Evolution

February will mark out 2 year Autiversary..... Oh the way how life has changed and Children have grown (and been born)

I stopped blogging in January of last year because I was really tired of complaining or reading other blogs that were on a constant reel of complaining.  Complaining and being negative is bad for your energy.... everyones energy and being newly pregnant, I knew it was not good for me.

Yes, when your child is first diagnosed it is stressful.  You can sit there and blame genetics, vaccines, the enviroment.  In the end I can't change it, I can't take it back  and crying and wallowing won't fix it.

So, this is evolution.  Yes I am mainly an Autism blog, but Autism is not my LIFE.  Autism is good chunk of it, my sons issues consume a lot of my time, but, just like it doesn't define him, it doesn't define me.  I'll be posting about OTHER things, other children, being a mommy, being a Christian, my job, products that rock, my husband, how terrible people drive, set backs,  progress and stupid pictures of myself with things like Pineapples and hanging out upside down..... just because I'm Neurotypical doesn't mean I'm not weird.

My Second Boy

I was concerned about having a third child.  My concern was that the third child would be male, that he would have a higher risk of developing a Spectrum Disorder.

Only Time will tell, but let me tell you....he is 3 months old and he talks up a baby storm.  He is also enormous and I'm lucky that the kids love him.

Our True Identity

With that title, I feel like we are a family of Super Heros......in a way, maybe we are. I kept names secret because I was keeping this blog a secret for a time. I wasn't sure how family would respond, or if I ever wanted to share it with them. It wasn't that I don't want to share my story with them, it's more that I am a Control Freak. That sounds odd coming from the most unorganized, whatever attitude person, but I do not like to let people know we are struggling. I am controlling and a perfectionist, I didnt not finish college because I was stupid, I didn't finish because I knew I couldn't be perfect.....if i had a c, I withdrew. I don't ask form help, I hate it more then anything, it's just how I am.

So since everyone now knows, I let my guard down, I suppose I can let you know who I am. I am Danielle.....I am 27, I went to college for nursing and dropped out. I rather craft all day then ever go back to school. I make bridal and baby shower gifts and other things through my small business "Lia Couture". My husbands name is Frank, he works for Hurricane Grill and Wings as of 2 weeks ago. We have two fantastic children, Frankie who is my LP and Lia Cecilia who is the most opinionated 11 month old I have ever met. We live in Massapequa Park and hope to some day buy a home here......someday. We are Christians, and regardless of what you believe, I pray for each one of myreaders every night.

It was nice to meet you! Now that I have us out, I may just have to call LP Frankie.......my dear sweet little Frankie. Thank you all for your continued support, much love!

<3 Danielle, the NT mom

My other child......My Baby DIva

This is my daughter, I call her Baby Diva.......her real name is Lia.  I will still call her Baby Diva because she is just that.  That is unless her brother is not around. She was born before diagnosis, I believed my son would outgrow his behaviors and weird eye things before she was born......he didn't. 

I feel like I lost the last 10 months with her.  I birthed her, I bonded to the best of my ability.  When she was 4 months old people started coming in and out of our home 17 hours a week.  They came to play with her brother and not her, they interrupted our quiet nursing moments and alone time I had hoped for.  Truthfully, I knew it would be different her being the second, but I wasn't ready for how different.  I just dealt with it and tried to ignore that she was growing up so fast and I was paying more attention to her brother then her.  As she grew she became louder and more opinionated I will say.  I could never understand why she screamed.....she just SCREAMS and complains and throws tantrums.  If this is what its like at 10 months I will never live through the terrible twos and I will run away before she is a teenager. 

A few weeks back though,  I saw another side of this chubby little girl.  My son went to grandmas over night and suddenly I was holding the sweetest baby in my arms.  She played little hand games and climbed on me, she didn't cry, she didn't scream she just laughed.  This is not to say she does not laugh when her brother is around, it's just different.  It was me and her, connecting and laughing.  I mentioned it to my husband and he didn't believe me.  He thinks shes crazy (I'm serious she ALWAYS screams) .  Tonight LP is at grandmas again and my husband says to me " you know, she IS a lot calmer with out him around"  She let her daddy hold her (never happens) and she made cooing noises and babbled.  No screaming.  She went to bed and now I have been sitting here for hours with nothing to do.  IS this what its like to have just a typical child?

Its dawned on me that she really loves her brother and the screaming is for attention.  Its also because when she follows him I usually take her away because I'm not 100% sure he can play nicely with her.  She wants to be with him, she wants to be LIKE him.  They feed off of each other, he screams she screams and visa verse!  He loves her, he hugs her (roughly) he kisses her (hard) but he does not want to play with her.  He takes toys from her and knocks her over, its a constant battle between the two.....and then more screaming.  He doesn't understand its wrong, he says he is sorry, but I don't know what he understands about apologies.

