Thursday, June 30, 2011

To my husband

. My husband use to tell me I was crazy when I brought up the idea of Autism. Truthfully, I thought I was crazy too. When you are new at this, you don't really understand what they mean by a spectrum, you think you know, but you don't. You have preconceived ideas that autistic kids have no future and that this is the worst thing that could have ever happened to you.

When LP was diagnosed I wasn't particullary surprised and I was super positive, but my husbands face said it all. I understood, this is your son, the boy who was named after you, the boy who you told yourself would grow up to be the best athlete, on honor roll, perfect in ever way and some psychologist just told you that might not happen. Add on top that your son displays all the same behaviors you did at the same age.....the difference is that your son does not talk. What can the guilt feel like if you believe it was you who hereditarily passes this on, but with worse symptoms?

Today it was brought to my attention that several people thought that I was such a great mom for having to have this happen to me. That I must work so hard and be so stressed. That I put my kids first and spend money on toys, and therapies. That I must be so strong, like superwomen.....then I got the question, "does your husband ever let you get a break"

Dear friends.....I am not that strong. I know people believe that everything written on Facebook must be's not. I post here and on my Facebook how wonderful everything is, how everything Is rainbows and unicorns and that my son will be one of those genius autistic children and be the next Bill Gates and I am the best mom and best wife and I can do it all. It's all crap.

The sane one is my husband. The quiet, grumpy looking husband who never doubts my son. The husband that pushes my son to do things when I baby him. The husband who works 54 hours in 4 days. the husband who brings me home ice cream after Working all day just because. The husband who let me spend money we didn't have at home goods to make me feel better (but then when I found out we couldn't afford it I got sad again haha). The husband who took care of the cleaning around the house on top of working the week before CPSE because I was in such a deep dark depression that no one knew about.

Remember behind every strong autism mom, is a strong autism dad.....just because he isn't front and center, doesn't mean he's not that mamas rock. I love you hubby.


  1. Love this! I, too, am very blessed to have an amazing husband that is my rock. He keeps me put together when I think I might fall apart (which can be often). I wrote a sort of ode to my husband in honor of Father's Day on my blog. I love you chose to also honor your husband with your words. That is a powerful thing.

    -Angela (aka Caffeinated Autism Mom)

  2. Aw thank you. I felt sad today that maybe people think because my husband is not as verbal about things or open about his role that he does nothing. I said in my welcome to the blog that my husband is most likely also on the spectrum and it's difficult for him to verbalize a lot of his feelings and sometimes when I need things done I have to actually lay it out fir him, he's not that great at picking up hints haha. But he understands my son and he comes throughnin little ways that make huge impacts. Off to read you post now!