The Evolution of the Neurotypical Mom

I have been really into Robin Thicke so, this photo and title felt appropriate.

I have been slow to blog recently.  Its not so much that I don't like blogging, as I don't have much Autism based topics to blog about.  I posed the question on Facebook about a month ago in regards to me expanding my topics and how people would feel about it.  Thankfully I got tons of positive responses!

At this point in my life, while Autism does take up a good amount of my time, I have two other children one SUPER typical and one a little soupy.  In 3 years my son has gone from a non verbal classic autism stimmy toddler to a literal, logical, brilliant, mouthy soon to be elementary school 5 year old with some big transition issues.

I started this blog as a place to find myself and to find others who were in the similar situation....it was my life line.  I was negative for a while as most parents are when they start on this road.  I made a promise to myself almost a year ago to not be a negative nelly on this blog....and because of that I made the decision that I needed to branch out Past Autism.

The Neurotypical MOM is me....its not Autism.  Autism consumed a big chunk of my life for a few years.....and now that we have fallen into the groove of this life, its time that I let me out.  The girl who makes jokes, drinks wine, loves shopping, love Robin Thicke.....she needs to make her grand-reappearance. 

So with that, the Blog will touch on everything.....Not just Autism. Here we go, Time to Evolve..... and now a video from my boy Robin #Thicke

It's Been 5 Years

"The value of having a child is not that adults produce children 

but that children produce adults."

I saw that quote on an old friends Facebook....I don't know if is a real quote, or if it's something they made up on their own.  It seemed fitting for today, the day I celebrate the 5th anniversary when someone handed me  a little baby boy and basically said...... he's yours, your responsibility, take care of him, try not to F*ck it up.......

I was 23, I was not married at the time and he was not planned.  My husband (now) and I were having a very good time just being us.  Making money, spending money, drinking, dancing just being awesome 20-somethings.  I was a child on the inside, Its obvious that my generation is staying in this child mode for a lot longer than any other generation in history, but I digress.....I was in the typical frame of mind, party party, me me have kids when I'm 30.  

I carried him the first 20 weeks like it was no big deal, not realizing the responsibility that would be thrust upon me.  I had plans to run back to work, to be the cool mom who still went out with a baby at home.  At my 20 week scan, I was put on bed rest because my cervix was short and was told about 2 soft markers for chromosomal abnormalities....shit got real.  The Irony is....... this is when I began obsessively thinking about Autism.  He was a boy, something was off, I had sonos every week.....I had worked with Autistic kids, I hoped this didn't happen to me too....what if this is going to happen to me too??

July 4th 2008 I swore I would die if i didn't go into labor.  17 hours later on July 5th 2008 my water broke in the hallway.......On July 6th 2008 at 3:02 am a nurse handed me a little baby boy who had almond eyes and was really kind of quiet, just looking at me....he reminded me of the baby Will Smith delivered in Men in Black LOL

I didn't run back to work.   I did the opposite of everything I though, I attachment parented the crap out of that kid.  I did go back to work for 8 months and then quit to be home with him again.  

He changed who I was, I say he saved my life.  Yes, he saved my life.  Truth be told I am not 100% happy with who I have become.  I did not finish college, I am only now starting down the path to having my own business.  I live in a small apartment, I am not particularly organized and I am not the best I could be when it comes to being a wife and mother, BUT I am Happy!   Before my son was born I filled a sort of void in my heart with work, haphazard spending and alcohol.  I had spend a good 5 years being in a constant state of mild depression, constantly trying to fill a spot in my soul with whatever I could find, whatever I thought would make me feel better.  I would feel better....for a short time and then it was Gone.  So 7 years ago God placed my husband in my path via Craig's List (job posting you weirdos, nothing dirty) and 5 years ago the void was filled by a 7lb 3oz little boy.  

Happy Birthday Frankie and Thank you for Saving your Mama <3

We Got Invited!

In my sons soon to be 5 years on earth, he has been invited to 5 birthday Parties.  Is it sad that I know every single one?  The first one we skipped because he was turning 2 the same weekend and we had plans.  Looking back I thought maybe that was my first parenting mistake.  Maybe if I had gone to that first party years ago I would have gotten on the Birthday train.

