Tuesday, December 4, 2012

I don't know if I can handle autism......

What do you say to the person that Googles that phrase? 

I never personally Googled "I dont' know if I can handle Autism".  There were certainly times in the early days, and sometimes even now when it has crossed my mind.  The days you are locked in the house because the idea of chancing a meltdown in public is paralyzing.  The times when you can't get your child to eat anything but goldfish and bread.  When you can't handle the stares of strangers and their disgust as your child punches you in the legs. The night when you hear that little voice say, "What if all this therapy doesn't work, what if he never talks, What in God's name am I doing?!?!"

What do I say to the person who Googles that phrase?

Take a deep breath...I promise it gets better.  Its cliche, I know, but the truth is you will not feel like this everyday, not forever.  My brand of denial was being overly aggressive with my sons therapy.  They said Autism and I said he will grow out of it.  What a mentality....I jumped into therapy.  It took months for it to come out, for me to look at this jumping, grunting child and saying to myself, "How am I going to do this?"

What are YOU looking for when you Google that phrase?

I can't read your mind, but I can try and guess.  Your looking for encouragement, for a light at the end of the tunnel, for some answer. To know that the pain you feel in your heart will subside one day.  

What I hope that YOU find when you Google that phrase?

There are unfortunately many of us feeling just as you do.  We are here as a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on.  I know your pain, we know your pain.  At this point in time there are more questions then answers.  You can seek and believe what you want caused Autism.  Do not beat yourself up for your child's Autism diagnosis.  Regardless of what you think caused it, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  You can handle Autism, sometimes not alone and when those times you need help remember there are other of us out here walking the same path.  The pain will never fully go away, it will subside.  Love your child and love yourself and know there is a light at the end of this journey. 

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