Im Thinking too much

ahhhh, this hat!

I wake up and I dream of a time where I can worry or even just think of superficial crap.


All I can think about this morning is getting Lia an OT evaluation.  Then from there I think about how even though she is presenting with Sensory Processing Disorder....that is not a diagnosis alone.  She has no Autism flags, just the sensory.  So I am left here to fend for it myself.

I have been up for 3 hours and besides doing simple changing and drinking coffee, my husband has taken care of the kids and the dishes as I google for hours about compression vests and anxiety disorders in 2 year olds.

I long for a day when the biggest stress in my life will be what color kitchen curtains to get or what counter top would go best with my back splash.  Maybe it will never be like that, maybe no ones life is so simple, maybe its Facebook where everyone puts a best foot forward or people constantly complain about the most simple things.  Here I am thinking, seriously, your day sucks?  My child is having a 5 alarm meltdown over a hair touching her or her food touching each other....once the meltdown begins all ability to communicate stops and she is mute.

Lets add in the ASD kid who has been doing so well, but pushes the buttons of the super sensitive kid.....its like a chaotic orchestra of screams.  Again, tell me how much your life sucks.  I have developed an ulcer from the stress of my children.  Its something I don't talk about, I eat and if anything is triggered in regards to stress I feel like my insides are eating themselves.....actually....I have it right now. 

I read an article that said Autism Moms Have Stress Similar To Combat Soldiers ....... yea you read that right....and there are days I feel it.  I have started to snap in my head, I get so angry....all the screaming, all the freaking, all the aggression, all the repetition.....at any second someone could do something to disturb the peace that we are in......a kids brain is tripped and the screaming and crying starts, I cant get one minute to myself.

Through all of it I stay positive, really I do.  I am a Christian woman and I think to myself well, there is a reason for it all.  I know in the past I have asked "why?" to see the true reason years down the road.  My life does not suck.  I suppose I am blessed that I can think of substantial things....i just wish my brain didn't have to work so much

Wheat...... Wheat Everywhere

I'm impulsive.  So last week I decided The kids weren't eating Gluten anymore.....end of story.

Ok Now for the Back Story:

When Frankie was diagnosed with Autism in Feb 2011, I was bombarded with ideas and cures.  My first thought was.....I'm not doing that Gluten thing.  My kid at the time had a solid diet of yogurt, apples, Bread and chicken nuggets.  Sorry, I wasn't taking the gluten out, its what he ate. 

Murphy's Law states:

"When Parent says 'I don't want to go Gluten Free', Child will come back with a positive test result for Celiacs Disease"

Its a long story.....but Long story Short....My sons Blood work came back positive for Celiacs but his Intestinal Biopsy came back negative. 

Our Doctor and the specialist had two different schools of thought.  Specialist said, "eventually he will come back with intestinal damage, it will be after years of eating Wheat and then we will have to go GF anyway.  So why not just do it now".  Pediatrician says "Live the same and go in and retest, when its damaged then go GF"

Out of fear i guess I just went with the pediatricians line of thought because it was less scary, there was no need for change (see he's not the only one with change issues).  And so it went till last Monday. 

I have been missing from Blogging and my autism Groups in the last few weeks because my kid was out of control and I was so down about it.  The behaviors, the screaming, the hitting, the meltdowns...... I was melting down.

So, in an impulse, I decided we were going Gluten Free.  It was time, I was going to have to do it one day so why not just do it now.  I threw out the open wheat products and gave away the closed ones. 

I'm not going to go to into what happened when I tried to feed the kids meat (they hate meat) and turkey nuggets breaded in rice chex......

So I will say......

A week into this......my sons not freaking out.  He is having full, long, drawn out conversations with me.

Yesterday he took a toy from school for Lia......When she woke up he was so excited, he told her how he took it and brought it to her because he thought since it had a heart she would love it.  It could go with her dolls and that he knew she would love it.....Amazing!  The back of my mind I was thinking, well you can't STEAL toys, but honestly so thoughtful!

