and he never had it in his mouth. Yet, he would have chronic soft stool laced with yeast that gave my son open sores on his butt. It got so bad that I stopped breastfeeding thinking it was me.....but it wasn't.

This whole time my husband and I started thinking he was depressed. My son never look happy. I thought I was a horrible mother because no matter what I did he wasn't happy. He didn't play with toys and all he wanted was to be held. He stopped developing at a normal pace. We thought that his development had slowed because of the chronic ear infections, that he must not have been feeling up to walking or talking. He did start pointing, and started saying car and ball. Then at 15 months he got his shots (excluding MMR) and my son froze.

Everything froze in time, the words went away the screaming and the behaviors began and so did the eczema. We thought he was deaf, but he wasn't. I thought putting him in daycare he would be more social, he wasnt. He fell all the time, he screamed all the time, he had no words, he didn't even say mama. Again I was told it was normal and I was crazy to think Autism.....and I believed them.

In 2010 my son didn't get a single vaccine.....and in 2010 my son did not get one ear infection and the eczema went away. As the year progressed, my sons behaviors got more odd and violent. Spinning, jumping, running, acting deaf, lining up trains, stiming on the dresser, no speech, violent tantrums......once again told it was normal. At 30 months my son was diagnosed with ASD and I finally knew I was right the whole time.....and I can only think that these vaccines had something to do with it.

Starting from those steroid shots at 26 weeks, that are ment to only be given to women that are showing actualy signs of labor, not just incase. The insert I found out later has a huge warning to not be usesd on infants of children due to risk of neurological damage or death.....yet it was injected into me!!!! The flu shot was the second big one, defiantly containing thermerisol and lastly the vaccines he got at 15 months old. I honestly believe that little by little these vaccines hurt my son and only until I stopped giving them to him did he at least regain his health.

I can't change the past, I can only learn from it and spread the word. My main priority is helping my son recover as much as he can. Thank you for letting me share my story.....I've never written it all out, it needed to be done.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Life Goes On, Autism or Not

My life revolves around the kids. When LP was diagnosed, my life revolved around finding out everything about Autism. It consumes you, and as you are being consumed with statistics, studies, research and so called cures, life goes on. Things happen all around you, and for me, I turned a blind eye and hope to become some Autism expert.

My husband lost his job one month after our son was diagnosed with Autism. He was a manager and blew up at someone at work. He tried to explain the stress of the diagnosis, but the HR didn't want to hear it. With a small amount of debt and just enough to get us by for 3 months my husband rear ends someone......bye bye $3,000. This whole time I ignored the situation, figured we would be ok like we always are.

Today, we ran out of money. We have nothing, unemployment will come Wednesday and cover our food and part of rent. I called all the credit card companies and sake for hardship programs, I lowered our cell phones plans. I actually applied for food stamps......I feel so humbled. I grew up with money and here I am getting food stamps. Thankfully the kids have insurance even though we don't.

I don't really know where I have been.."I've had my heads in the Autism clouds. I had no idea things were so bad. Like I've said before though, we are so blessed. My son gets all the services he needs payed by the taxes we pay, I might not be able to get biomedical treatments, but My by can get special Ed pre school. I dont know where we would be if we were in another state.

I would like to thank the other Autism parents on keep me strong, you give me hope, and you are a great community to be part of.

Next July 4th was.....more upbeat, I promie!!!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

The Always Vacuuming Mom

For a long time I avoided vacuuming because it would frighten LP. Maybe that makes me a bad housewife......ok not really, but looking back it was a bad idea. Now with Baby Diva crawling everywhere and eating everything off the floor I must regularly vacuum my home.

Looking back, there are a ton of things I should not have avoided when LP was smaller. Had I just gotten him desensitized to certain things when he was smaller , in could avoid WW3 size freak outs coming out of a soon to be 3 year old. As I said the vacuum was number one. The minute you turn the thing on, he sprints to the farthest point in the house....that's now. In the past he sobbed and shook in the farthest part of the house. We are still having issues with bath time, especially with the shower head. Today I actually got him in the shower with minimal melt down....that is till the water got in his eyes. There are a bunch of other issues he has that I babies him through and am Now paying for.

I don't know if I was right or wrong, but I felt because I had a child that was different, I should baby him, protect him, basically let him do whatever he wanted. When he started ABA I was told that wasn't doing him any good. My son is very intelligent and is capable of lots of of those things was manipulating me. I thought that was a teenagers job, to manipulate their parents....not apparently a child with high functioning autism and a brain far beyond his years can leaner to manipulate people.

I didn't see this until he figured out he wasn't going to be able to pull these tricks with me anymore, but knew he could with his grandparents. I would watch my son who had started talking with us become mute at his grandparents house. He would fake thirst for more chocolate milk, he would throw himself to the ground on purpose to get attention, he would grunt and stim 20x worse then at home....what was this???? Oh yea it's manipulation.

They told me it was only a small minority of people who have an autistic child with high iq's and not to expect it (especially since they placed him at a 9 month old receptive level at 30 months)......turns out it scored high average iq on one of those tests and that was with him not talking, can't imagine if he spoke.

Anyway, I've recently just been giving him tough love, and it turns out half of those things that bothered him so much don't really bother him if I don't feed into his bugging out. I wish I knew this earlier. I would have had a cleaNer house, with a cleaner kid, who got a haircut more than once every 6 months and doesn't throw tAntrms when we transition. "bye park, see you next time" he says...all I could think was, wait your not going to throw your self on the floor?

That's my rant for the night. Baby Diva is learning from her brother. Tonight was rough. She had one night where she didn't go to bed in her crib, she was rocked to sleep by grandma. This of course made tonight impossible. I had always heard messing up a sleep schedule would cause chaos but I had no idea it was this bad.

everyone enjoy your 4th of July, be safe, healthy and hug your babies!!

Friday, July 1, 2011

It's July 1st

In 2 months and 6 days my first born child will get on a bus and go to school. While of course this is the best thing for him......I still don't want him to go :(. This is one of the main reasons I hate Autism. At 3 years old I have to send my baby to full day pre-school 5 days a week. While everyone else is still home with their 3 year olds, mine is getting daily OT,PT, speech and home ABA therapy.

I'm excited to know that he will learn so much, and learn to socialize with other kids. I'm glad that he will learn to sit at a table with other children with out having anxiety. I'm happy I can get a break and pursue some business ventures.

Things will be ok, this is a new chapter ......but like my son I am very uncomfortable with change.