The second one he cried for close to an hour at, the sight of Elmo and the sound of Happy Birthday being sung sent him into a meltdown that went an hour.....I ended up in a bathroom....and everyone was looking at me.

The third we were late, transitioning was terrible, he cried in a corner.

The fourth again transitioning was terrible, he was aggressive, he was yelling and hitting and people were staring.

After all of those.....we never were invited the next year.  No one is to blame, I blame myself the most.  I personally never had kid parties for Frankie, we spent so much time in therapy and being in this Autism world, I never got him socialized with anyone.  Maybe if I was more social, less anxious about my sons behavior we could have more friends with kids, but my anxieties were too high so, socializing was last on our to do list.

Every time we have gotten a party invitation, I feel like a teenager going on their first date.  SOMEONE WANTS US TO COME?!?!  Every time I dress him nice and get everything lined up and pray for the best while my stomach is in knots.....and 4 out of 5 times we have crashed and burned.  I have sat in my car almost in tears..... its hard for me to think about.  I never want to change who he is, I understand he has different struggles, I just know he wants friends so bad, and its just so hard for him to have them.

So today.....was birthday invite number 5.  Two weeks ago I got an Avengers Themed invite in Frankie's back pack.  Please join us for ______'s Birthday.  WHAT?!?! WE got an invite to his party.....Frankie BIT THAT KID and made him bleed only 3 days before and he still wanted Frankie to come????

So today, Frankie picked out his "Rock Guitar" polo shirt, we got a gift and we made our way to party number 5.  Maybe my mind was more at ease knowing there would be other spectrum kids there, maybe my own relaxed feelings would rub off on him.

So in he ran with all his little friends to a room full of inflatable bounce things.....and a pit forms in my stomach.  You see, until I walked in I forgot that Frankie is afraid of bounce houses....or anything inflatable for that matter.  He does this odd whiny, cry, growling thing and starts wringing his hands.  I stood next to him as he watched the other kids......so up a slide he climbed and DOWN he came.  He ran over all nervous saying he didn't like it....well that lasted 3 minutes because he went and did it a million more times.

The next opportunity for him to freak out was when we had to go eat....but he went, calmly.  He didn't eat because there was no GF options and we ate before we got there (because I knew).  HE got bored and started trying to turn the lights off...then he did get a little upset we had to leave.  I let him play an arcade game which calmed him, he said by to his friends, grabbed a goodie bag and we called it a day.

That was it, it was simple, it was everything I ever hoped for.  I can only Thank his classmates mom for inviting us, even after my son took a chunk out of her sons arm.  Not just a Thank you for Frankie, but a Thank you from me, because this was the kind of pick me up I really truly needed.

Oh....and Thanks for the red Stamp lol

Full of it....

 For the last few years I have read many different blogs from all ends of the blog spectrum.  The cureers, the bio-med types, the anti vaxers, the genetics causers, etc. etc. and at the end of the day we all love our kids.

With that said, I love my son.  I love every inch of him, his crazy hair, olive skin, little cracked toe nail, beauty mark on his cheek.  I love his giggle and smile, his imagination and his affection.....but if I was to say I don't exactly Love his Autism, I feel like I will be shunned by the autism community. 

Many times I have read the whole "I would never change my child for anything" blogs and comments....all I think is you can't be serious, your so Full of It.

I've been having a crappy few days.  This week my son went to school four days....and three of those days he bit someone.  I don't love this aspect of Autism and I wish I could shout it from the roof tops with out feeling like a bad mother. 

Day in and day out us parents work our butts off to help our children and there are some of us who will see little progress and others who will be stuck at a plateau for years.  Why can't I say I'm frustrated?  Why am I not allowed to murmur that this is not how I expected parenting to be.  Why can't I say that it hurts me to see my child having a tough time. 