I feel bad for her.  I feel bad because I have not bonded with her the way I did with her brother.  I let her cry in a crib and that's where she sleeps......my son slept with us till he was 2ish.  She frustrates me, she always screams and that makes me so upset.  There is nothing medically wrong, but it dawned on me that she needs/wants the attention.  Imagine people came to your house 3+ hours a day and played with your sibling and not you?  Your mother blocked off your pathway to your brother as to keep you safe (but you dint understand that).  Imagine every 30 minutes your mom put your brother on the toilet and gave him candy and left you alone with some stupid blocks in the living room.

Today I got it.  I understood.  I looked her in the little baby eyes and said I would try harder.  I know this will be her life, her brother will always be different and it will be something she will learn to work with.  I need to make sure she knows I love her so much even when I don't show it.  I am both sad and excited for LP to start school.  In his 3 years on this earth I have attachment parented him and bonded with him and have formed a relationship that can not be broken (he loves his mama <3 ).  I hope that this fall I can start that with her, maybe a little later than with him, but just so she knows she is special too.  My special, Beautiful, Baby Diva!

 Resources and Articles re: Sibling of Autistic Children:

Autistic Kids: The Sibling Problem

The Others: Siblings and Autism

 Balancing Their Needs

Autism and Siblings

Today Left Me With Heart Burn....*sigh*

Its 1am,  I have Heartburn and worry.  I read an article, it made me sad.  Today was rough.   I think i just wrote 3 fragment sentences........haha!  LP stayed at Grandmas last night and we met him at Church.  I brought him to Sunday school like I have for the last month, I sit with him and help him transition from activities.  Some days he whines others he gets angry, today he punched me and kicked me.  It hurts to write that.  

I never have to make him leave the room, but today was horrible.  Today was one of those times I felt I wanted to hide in a corner because people saw my son hit me in the face.  I can say he was all off schedule and had not taken his morning vitamin/supplement mix.....I hope that is what it was.  He has been doing so well, so to see him go back so far hurts, physically it hurts.  I just wanted to leave Church, I really did.  Sometimes I wonder if letting him stay over night at his grandparents is the cause.  They are awesome grandparents, that do the special things grandparents are suppose to do, they take him places and spoil him all day and its great!  My problem is that the minute I re-introduce the structure he looses his mind.  I feel like I would be taking their fun away to make them be so hard on him like I am.  Grandparents should be grandparents and be fun, not be stinky and stern like me.  

I'm sure the rest of the week will be fine, I get discouraged.  Especially reading an article like the link above.  You can work so hard in vain to "cure" your kid and it doesn't always work.  It was a downer, I read it and wanted to think she must not have worked that hard. Truth is, she probably worked SUPER hard, but I guess its true, sometimes you just have to accept your child will not grow up.  I try not to think like that about my son at this point.  I can only assume if my husband grew up to be a functioning adult my son can too.......then again my son has been exposed to other enviromental factors my husband didn't.  

Monday therapists are back, by Wednesday he will be back to himself. 

Families are Forever

Check the top right.....see the blinky?  Families are Forever.   I have a good Family, all of them from Florida to Montauk, a bunch of good people......Granted my favorites are here in this apartment with me.

For you in my life, you might not feel like you do much, but even just asking how LP is doing is supporting us, listening to our battles and victories that is support, saying Hi on facebook is support, understanding when I'm being a bitch for no reason is support, helping us financially is support, babysitting is support, letting me scream for no reason (goes with bitchy mood) is support, playing with my kids is support, inviting my husband over for wine and cigars is support, saying Im a good mom is support, inviting me over even if you know I will say no is support, telling me I'm still young and beautiful is support........all these little things and more mean a lot to me.

Thank you to our enormous family.....The S's, The Ks, the other S's and the H's......you guys are the best <3

To my husband

. My husband use to tell me I was crazy when I brought up the idea of Autism. Truthfully, I thought I was crazy too. When you are new at this, you don't really understand what they mean by a spectrum, you think you know, but you don't. You have preconceived ideas that autistic kids have no future and that this is the worst thing that could have ever happened to you.

When LP was diagnosed I wasn't particullary surprised and I was super positive, but my husbands face said it all. I understood, this is your son, the boy who was named after you, the boy who you told yourself would grow up to be the best athlete, on honor roll, perfect in ever way and some psychologist just told you that might not happen. Add on top that your son displays all the same behaviors you did at the same age.....the difference is that your son does not talk. What can the guilt feel like if you believe it was you who hereditarily passes this on, but with worse symptoms?


Today it was brought to my attention that several people thought that I was such a great mom for having to have this happen to me. That I must work so hard and be so stressed. That I put my kids first and spend money on toys, and therapies. That I must be so strong, like superwomen.....then I got the question, "does your husband ever let you get a break"

Dear friends.....I am not that strong. I know people believe that everything written on Facebook must be true....it's not. I post here and on my Facebook how wonderful everything is, how everything Is rainbows and unicorns and that my son will be one of those genius autistic children and be the next Bill Gates and I am the best mom and best wife and I can do it all. It's all crap.

The sane one is my husband. The quiet, grumpy looking husband who never doubts my son. The husband that pushes my son to do things when I baby him. The husband who works 54 hours in 4 days. the husband who brings me home ice cream after Working all day just because. The husband who let me spend money we didn't have at home goods to make me feel better (but then when I found out we couldn't afford it I got sad again haha). The husband who took care of the cleaning around the house on top of working the week before CPSE because I was in such a deep dark depression that no one knew about.

