Saturday, December 8, 2012

Sometimes its Me

Since I have had children, I suffer from slight Agoraphobia.....some days Crazy Big Agoraphobia.  When I was childless I drove everywhere, did everything, saw everyone...I.Was.Awesome. 

I can only blame Autism a little in all of this, in reality its me.  It started with being fearful of my sons behaviors in public.  While he learned to control most of his behaviors, for some reason my fear and anxiety continued to grow anyway, I feel safest in my cramped apartment. 

I feel like I a doing my children a disservice.  My friends bring their kids to the park and on play dates and I am riddled with anxiety about just leaving the house.  Do I have PTSD or is this typical of mothers of three young children?  I feel like a crap mom. 

Its Saturday, I have no plans.  Kids are playing blocks and I am meandering the Internet.....and I feel like crap because the idea of putting them int he car and going anywhere is too stressful for me.  I need to grow out of this.  Till then, its blocks and Arts and crafts :)

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