If you sit here and look me in the eye and say you never regretted a moment of this, that you never wish you could change one little second of your child's life with Autism....I say to you,  your full of it.
Here it is, here is my confession, I love my son but there are things I wish I could have changed:

I wish I never had to watch my son be in pain because he couldn't communicate.  I wish he didn't eat crayons because he didn't know how to ask me for food.  I wish I wasn't as hard on him, because I didn't know.   I wish he didn't have to waste his babyhood in a room going through hours of therapy.  I wish I didn't have to put my baby on a bus for full day school.  I wish my son got invited to birthday parties.  I wish my son understood biting hurt people.  I wish he understood telling me he wanted me to die hurt me......I could go on. 

Every Ounce of my being loves that little boy.  At the same time, I think its ok for us parents to admit its not all peaches and cream, sunshine and rainbows.  Its ok to say sometimes Autism sucks, it sucks because it hurts my baby, but I LOVE him no matter what <3

Never.....

Trigger Warning "lol"
* Language*

Yesterday I was "in it" as I say.  I was all up in the Autism.  All up in it with the thought that hit me....This Shit is NEVER going  away.

That's a green table.  A green table my mother picked up second hand for Frankie for his room.  It was meant for him to color at, or play like a child should.  A few months after she picked up the table he was diagnosed....I said well, that will make a great area for ABA.

Brand new baby in hand I turned a room into an ABA center.  IN every IEP meeting they tell me how far he has come and I say how at 2 I thought he would never talk.... at the same time, as I turned his room in to therapy center I told myself with enough therapy he would be mainstream by kindergarten - first grade. Wrong.

People tell you how much things will change.  How once his speech is in order his behavior will regress, how when his behavior is better his processing will regress, a triangle I'm told, something will always suffer.   I didn't think it would go away, I didn't think one morning he would wake up Autism Free....that's not the case.

I know he will never be Autism Free, but yesterday it hit me.  He is going to be 5, as much as I feel I have been doing this forever, I'm STILL NEW here.  AS "typical" as I am, sometimes I can see scenarios and visions in my head.

Right now I picture myself on a dirt road.... I just tripped on my face due to all these behavioral problems and crap that have taken over my once sweet and mild mannered child.  I just look.....I look down this long never ending path full of tree roots and holes I'll probably trip in again.  I realize this shit is never going away.  I'm ok with it...its just weird to think about....too much to wrap my brain around.

Things I swore I WOULD and WOULD NOT do as a mother.....

In Honor of Mothers Day I decided to share a list of the things I thought i would and would not do as a mother.  Enjoy, laugh and have a great day!!!

1.  I will loose the baby weight IMMEDIATELY, how hard can it be??

  - How hard indeed. You gain 45lbs, birth a 7 pounder and all the fun stuff that comes along with him and loose 3 pounds...wait....WHAT?!?!?  Ok actually I lost ten pounds that day and with breastfeeding proceeded to loose 26 in two weeks.  I was ON FIRE....look at me 26 lbs in 2 weeks?!  Lets just say 18 months later when I got preggo with Lia I was still waiting to loose the remaining 20lbs lol. 

2.  I will dress cool

  -  Cool = not functional.  I want white jeans........I'm not wearing white jeans. 

3.  I will never go out in yoga pants.

  -  I own 10 pairs of Yoga pants.....

4.  I will not spend all day in my pajamas

  - Sometimes I wonder what the bus driver thinks when 7 hours after I put my son on the bus....I'm still wearing the same outfit.....and then the next morning I'm STILL wearing it....which brings me to

5.  I will not fall asleep with my clothes on

  -  That's something drunk college kids do.....I will mature and put on pajamas.  This year my new years resolution was not to loose weight or be healthy, it was to NOT fall asleep in my regular clothes.  Like all resolutions....it lasted a month.

6.  I will not be a short order cook

   -  Who wants waffles for dinner?!?  Oh you want cereal and you want chicken....here you go enjoy!

7.  I will stay manicured and groomed

  - Showering daily happens if I'm lucky.....my hair is always up because my lion mane gets tangled in babies.  Make-up goes unworn because I'm so naturally beautiful.....or in actuality because I m lucky I remember to put my glasses on, forget about Make-up.  I am now that insane looking mom I swore I would never be.

