Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Dear God, don't let me forget about my daughter

I wonder how siblings to Autistic children feel. I pray everyday that I don't put my daughter second, that I don't forget her in the chaos. She has grown so fast, and I can't help but feel like her first year is overshadowed by an Autism diagnosis. Just shy of her turning 4 months old our world was changed and I began a crusade to help my son, with an infant strapped to my chest on a Moby wrap.

Sometimes I feel like I put him first, my worry, my time, my fears, all about him. Recently she has begun screaming, attention screaming. The kind of screaming that makes you cringe, all because she wants you took look at her. She is refusing whole milk and now foods she use to eat. I just keep thinking whatever she will grow out of is and get more worried about Frankies non eating and behavioral issues. My big fear is that even though she is talking, maybe she too is having sensory issues and I will miss it because I'm so wrapped up in the boy.

I love them both, just the same. I know I am a good mommy to them both, but it's a fear. A fear I'm sure many of us have even with only typical kids. I wish we got grades on parenting so I could see my performance in grade form. I pray I am a good mommy to my babies, that I never put one before the other and that they both understand the love I have for them in eternal and never ending.....even when mommy is having a grumpy day <3

1 comment:

  1. I understand completely where you are coming from. I think about this topic at least a dozen or more times a day. When taking my 3 year old to the potty (because he will not tell me when he needs to go or will not go by himself) I put my youngest one on the carpet and leave him there alone with toys. I worry day in and day out that he will not feel he is loved like his brother. I often wondered why my mother always put my brother before me as a child, even though he was never diagnosed with Autism I know he has it and I know now why she had to.