Never.....

Trigger Warning "lol"
* Language*

Yesterday I was "in it" as I say.  I was all up in the Autism.  All up in it with the thought that hit me....This Shit is NEVER going  away.

That's a green table.  A green table my mother picked up second hand for Frankie for his room.  It was meant for him to color at, or play like a child should.  A few months after she picked up the table he was diagnosed....I said well, that will make a great area for ABA.

Brand new baby in hand I turned a room into an ABA center.  IN every IEP meeting they tell me how far he has come and I say how at 2 I thought he would never talk.... at the same time, as I turned his room in to therapy center I told myself with enough therapy he would be mainstream by kindergarten - first grade. Wrong.

People tell you how much things will change.  How once his speech is in order his behavior will regress, how when his behavior is better his processing will regress, a triangle I'm told, something will always suffer.   I didn't think it would go away, I didn't think one morning he would wake up Autism Free....that's not the case.

I know he will never be Autism Free, but yesterday it hit me.  He is going to be 5, as much as I feel I have been doing this forever, I'm STILL NEW here.  AS "typical" as I am, sometimes I can see scenarios and visions in my head.

Right now I picture myself on a dirt road.... I just tripped on my face due to all these behavioral problems and crap that have taken over my once sweet and mild mannered child.  I just look.....I look down this long never ending path full of tree roots and holes I'll probably trip in again.  I realize this shit is never going away.  I'm ok with it...its just weird to think about....too much to wrap my brain around.

Things I swore I WOULD and WOULD NOT do as a mother.....

In Honor of Mothers Day I decided to share a list of the things I thought i would and would not do as a mother.  Enjoy, laugh and have a great day!!!

1.  I will loose the baby weight IMMEDIATELY, how hard can it be??

  - How hard indeed. You gain 45lbs, birth a 7 pounder and all the fun stuff that comes along with him and loose 3 pounds...wait....WHAT?!?!?  Ok actually I lost ten pounds that day and with breastfeeding proceeded to loose 26 in two weeks.  I was ON FIRE....look at me 26 lbs in 2 weeks?!  Lets just say 18 months later when I got preggo with Lia I was still waiting to loose the remaining 20lbs lol. 

2.  I will dress cool

  -  Cool = not functional.  I want white jeans........I'm not wearing white jeans. 

3.  I will never go out in yoga pants.

  -  I own 10 pairs of Yoga pants.....

4.  I will not spend all day in my pajamas

  - Sometimes I wonder what the bus driver thinks when 7 hours after I put my son on the bus....I'm still wearing the same outfit.....and then the next morning I'm STILL wearing it....which brings me to

5.  I will not fall asleep with my clothes on

  -  That's something drunk college kids do.....I will mature and put on pajamas.  This year my new years resolution was not to loose weight or be healthy, it was to NOT fall asleep in my regular clothes.  Like all resolutions....it lasted a month.

6.  I will not be a short order cook

   -  Who wants waffles for dinner?!?  Oh you want cereal and you want chicken....here you go enjoy!

7.  I will stay manicured and groomed

  - Showering daily happens if I'm lucky.....my hair is always up because my lion mane gets tangled in babies.  Make-up goes unworn because I'm so naturally beautiful.....or in actuality because I m lucky I remember to put my glasses on, forget about Make-up.  I am now that insane looking mom I swore I would never be.

8.  I will not be a helicopter parent

  -  sounds good. sure I wont be on the playground equipment with them but I'm also not 30 feet away on a bench.  let them fall they say, its good for them to get hurt they say......well as a kid
I  knew someone who fell from playground equipment and was in a half body cast for 2 months.  So, I'm hovering near by....Sorry

9.   I will NEVER get a minivan

  

  -  Well there is Big Red.......the kids love the van....so I love the van too.  That being said...when the kids get bigger I'm getting an Explorer again, end of story.

10.  I will be involved in ALL school activities.

  -  I have never made it to ONE parents association meeting.  Never, I have tried but I always forget, or someone throwing up.  I'm angry at myself, I want to be the overly involved mom....I'm not, or at least not yet.

11.  I will still keep my circle of children less friends

  -  I still love my friends without kids more then anything, but eventually I'm too tired and emotionally old to go out till 4 am or 2 am or crap 12am.  When I get out those rare times /i feel weird because..........well to #12

12.  I will not ONLY talk about my kids

  -  I feel weird because all I know to talk about is kids and their kid things.....throw in some  Autism and I'm a social mess around people with no kids.  I walk away from those nights kicking myself for not being able to hold a simple conversation that doesn't involve kids.