8.  I will not be a helicopter parent

  -  sounds good. sure I wont be on the playground equipment with them but I'm also not 30 feet away on a bench.  let them fall they say, its good for them to get hurt they say......well as a kid
I  knew someone who fell from playground equipment and was in a half body cast for 2 months.  So, I'm hovering near by....Sorry

9.   I will NEVER get a minivan

  

  -  Well there is Big Red.......the kids love the van....so I love the van too.  That being said...when the kids get bigger I'm getting an Explorer again, end of story.

10.  I will be involved in ALL school activities.

  -  I have never made it to ONE parents association meeting.  Never, I have tried but I always forget, or someone throwing up.  I'm angry at myself, I want to be the overly involved mom....I'm not, or at least not yet.

11.  I will still keep my circle of children less friends

  -  I still love my friends without kids more then anything, but eventually I'm too tired and emotionally old to go out till 4 am or 2 am or crap 12am.  When I get out those rare times /i feel weird because..........well to #12

12.  I will not ONLY talk about my kids

  -  I feel weird because all I know to talk about is kids and their kid things.....throw in some  Autism and I'm a social mess around people with no kids.  I walk away from those nights kicking myself for not being able to hold a simple conversation that doesn't involve kids.

13.  I will never drink box wine....

  -and with that I say cheers.  Me and my cheap wine are off to celebrate the last 3.5 hours of Mothers Day :)

Things I swore My Child Would Never Do........

Thing #208 I swore the Kids would never do:  Get Toys without earning them for good behavior....

.LOL

The other night while sharing a lovely appetizer at a local restaurant I look at my children lovingly as they were being oh so pleasant.  I then proceeded to look at my husband and say "Remember when we were younger and we made fun of those parents that brought portable DVD Players to the restaurant?  I take it all back".  I said this because across the table from us were two children, one using a coloring app on Ipad and another playing Star Wars Angry Birds on a Kindle.

My husband and I have been blessed to be the first children in our families to have children, the only cousins in our age range who have children and the only couple in our original friends groups with children.  With that being said we have heard our fair share of "I would never let my kid do....." or "When I have kids I will never......"  I laugh on the inside every time....

So here we go.... The official List of Things I SWORE my kids would never do: 

1.  My kid is never going to be a video Zombie when we go out to eat, they should just eat and behave.  Kids don't need technology, they need discipline.
  
     - BAHAHAHAHA.  If it were not for technology we could never go out to eat.  So use the Ipad kid, don't forget to take a bite of your chicken.

2.  My children will clean their plates of the food I give them, even if it takes hours.

       -  "Ok take two more bites.....ok one more bite.  Just, just , just don't ask me for food later when you are hungry"  I don't have hours to sit and wait for the child to eat.  Honestly I will just pop an extra vitamin in him tomorrow.

3.  My Children will NEVER be Rude.

     - "Hey Lady!  I NEED SOME MORE APPLE JUICE" ----said the child, loudly, while standing on a chair, when he finally decided to look up from his Ipad

4.  My kids will never watch TV, especially not before the age of 2.

        -  This morning, tears of Joy streamed down my cheeks when I heard that SPROUT was now available Cablevision....... that's as far as I have to go.  You can figure out my stance on TV now.

5.  My daughter will Never look like a Slob, shes a girl, she needs to look like one.

       - I have come to realize that her lopsided pony tale and chocolate covered face can bring equal, if not greater joy to my heart then when shes all prim and proper....why?....because she was probably doing something super fun to get into such disarray.

6.  My children will not be in diapers past 2

    -  Well, Frankie's issues are different, and the fact that he is still in diapers at 4.5 is not uncommon, but still it's there.  That being said, my typical 2.5 year old is still rocking diapers too.  I swore I would have this under control, that the diapers would be a thing of the past but.....yea the best laid plans...

7.  My kids will not eat in the car

      -  If you were to go into my mini van I'm sure you could find remnants of pirates booty in most of the crevices.  Last week on our drive to Pennsylvania the kids got hungry so in a moment of insanity I threw an entire bag of pirates booty into the back seat and said have a good time......messy!

