I'm right there......

I had a emotionally mommy moment earlier.  I have the benefit of having friends with children similar to mine.....so vent I did to Adventures on the Spectrum.  I've come to realize, us mamas hate showing our vulnerability, but sometimes we must, to show we are human.

This is my son.....The son that 2+ years ago did not speak.  The son who did not respond to his name, stimmed most of the day and had no real way to communicate with me.  I remember all i wanted him to do was be able to tell me he wanted juice or that he was hungry.  One of the rock bottom times for me was when he ate a crayon, he ate a crayon because he was hungry, he was hungry and couldn't tell me.

The years have past and I have a fully verbal child.....who can be rude at times.  Well, he is actually rude most of the time.  If I took Frankie out with me 1:1 and placed no demands on him, he would look and act like a typical 4.5 year old.  I am right there....... the trouble is, his emotions.  He still has great difficulty reading peoples emotions, with that comes frustration and frustration leads to MELT DOWN.   The other day my heart ached as he tickled his sister (who was now annoyed and was crying) he yelled at her "Lia, are you laughing or crying?  I don't know, I can't tell "  .  He has issues reading social cues from other kids so he doesn't understand kids don't like him in their faces, kids run away and he chases them......the kids freak out.  My husband trains Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and he has won many awards.....so my son thinks his dad is a fighter and instead of cuddling and hugging he is constantly trying to "fight him".  When we correct the "fighting"......or anything for that matter, MELT DOWN.  Ask him to wait MELT DOWN, ask him to get on the bus when he is in the middle of watching 3rd and bird MELT DOWN, Tell him pretzels is not a dinner option....you get the idea.

Being on this end of the spectrum I feel like we are right there...... if I could remedy his last few issues he could be happy all day.  Only  few steps from forming relationships..... I feel so close but then again far away.  I don't know how long it will take for him to get there.....if he will ever get there.

Please don't get me wrong, In the end its not about me.  I don't want him to change for me, I just want him to be comfortable.