Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I'm Supermom, an Autism diagnosis will never get me down......yea right

I wonder if its possible to be in denial for 4 months? Ok, maybe its not denial that i exactly suffer from, but instead extreme optimism. After LP's diagnosis, I thought to myself, "ok this is ok, we can do this" I smiled at the psychologist and said "That's what I thought it was, great at least now I know". I then began an aggressive Early Intervention program and read everything I could about Autism.

I never cried. I had the optimism that since it seemed to be a High Functioning form that my son would be perfectly fine. He would grow up to be the Aspie type, have a job, live alone, get married, have kids. I never have doubted any of those things in my mind until last week.

I told myself I would never get down, I would always be positive......that is until transition tantrum 500,000. LP has been through another round of evaluations, which once again placed him below what I expected. No matter how much he can read and memorize, the fact that he cant have an actual conversation with you that's not scripted puts him at a lower percentile compared to other kids.

In four months I never broke down.....the last 2 weeks I think I have broken down at least 4 times. I'm going to get all cliche now and say things like....I never pictured this as our life, I'm mourning the perfect child I wanted, parenting shouldn't be this difficult, I just want to go to a mom and me group with out my son running and jumping uncontrollably, I want strangers to stop staring, I don't want to be anxious about LP, I don't want to fight with my spouse about how to handle things with LP, I want to leave my son in Sunday school without disrupting the whole class, I want my son to understand that things are dangerous, I want regular discipline to work, i want to shower without worrying that LP has jumped off a chair or dresser......I could go on forever.

Don't get me wrong, in 4 months my son has gone from non verbal to reading. He has learned to sit and stand, give strangers hugs, give kisses, say Hi and Bye, ask for food or a drink, hold hands while we walk, love his sister to death, take a bath without crying, learn to love the pool.....and best of all, tell me he loves me.

Its a long road we are on.....i hit some bumps this week.....I'll be more optimistic tomorrow, i promise!


  1. When our son was diagnosed the very first thing I asked (not even knowing what autism was) was what about his future? They told us to take each day by day. It is cliche to say, but it is really life changing. You appreciate the little things, every smile little thing. Things that everyone else wouldn't even bat an eye over, we appreciate.

  2. its true, i try to take day by day usually. But the other day I was in a mood and so was the boy. He has so much anxiety, which they are thinking is more medical than anything, which then causes these meltdowns upon transitioning or making any requests that make him uncomfortable. Sunday, the fact that even though i stayed with him in sunday school and he still couldnt avoid an anxiety attack got me so sad :( Im better now though, Lots of prayers helped me through.

  3. Sounds like we might be 2 peas in a pod! I too when through diagnosis like a freight train. "Moving along, no stopping, let's get to work!" As you are already seeing, things do get better over time. Give yourself some credit for how far you and your kiddo have come in such a short time. Bumps (or brick walls) are part of the process and the journey of life with autism. Let me tell ya, we all have our days. I had one yesterday. Moving along... Tomorrow (today) is better, and I have learned to simply take it one day at a time.

    -Angela (aka Caffeinated Autism Mom)

  4. I had a week and a half that was bad as you saw in my husband post. Things are going well with early intervention, but with speech comes a lot more autistic characteristics. That week I had a tough time with family denying his diagnosis and with all the stress of getting him into preschool. Hubby was great though, I don't think I showered all week and he didn't say a word hahaha!