8.  My kids will never run around peoples houses/ parties in a wild manner

     -  I've counted the laps they can do around a grand piano....and cheered them on

9.  My kids will never be the trouble maker

      - 5/2/13 "Your son bit another child AGAIN today".....Friggen brilliant, my kids the biter

10.  My kids will not sleep in my bed

      -  Out of 3 kids I have only ONE that prefers to sleep alone....and when I say alone I mean alone on the couch, NOT her b
ed.  It took 3 years go get my son in his bed all night every night and with a still nursing 9 month old in the bed, it looks like he will follow the same path.  I have THREE kids....mama needs her damn sleep...even if its with a foot in my face.



Feel Free to add some of your own in the  comments, I tend to forget things......

LOOK for a Part 2 Coming SOON!

How to not Laugh at Annoying Behavior

So....did you think this was suppose to be some sort of tutorial on how to keep your composure as your child does something wildly hysterical yet socially inappropriate?  Well its not, if anything I ask you if any of you have any tips...other then burring your face in a pillow and hoping he doesn't see.

My kids Love Ni Hao Kai-lan.  Its on for one hour a day from 11-12, which i constantly forget about so I now have to DVR it.  The other night i let them watch one show before bed and both choose Kai Lan....well until Frankie screams "no no, I wasnt Team Umizoomi instead"  The fighting between the 2 small children begins, screaming, crying etc.  To give myself some peace I tell him is has to be Kai-Lan (Lia will cry for hours, where as Frankie will be annoyed for a minute and get over it). 

Kai-Lan  theme song comes one and they are all danicing etc and my son starts doing the FUNNIEST thing I have seen to date.  So if you know the characters to Team Umizoomi you will understand

::Kai La Opening playing::

Frankie: wow Lia look its MILLI!  Holy Cow I see Bot!  I love This Team Umizoomie Episode!  Its GIO.  Team umizoomie is the best show EVER"

He went on and on pretending the show opening was really Team Umizoomi.....and my daughter SOBBED, and sobbed and cried and screamed "stop talking, its kai lan, its kai lan no no its not team umizoomie"

I burred my head in a pillow trying not to laugh.  How can one almost 5 year old big brother ALREADY know how to push his sisters buttons so well? He has trouble understanding emotions but he sure knows how to piss her off. 

My future looks crazy... LOL

Typical Shmipical

I was getting depressed for a minute.  This is a bad time of year for me, its IEP time....and this year I should have been signing my son up for Kindergarten.  So with my mind in that yucky place, the place where i go through a million pages of paper work that point out all of my sons deficiencies with a few "he's such a sweet happy boy"s thrown in.  I read another blog post about our kids having issues playing sports and how mothers of typical kids shouldn't complain because our kids can't play team sports.  Then I came upon this......

Then I almost started crying.  I already had my gears working in my head about how when Frankie is an adult I can buy this house from my mom and stepfather and then Frankie can live in the apartment that is our apartment now since he is DOOMED to never get married or be a capable adult. 

Then I snapped out of it.  I suppose this photo was made for shock value.  It was made to freak people into awareness.  I'm not a big fan of freaking people out, because I DON'T like being freaked out.

 My son CAN play team sports, he plays sports with his fellow ASD friends.  Is it as fluid and organized as typical soccer....NO....but hes gaining social skills and there is no one to giggle at him when he runs to the wrong goal.  My neighbors son who is on the spectrum is 9.....and guess what, he plays football with typical kids.  Here is a secret, I am "typical" and I am terrible at sports.  My sport was swimming.....I was on swim team , which is an isolating sport.  My event was the 500, 20 laps, 7+minutes to be alone with my thoughts.  My son could have been born typical and STILL been crappy at teams sports, just like his mama.  :)

As for the photo....Most people will not achieve their dream or traveling the world because of finances and Life not Autism.   Many typical children won't live independently because its easier to live with mom and dad not because of Autism.  Many will not serve their country because they don't believe in war not Autism.  Many will not be leaders because honestly, being a follower is easier not because of Autism.  Some men will not fall in love, get married or raise kids because they like the bachelor lifestyle (that our culture glorifies) not because of Autism. 