Remember behind every strong autism mom, is a strong autism dad.....just because he isn't front and center, doesn't mean he's not that mamas rock. I love you hubby.

My son Typically loves his sister.......and typically knocks her over too

These are my children....Little Professor and Baby Diva. I had Baby Diva before LP's diagnosis. When I got pregnant with Baby Diva I just figured LP would grow out of these horrible behaviors and constant anxiety. I was convinced his speech would start soon considering here he was at 18 months and he knew the entire alphabet (who knew knowing the alphabet so young was a red flag?!?!) The actual day I found out I was pregnant my son tripped on his own feet and broke his tooth in half at a wedding...he screamed for the remainder of the night till he fell asleep in my arms. That day still pains me, that day was one of those days I would think "something is not right with my child".

A positive pregnancy test and all I thought was, how will my son handle this. My husbands response was "relax, you have 9 months to figure it out". For the next 9 months I freaked out...literally. Still making excuses for my sons behaviors as he became clingyer then ever and still no words. On the morning of September 29th when I started having cramps as I lay cuddled in bed with my little son, I remember thinking I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for the sibling rivalry, the crying nights up, the jealousy, the idea of having to carry 2 kids (not sure why i was thinking that)

Exactly 12 hours from the first feelings of cramps my Daughter was born 7lbs 6 oz and loud as hell, she made quite a grumpy entrance(LP was born crying a little, but very observant, taking in everything, I remember thinking he looked like that baby alien from Men in Black). My husband brought LP the next morning....I was so nervous, how would he act, what would he do?? Well he tried to climb into her bassinet that's what haha


We came home and not one thing I worried about happened. He loved her, he would drag people to her and push their hands and make them touch her. I Nursed her and he didn't care, i carried her and he walked, i rocked her and he would climb up and make sure not to hurt her.

Magically it was perfect......but I can say that with therapy he has talking and expressing himself....especially in a big brother bossy way. Now that Baby Diva is mobile I hear a lot more crying in my home....along with words like, no, mine, go to sleep, go way, ew yucky baby. When I look over my son is usually taking something from his sister or pushing her to go play away from him. I suppose on a positive note, when I brought this behavior up to his therapists i was told this is what a typical 3 year old big brother would do.....Wowee, my son is exhibiting typical behaviors!!! :)

In the end, I've said it many times, LP needed Baby Diva. Her birth brought a gentleness to him that i had not seen prior. Much of his early spontaneous language was directed at her and for once, he has a real friend. I pray they stay this close forever.

I'm Supermom, an Autism diagnosis will never get me down......yea right

I wonder if its possible to be in denial for 4 months? Ok, maybe its not denial that i exactly suffer from, but instead extreme optimism. After LP's diagnosis, I thought to myself, "ok this is ok, we can do this" I smiled at the psychologist and said "That's what I thought it was, great at least now I know". I then began an aggressive Early Intervention program and read everything I could about Autism.

I never cried. I had the optimism that since it seemed to be a High Functioning form that my son would be perfectly fine. He would grow up to be the Aspie type, have a job, live alone, get married, have kids. I never have doubted any of those things in my mind until last week.

I told myself I would never get down, I would always be positive......that is until transition tantrum 500,000. LP has been through another round of evaluations, which once again placed him below what I expected. No matter how much he can read and memorize, the fact that he cant have an actual conversation with you that's not scripted puts him at a lower percentile compared to other kids.

In four months I never broke down.....the last 2 weeks I think I have broken down at least 4 times. I'm going to get all cliche now and say things like....I never pictured this as our life, I'm mourning the perfect child I wanted, parenting shouldn't be this difficult, I just want to go to a mom and me group with out my son running and jumping uncontrollably, I want strangers to stop staring, I don't want to be anxious about LP, I don't want to fight with my spouse about how to handle things with LP, I want to leave my son in Sunday school without disrupting the whole class, I want my son to understand that things are dangerous, I want regular discipline to work, i want to shower without worrying that LP has jumped off a chair or dresser......I could go on forever.

Don't get me wrong, in 4 months my son has gone from non verbal to reading. He has learned to sit and stand, give strangers hugs, give kisses, say Hi and Bye, ask for food or a drink, hold hands while we walk, love his sister to death, take a bath without crying, learn to love the pool.....and best of all, tell me he loves me.

Its a long road we are on.....i hit some bumps this week.....I'll be more optimistic tomorrow, i promise!

Allow me to re-introduce myself my name is.......Mom

My name is Mom......Neurotypical Mom. The Mother of a soon to be 3 year old son on the spectrum and a (so far) NT 9 month old daughter. The Wife to a wonderfully different husband, who after much research, we believe is also on the spectrum.

Life has not been easy, but I dont think its suppose to be. Everyday is something new, good and bad. Even with the struggles, I would never change a thing......this is our life, this is our story.

I love you all.....

<3 NT MOM