Monday, January 21, 2013
I have been meaning to write this blog for about two week, but in all honesty I didn't have the time or the desire. Well that's not entirely true, i did have the desire but....yea time, that's hard to come by. In this moment I should be doing something else, my dishes are over flowing and my washer is beeping but at the same time I hate feeling like I dropped off here.
SOOO there it is in the title, I feel grossly inadequate in a million ways. I have an issue with taking too much on, not because i have to but because I genuinely want to.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~STEPPED AWAY FROM THIS POST FOR 3 WEEKS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok I'm back. I am friends with quite a few Autism Mommy's and Daddy's, some of them bloggers like myself. Last night i drank sweet wine.....When I drink sweet whine or champagne I end up crying. Crying because I feel like I should be doing so much more for my son. I wish i had set his room up like a classroom, I wish i had time to do floor time at home, i wish i had an impeccable schedule, i wish i hadn't had the three kids so close, i feel like maybe someone else would have done better, i wish i had more patience. Then add the parents that do the whole biomed thing. Here I am wondering.....would all that stuff make my son feel better on the inside. AM i a FAILURE because i didn't spend thousands of dollars on supplements and diets etc to try.
I see posts on facebook about these kids diets and "we never ingest anything processed" as my kid is munching down on a pop tart that I just gave him to bribe him to eat carrots because we are trying to go gluten free (he has Latent Celiacs). IF that's not the most asinine thing ever I don't know what is.
I see people perfectly potty training their children and here I am having knock down drag out fights with my son to just sit on it....so i gave up for a little. To me if it takes till he is 5 so be it, but i feel like a failure, i should have printed laminated charts and graphs and highly nutritious treats that he eats with no problem to train him for the potty.
Two years ago when I started this I envisioned myself as this with it mom. The one who had all the therapy tools, who kept her cool and was a rold model for other moms. I would give my kids the best foods and give them great supplements that helped his tummy and brain feel better. I would be persistent and strong....I would just be awesome.
So last night I cried to my husband because I don't think I am any of those. I'm chugging along. My kids think I'm awesome, My family does too....Really that's all that matters. I think I will just live in the mindset that everyone is bragging on facebook and they too have messy houses and let their kids eat pop tarts for lunch if they really have to.