I could have birthed a child who was completely typical and he too could have never done any of the above.  There is no point for me to be sitting here worrying about what he wont do.  I will never be helping my son on focusing on what he may not do. 

Typical Frankie could have been great at sports, done to a D1 school for football and injured himself his first year.  He could have then decided to pursue a career in rap while living in my basement.  As his career didn't flourish and he worked at the bank near by he would have met several girls at the club and decided living the playa lifestyle was the way to go.  He would go on to make decent money at the bank but never chose management because there is too much stress and just sitting back collecting money is easier.  He would toy with the idea of buying a house and then realizes with taxes being about 10k a year and houses averaging 400k in our area he may as well stay in the one bedroom  apartment in my basement.  At 50 he will find a woman to be his old age companion but still refuses to get married.  They stay in our house because at that point we will be in our 70's and we need some help.........

Frankie with Autism got thousands of hours of therapy in his first years of life.  He had to struggle a little harder to socialize and be on par with the rest of his peers.  In HS he had a few friends and excelled in academics.  He went to college and chose a career path where he could work and excel and his job was not socially centered, more technical.  He became a leader in his field because of his intelligence, not so much social skills.  He marries a childhood friend who also has ASD, they understand each other and have similar issues.  They have children who they monitor closely (maybe choose not to vaccinate or feed Gluten too lol) and they make enough money to put me and my husband in a fancy assisted living situation and never have to move back in ;)

Neither one of these might happen, but the truth is my sons Autism won't define his life.  I can't sit here and worry about the future, I need to be here for my son today.  I don't think scaring people about Autism is the way to get our voices heard.  It was because of those shock tactics that when i realized my son had Autism I sobbed and made the assumption he would never speak (we see that didn't happen).  I'm done comparing myself to other moms and I'm done comparing my son to other kids, he is Frankie, plain and simple, he will find his way in life and I will love whatever path he takes.

I'm right there......

I had a emotionally mommy moment earlier.  I have the benefit of having friends with children similar to mine.....so vent I did to Adventures on the Spectrum.  I've come to realize, us mamas hate showing our vulnerability, but sometimes we must, to show we are human.

This is my son.....The son that 2+ years ago did not speak.  The son who did not respond to his name, stimmed most of the day and had no real way to communicate with me.  I remember all i wanted him to do was be able to tell me he wanted juice or that he was hungry.  One of the rock bottom times for me was when he ate a crayon, he ate a crayon because he was hungry, he was hungry and couldn't tell me.

The years have past and I have a fully verbal child.....who can be rude at times.  Well, he is actually rude most of the time.  If I took Frankie out with me 1:1 and placed no demands on him, he would look and act like a typical 4.5 year old.  I am right there....... the trouble is, his emotions.  He still has great difficulty reading peoples emotions, with that comes frustration and frustration leads to MELT DOWN.   The other day my heart ached as he tickled his sister (who was now annoyed and was crying) he yelled at her "Lia, are you laughing or crying?  I don't know, I can't tell "  .  He has issues reading social cues from other kids so he doesn't understand kids don't like him in their faces, kids run away and he chases them......the kids freak out.  My husband trains Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and he has won many awards.....so my son thinks his dad is a fighter and instead of cuddling and hugging he is constantly trying to "fight him".  When we correct the "fighting"......or anything for that matter, MELT DOWN.  Ask him to wait MELT DOWN, ask him to get on the bus when he is in the middle of watching 3rd and bird MELT DOWN, Tell him pretzels is not a dinner option....you get the idea.

Being on this end of the spectrum I feel like we are right there...... if I could remedy his last few issues he could be happy all day.  Only  few steps from forming relationships..... I feel so close but then again far away.  I don't know how long it will take for him to get there.....if he will ever get there.

Please don't get me wrong, In the end its not about me.  I don't want him to change for me, I just want him to be comfortable.

He Works So Hard

Today I saw this Photo......