13.  I will never drink box wine....

  -and with that I say cheers.  Me and my cheap wine are off to celebrate the last 3.5 hours of Mothers Day :)

Things I swore My Child Would Never Do........

Thing #208 I swore the Kids would never do:  Get Toys without earning them for good behavior....

.LOL

The other night while sharing a lovely appetizer at a local restaurant I look at my children lovingly as they were being oh so pleasant.  I then proceeded to look at my husband and say "Remember when we were younger and we made fun of those parents that brought portable DVD Players to the restaurant?  I take it all back".  I said this because across the table from us were two children, one using a coloring app on Ipad and another playing Star Wars Angry Birds on a Kindle.

My husband and I have been blessed to be the first children in our families to have children, the only cousins in our age range who have children and the only couple in our original friends groups with children.  With that being said we have heard our fair share of "I would never let my kid do....." or "When I have kids I will never......"  I laugh on the inside every time....

So here we go.... The official List of Things I SWORE my kids would never do: 

1.  My kid is never going to be a video Zombie when we go out to eat, they should just eat and behave.  Kids don't need technology, they need discipline.
  
     - BAHAHAHAHA.  If it were not for technology we could never go out to eat.  So use the Ipad kid, don't forget to take a bite of your chicken.

2.  My children will clean their plates of the food I give them, even if it takes hours.

       -  "Ok take two more bites.....ok one more bite.  Just, just , just don't ask me for food later when you are hungry"  I don't have hours to sit and wait for the child to eat.  Honestly I will just pop an extra vitamin in him tomorrow.

3.  My Children will NEVER be Rude.

     - "Hey Lady!  I NEED SOME MORE APPLE JUICE" ----said the child, loudly, while standing on a chair, when he finally decided to look up from his Ipad

4.  My kids will never watch TV, especially not before the age of 2.

        -  This morning, tears of Joy streamed down my cheeks when I heard that SPROUT was now available Cablevision....... that's as far as I have to go.  You can figure out my stance on TV now.

5.  My daughter will Never look like a Slob, shes a girl, she needs to look like one.

       - I have come to realize that her lopsided pony tale and chocolate covered face can bring equal, if not greater joy to my heart then when shes all prim and proper....why?....because she was probably doing something super fun to get into such disarray.

6.  My children will not be in diapers past 2

    -  Well, Frankie's issues are different, and the fact that he is still in diapers at 4.5 is not uncommon, but still it's there.  That being said, my typical 2.5 year old is still rocking diapers too.  I swore I would have this under control, that the diapers would be a thing of the past but.....yea the best laid plans...

7.  My kids will not eat in the car

      -  If you were to go into my mini van I'm sure you could find remnants of pirates booty in most of the crevices.  Last week on our drive to Pennsylvania the kids got hungry so in a moment of insanity I threw an entire bag of pirates booty into the back seat and said have a good time......messy!

8.  My kids will never run around peoples houses/ parties in a wild manner

     -  I've counted the laps they can do around a grand piano....and cheered them on

9.  My kids will never be the trouble maker

      - 5/2/13 "Your son bit another child AGAIN today".....Friggen brilliant, my kids the biter

10.  My kids will not sleep in my bed

      -  Out of 3 kids I have only ONE that prefers to sleep alone....and when I say alone I mean alone on the couch, NOT her b
ed.  It took 3 years go get my son in his bed all night every night and with a still nursing 9 month old in the bed, it looks like he will follow the same path.  I have THREE kids....mama needs her damn sleep...even if its with a foot in my face.



Feel Free to add some of your own in the  comments, I tend to forget things......

LOOK for a Part 2 Coming SOON!

How to not Laugh at Annoying Behavior

So....did you think this was suppose to be some sort of tutorial on how to keep your composure as your child does something wildly hysterical yet socially inappropriate?  Well its not, if anything I ask you if any of you have any tips...other then burring your face in a pillow and hoping he doesn't see.

My kids Love Ni Hao Kai-lan.  Its on for one hour a day from 11-12, which i constantly forget about so I now have to DVR it.  The other night i let them watch one show before bed and both choose Kai Lan....well until Frankie screams "no no, I wasnt Team Umizoomi instead"  The fighting between the 2 small children begins, screaming, crying etc.  To give myself some peace I tell him is has to be Kai-Lan (Lia will cry for hours, where as Frankie will be annoyed for a minute and get over it). 