And finally....this morning something happened.....which is probably only great to me.  In the first time in 4.5 years....my kid had a normal poop.  I almost cried over poop, but after years of diarrhea, soft Bm's everywhere....this kid had a friggen normal poop. 

The life of a Mother with a Child on the Spectrum, crying over toy Stealing and Poop :)

The Winner is........

 

LISA I.

you are the WINNER!

Please email me @ danielle.sforza@gmail.com so I can mail out your 

Hang Up Home Organizer!

For More info on this product go to 

www.mythirthyone.com/daniellesforza

Oh Target....

How I doth love thee.....

Yesterday, I sent the two older children to Grandmas House so they could go do the Chucky Cheese thing.  Again I commend my mother in law, the idea of going there with the kids gives me major anxiety, yet she and my father in law take it with stride and have a great time with the kids!

SO me and little bear....its not just a name I give the baby...kid looks like a bear, hes huge and wears a bear coat lol..... we go to Target. 

It has been theorized that you can NOT walk into Target and spend less then $100.  It is because of that theory, I don't walk into Target and instead grumble around Walmart hoping I can get out as soon as possible.  But this day.....alone with the baby....in need of socks, instant mash potatoes and light bulbs, I though....... CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

Did some math in my head....socks $10.....Mash $2.....Light bulbs $5.......Even if i threw in a few other things I could totally walk out under $100.  So Mrs. Budget Conscious walks around Target, getting what I need....then it begins. 

- What follows are the dialogs in my head and with my 6 month old-

Well the kids needed socks.....and they are so inexpensive....i should get them each 3 PACKS of socks. Frankie needs a bunch of different socks because all of them bother his feet.... Oh wait look at these princess socks, Lia would love these!

NEXT Stop.....

Oh look little boy blazers....oh the boys don't have Easter Outfits but I'm sure these are too much...WAIT $14!  That's no bad!  Oh well they need something to put under the Blazers, $5 for this dress shirt?  That's not too bad.  Wait James doesn't have pants that match this...must get pants. 

NEXT

I hate CFL's they make my apartment look blue and cold.  Oh look they put a CFL in a round bulb to fake people out.  $20???  Oh wait here are regular bulbs....I hear they would make regular bulbs illegal.....I need to buy 20 bulbs since they are like $3 for 4.....20 Bulbs it is, they are so cheap anyway.  Batteries!  I could use some of these extra batteries

NEXT:

WOW A MINNIE DRESS..... Ok I did NOT buy the Minnie dress or the doctor set, or the cleaning set or the toy story set I wanted to get the kids...i had SOME self control

NEXT:

Ok where are the mash potatoes.  Wow one box $1.47....but look at these little .99 cent packages for when I'm feeling EXTRA lazy and don't even want to add the milk myself.  Lets throw 10 of those in here

REGISTER TIME:

Throw in a candy bar and a Diet Coke.....with NY States 8.63% sales tax......I came in over $100 all those socks.....Darn you TARGET!

It shouldn't even be a theory, it should be fact.  It could be that quiet time with out the big kids running around let me relax and makes me stay longer.  It could be that things are cheap so you in turn buy more.....OR it COULD be that they pump something into the air that alters your brain and makes you buy crap.  Who knows....all i know is my kids are going to have warm feet, belly's full of mash potatoes, warm looking light bulbs with no mercury (another topic, another time) and are going to look Awesome on Easter :)

Note: Got Dress 60% off at Macys.....ah those boys are going to look great!

Apparently, its one or the other

So after night 3 of Melatonin.....my son is SUPER well rested.

This means mornings are pleasant.  The kids eat and get ready for school with out tears.  With that being said...it seems all that extra needed sleep has caused TONS of extra energy!

It seems with Autism, if its not one thing its another.  When his language came his behaviors got worse, when his behaviors are good, his emotions are out of wack.

I suppose I shoudl get use to this.  SO I sleep at night but he's bouncing off couches while awake.
Not sure whats better.....