 

It came from Autism Spectrum Disorder, through their Eyes

It made me think.  

Next to me on the couch is a boy 3 months shy of 5.  For the last 2 years he has endured at minimum THREE hours or therapy 5 times a week and at most SIX.

At TWO and a HALF he began 2x 90min a day of ABA therapy.  Two times during the week you could also throw in a 45 minute session of Speech therapy.  

While other kids his age were at play groups and at the park, my baby was in a chair or on the floor with a skilled therapist teaching him how to play, how to listen, how to talk.  

Days were long, we were isolated.  In the beginning he would scream the whole time, other times he would throw things, try to flip a table.  This was his life, this was his normal.  

At 3 I placed him on a bus.....I placed him on a bus to a school where the school day was 6 hours and the commute was 20 minutes each way.  He gets, OT, PT, Speech, Group Play Therapy and Individual Therapy.  

He is a little boy, and he has the course load of a college kid.  I know at the end of the day it's all worth it....but he really is still just a baby <3

I don't like Autism Speaks.....but Im still wearing Blue

 

Today is Tuesday, April 2nd 2013.  Today is World Autism Awareness Day.  Today we are rocking BLUE.  Today I refused to get into politics about Autism.  Today.....today I honor my son, his friends and their parents for the struggles and obstacles they face.  I honor them for the victories they have achieved and the miles they have come.  I honor them by "Lighting it up BLUE"

I wasn't even going to go here today.  I didn't even think I would post a blog honestly.  Then my personal new feed on facebook started to piss me off.  Friends making comments about how they refuse to do anything Blue because Autism Speaks is evil, how vaccines cause Autism, how the world is ending, how every kid is 50 years will have Autism.....I could go on. 

First, I personally do NOT stand with Autism Speaks.  I do not like their organization practices, I would love to see them spending more money on helping families then doing endless research studies that always come out empty or inconclusive.  Because of this I do not donate money to Autism Speaks but instead to other local non for profit organizations local to me.  Let me tell you...just because we do not give money to Autism Speaks, or agree with their practices I  WILL light it up Blue and I will acknowledge that they are the ones who got the ball rolling for ALL of us.   

I am a strong believer that there are many causes of Autism, some being vaccines.  Guess who opened the doors of Autism Awareness to get the voice of the Anti-vaxer out there....Autism Speaks.  They brought it to the surface, they are the reason so many kids have been evaluated, or parents have become educated on vaccine and environmental safety.  

I know many can say, "I am aware, i live this everyday"  we don't realize though, there are so many who are not.  There are TONS of people that have no idea what Autism is.  They see it talked about but couldn't tell you one characteristic of it.  So yes, I live it everyday, and April is annoying, but i keep telling myself not everyone knows.  Maybe something I do in April will educate one person who can get a kid into therapy early....nothing hurts more then hearing someone say "oh he's 3.5, he doesn't talk but that's ok, he's a boy".... I cringe, because not everyone knows. 

So put politics aside, put cause aside and Honor these kids......put on your blue big kid underpants and spread the word

Im Thinking too much

ahhhh, this hat!

I wake up and I dream of a time where I can worry or even just think of superficial crap.


All I can think about this morning is getting Lia an OT evaluation.  Then from there I think about how even though she is presenting with Sensory Processing Disorder....that is not a diagnosis alone.  She has no Autism flags, just the sensory.  So I am left here to fend for it myself.

I have been up for 3 hours and besides doing simple changing and drinking coffee, my husband has taken care of the kids and the dishes as I google for hours about compression vests and anxiety disorders in 2 year olds.

I long for a day when the biggest stress in my life will be what color kitchen curtains to get or what counter top would go best with my back splash.  Maybe it will never be like that, maybe no ones life is so simple, maybe its Facebook where everyone puts a best foot forward or people constantly complain about the most simple things.  Here I am thinking, seriously, your day sucks?  My child is having a 5 alarm meltdown over a hair touching her or her food touching each other....once the meltdown begins all ability to communicate stops and she is mute.