Kai-Lan  theme song comes one and they are all danicing etc and my son starts doing the FUNNIEST thing I have seen to date.  So if you know the characters to Team Umizoomi you will understand

::Kai La Opening playing::

Frankie: wow Lia look its MILLI!  Holy Cow I see Bot!  I love This Team Umizoomie Episode!  Its GIO.  Team umizoomie is the best show EVER"

He went on and on pretending the show opening was really Team Umizoomi.....and my daughter SOBBED, and sobbed and cried and screamed "stop talking, its kai lan, its kai lan no no its not team umizoomie"

I burred my head in a pillow trying not to laugh.  How can one almost 5 year old big brother ALREADY know how to push his sisters buttons so well? He has trouble understanding emotions but he sure knows how to piss her off. 

My future looks crazy... LOL

Typical Shmipical

I was getting depressed for a minute.  This is a bad time of year for me, its IEP time....and this year I should have been signing my son up for Kindergarten.  So with my mind in that yucky place, the place where i go through a million pages of paper work that point out all of my sons deficiencies with a few "he's such a sweet happy boy"s thrown in.  I read another blog post about our kids having issues playing sports and how mothers of typical kids shouldn't complain because our kids can't play team sports.  Then I came upon this......

Then I almost started crying.  I already had my gears working in my head about how when Frankie is an adult I can buy this house from my mom and stepfather and then Frankie can live in the apartment that is our apartment now since he is DOOMED to never get married or be a capable adult. 

Then I snapped out of it.  I suppose this photo was made for shock value.  It was made to freak people into awareness.  I'm not a big fan of freaking people out, because I DON'T like being freaked out.

 My son CAN play team sports, he plays sports with his fellow ASD friends.  Is it as fluid and organized as typical soccer....NO....but hes gaining social skills and there is no one to giggle at him when he runs to the wrong goal.  My neighbors son who is on the spectrum is 9.....and guess what, he plays football with typical kids.  Here is a secret, I am "typical" and I am terrible at sports.  My sport was swimming.....I was on swim team , which is an isolating sport.  My event was the 500, 20 laps, 7+minutes to be alone with my thoughts.  My son could have been born typical and STILL been crappy at teams sports, just like his mama.  :)

As for the photo....Most people will not achieve their dream or traveling the world because of finances and Life not Autism.   Many typical children won't live independently because its easier to live with mom and dad not because of Autism.  Many will not serve their country because they don't believe in war not Autism.  Many will not be leaders because honestly, being a follower is easier not because of Autism.  Some men will not fall in love, get married or raise kids because they like the bachelor lifestyle (that our culture glorifies) not because of Autism. 

I could have birthed a child who was completely typical and he too could have never done any of the above.  There is no point for me to be sitting here worrying about what he wont do.  I will never be helping my son on focusing on what he may not do. 

Typical Frankie could have been great at sports, done to a D1 school for football and injured himself his first year.  He could have then decided to pursue a career in rap while living in my basement.  As his career didn't flourish and he worked at the bank near by he would have met several girls at the club and decided living the playa lifestyle was the way to go.  He would go on to make decent money at the bank but never chose management because there is too much stress and just sitting back collecting money is easier.  He would toy with the idea of buying a house and then realizes with taxes being about 10k a year and houses averaging 400k in our area he may as well stay in the one bedroom  apartment in my basement.  At 50 he will find a woman to be his old age companion but still refuses to get married.  They stay in our house because at that point we will be in our 70's and we need some help.........

Frankie with Autism got thousands of hours of therapy in his first years of life.  He had to struggle a little harder to socialize and be on par with the rest of his peers.  In HS he had a few friends and excelled in academics.  He went to college and chose a career path where he could work and excel and his job was not socially centered, more technical.  He became a leader in his field because of his intelligence, not so much social skills.  He marries a childhood friend who also has ASD, they understand each other and have similar issues.  They have children who they monitor closely (maybe choose not to vaccinate or feed Gluten too lol) and they make enough money to put me and my husband in a fancy assisted living situation and never have to move back in ;)

Neither one of these might happen, but the truth is my sons Autism won't define his life.  I can't sit here and worry about the future, I need to be here for my son today.  I don't think scaring people about Autism is the way to get our voices heard.  It was because of those shock tactics that when i realized my son had Autism I sobbed and made the assumption he would never speak (we see that didn't happen).  I'm done comparing myself to other moms and I'm done comparing my son to other kids, he is Frankie, plain and simple, he will find his way in life and I will love whatever path he takes.