Today Left Me With Heart Burn....*sigh*

Its 1am,  I have Heartburn and worry.  I read an article, it made me sad.  Today was rough.   I think i just wrote 3 fragment sentences........haha!  LP stayed at Grandmas last night and we met him at Church.  I brought him to Sunday school like I have for the last month, I sit with him and help him transition from activities.  Some days he whines others he gets angry, today he punched me and kicked me.  It hurts to write that.  

I never have to make him leave the room, but today was horrible.  Today was one of those times I felt I wanted to hide in a corner because people saw my son hit me in the face.  I can say he was all off schedule and had not taken his morning vitamin/supplement mix.....I hope that is what it was.  He has been doing so well, so to see him go back so far hurts, physically it hurts.  I just wanted to leave Church, I really did.  Sometimes I wonder if letting him stay over night at his grandparents is the cause.  They are awesome grandparents, that do the special things grandparents are suppose to do, they take him places and spoil him all day and its great!  My problem is that the minute I re-introduce the structure he looses his mind.  I feel like I would be taking their fun away to make them be so hard on him like I am.  Grandparents should be grandparents and be fun, not be stinky and stern like me.  

I'm sure the rest of the week will be fine, I get discouraged.  Especially reading an article like the link above.  You can work so hard in vain to "cure" your kid and it doesn't always work.  It was a downer, I read it and wanted to think she must not have worked that hard. Truth is, she probably worked SUPER hard, but I guess its true, sometimes you just have to accept your child will not grow up.  I try not to think like that about my son at this point.  I can only assume if my husband grew up to be a functioning adult my son can too.......then again my son has been exposed to other enviromental factors my husband didn't.  

Monday therapists are back, by Wednesday he will be back to himself. 

Remember You

Remember to take care of yourself.......I am writing this, as I am trying to do this for myself.   I'm really trying to practice what I preach.....easier said then done.  I've heard this told to me before and I remember rolling my eyes internally and thinking, um ok, you have no idea.

I think what people should explain is that this "you time" doesn't need to be some huge grand adventure.  I kept thinking of some big thing I would go do for myself, and I would constantly shut it out, because in reality going to Vegas far far away from my children was never going to happen.

So I did something really little.....I bought a cheap pair of Big Sunglasses!  In a Previous Post, I had mentioned I use to have a pretty awesome collection of Big sunglasses.  It was part of who I was, part of my identity, I have a big head, so big sunglasses are great.  So for $5 I purchased a ridiculously odd pair of floral print sunglasses.  It felt goooooood.  Oh yea, it was the littlest thing, nothing huge and it felt so good.  I wanted to wear them, but it was 8pm so I would look kind of dumb.  So I propped them on top of my head and went on my merry way, smile ear to ear, for $5 I got a piece of myself back.