Monday, January 21, 2013
Inadequate Mom
I have been meaning to write this blog for about two week, but in all honesty I didn't have the time or the desire. Well that's not entirely true, i did have the desire but....yea time, that's hard to come by. In this moment I should be doing something else, my dishes are over flowing and my washer is beeping but at the same time I hate feeling like I dropped off here.
SOOO there it is in the title, I feel grossly inadequate in a million ways. I have an issue with taking too much on, not because i have to but because I genuinely want to.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~STEPPED AWAY FROM THIS POST FOR 3 WEEKS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok I'm back. I am friends with quite a few Autism Mommy's and Daddy's, some of them bloggers like myself. Last night i drank sweet wine.....When I drink sweet whine or champagne I end up crying. Crying because I feel like I should be doing so much more for my son. I wish i had set his room up like a classroom, I wish i had time to do floor time at home, i wish i had an impeccable schedule, i wish i hadn't had the three kids so close, i feel like maybe someone else would have done better, i wish i had more patience. Then add the parents that do the whole biomed thing. Here I am wondering.....would all that stuff make my son feel better on the inside. AM i a FAILURE because i didn't spend thousands of dollars on supplements and diets etc to try.
I see posts on facebook about these kids diets and "we never ingest anything processed" as my kid is munching down on a pop tart that I just gave him to bribe him to eat carrots because we are trying to go gluten free (he has Latent Celiacs). IF that's not the most asinine thing ever I don't know what is.
I see people perfectly potty training their children and here I am having knock down drag out fights with my son to just sit on it....so i gave up for a little. To me if it takes till he is 5 so be it, but i feel like a failure, i should have printed laminated charts and graphs and highly nutritious treats that he eats with no problem to train him for the potty.
Two years ago when I started this I envisioned myself as this with it mom. The one who had all the therapy tools, who kept her cool and was a rold model for other moms. I would give my kids the best foods and give them great supplements that helped his tummy and brain feel better. I would be persistent and strong....I would just be awesome.
So last night I cried to my husband because I don't think I am any of those. I'm chugging along. My kids think I'm awesome, My family does too....Really that's all that matters. I think I will just live in the mindset that everyone is bragging on facebook and they too have messy houses and let their kids eat pop tarts for lunch if they really have to.
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Yeah, been there. And when I forget, my inlaws are there to remind me of how much more I should be doing. But you are doing fine. If others are doing more, or different, that is their life. You love your kids. You do what you can, you try not to beat yourself up over the stuff you don't get to. Hopefully I can follow my own advice on that one. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI completely get it...and I feel that way much of the time too. These interwebs are a funny thing. They connect us with others who "get it". At the same time we are also connected to those who seem to do it all and do it well. I too have decided (because ive seen it enough on the back end) that those "I have my ducks in a row and life is bliss" posts are as more about convincing the poster that they arent drowning in life. Less about true success. Keep doing what youre doing. Dont measure your success against others but by your impact in your own world. Your family thinks youre awesome...that speaks volumes!
ReplyDeleteMy 5 year old ASD kid is on his 3rd bag of mini oreos today because I can't deal with the meltdowns that would accompany my refusal to give in to his demands. I'm chugging along with you!! :)
ReplyDelete<3!
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone. The little princess just had half a bag of cheesy puffcorn for lunch with 2 big glasses of milk..that's it. I was reading your post and thought, "Wow, he'll eat carrots!";-) She's also 6, half-way potty trained, & still in pull-ups because she pees like a little Cocker Spaniel when she gets excited or upset. (Worst comparison ever, I know!) The fact is, that even if you have to step back for a little, you keep trying, and that's what makes you awesome.:-) BTW, I'm convinced most of those "perfect posters" are *liars*!! ~Cassie
ReplyDeleteyour post is awesome... I am a mom of 3 (2w/autism & 1NT)... I don't compare myself to everyone else, although they compare me to them, usually where I fall short in their eyes... I made a decision a long time ago... I will do what is best for me and mine... My son is 17 and he is still potty training, and yes, I get rude comments from family, friends and strangers but i don't care... My daughter is 18 and she meows, and talks about anime and cats all day, and I let her... why the hell not??? have you seen people and their kids??? everybody is different, and if you start comparing, it will never end... I give my kids pop tarts, I let them stay up late, play video games, watch tv, and wear what ever the hell they want, as long as it is clean, it fits, and appropriate for the weather, I don't believe in tests or homework, and i don't let my kids be tested at school (aside for IEP's)... I say I live in the autism world, i just get to visit the (NORMAL) world... My kids, are happy, generally healthy, and they are progressing at the rate that works for them, and if they don't, then they don't... I tell my kids, if it takes forever to learn a skill, then it takes forever, because in the end it's just them and I, and I have my whole life to spend with them... don't be so hard on yourself... NO ONE IS PERFECT... especially the ones who seem like they are... you do what is right for you and your family, and that makes you an awesome mom...
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