Lets add in the ASD kid who has been doing so well, but pushes the buttons of the super sensitive kid.....its like a chaotic orchestra of screams.  Again, tell me how much your life sucks.  I have developed an ulcer from the stress of my children.  Its something I don't talk about, I eat and if anything is triggered in regards to stress I feel like my insides are eating themselves.....actually....I have it right now. 

I read an article that said Autism Moms Have Stress Similar To Combat Soldiers ....... yea you read that right....and there are days I feel it.  I have started to snap in my head, I get so angry....all the screaming, all the freaking, all the aggression, all the repetition.....at any second someone could do something to disturb the peace that we are in......a kids brain is tripped and the screaming and crying starts, I cant get one minute to myself.

Through all of it I stay positive, really I do.  I am a Christian woman and I think to myself well, there is a reason for it all.  I know in the past I have asked "why?" to see the true reason years down the road.  My life does not suck.  I suppose I am blessed that I can think of substantial things....i just wish my brain didn't have to work so much

Wheat...... Wheat Everywhere

I'm impulsive.  So last week I decided The kids weren't eating Gluten anymore.....end of story.

Ok Now for the Back Story:

When Frankie was diagnosed with Autism in Feb 2011, I was bombarded with ideas and cures.  My first thought was.....I'm not doing that Gluten thing.  My kid at the time had a solid diet of yogurt, apples, Bread and chicken nuggets.  Sorry, I wasn't taking the gluten out, its what he ate. 

Murphy's Law states:

"When Parent says 'I don't want to go Gluten Free', Child will come back with a positive test result for Celiacs Disease"

Its a long story.....but Long story Short....My sons Blood work came back positive for Celiacs but his Intestinal Biopsy came back negative. 

Our Doctor and the specialist had two different schools of thought.  Specialist said, "eventually he will come back with intestinal damage, it will be after years of eating Wheat and then we will have to go GF anyway.  So why not just do it now".  Pediatrician says "Live the same and go in and retest, when its damaged then go GF"

Out of fear i guess I just went with the pediatricians line of thought because it was less scary, there was no need for change (see he's not the only one with change issues).  And so it went till last Monday. 

I have been missing from Blogging and my autism Groups in the last few weeks because my kid was out of control and I was so down about it.  The behaviors, the screaming, the hitting, the meltdowns...... I was melting down.

So, in an impulse, I decided we were going Gluten Free.  It was time, I was going to have to do it one day so why not just do it now.  I threw out the open wheat products and gave away the closed ones. 

I'm not going to go to into what happened when I tried to feed the kids meat (they hate meat) and turkey nuggets breaded in rice chex......

So I will say......

A week into this......my sons not freaking out.  He is having full, long, drawn out conversations with me.

Yesterday he took a toy from school for Lia......When she woke up he was so excited, he told her how he took it and brought it to her because he thought since it had a heart she would love it.  It could go with her dolls and that he knew she would love it.....Amazing!  The back of my mind I was thinking, well you can't STEAL toys, but honestly so thoughtful!

And finally....this morning something happened.....which is probably only great to me.  In the first time in 4.5 years....my kid had a normal poop.  I almost cried over poop, but after years of diarrhea, soft Bm's everywhere....this kid had a friggen normal poop. 

The life of a Mother with a Child on the Spectrum, crying over toy Stealing and Poop :)

The Winner is........

 

LISA I.

you are the WINNER!

Please email me @ danielle.sforza@gmail.com so I can mail out your 

Hang Up Home Organizer!

For More info on this product go to 

www.mythirthyone.com/daniellesforza

Oh Target....

How I doth love thee.....

Yesterday, I sent the two older children to Grandmas House so they could go do the Chucky Cheese thing.  Again I commend my mother in law, the idea of going there with the kids gives me major anxiety, yet she and my father in law take it with stride and have a great time with the kids!

SO me and little bear....its not just a name I give the baby...kid looks like a bear, hes huge and wears a bear coat lol..... we go to Target. 

It has been theorized that you can NOT walk into Target and spend less then $100.  It is because of that theory, I don't walk into Target and instead grumble around Walmart hoping I can get out as soon as possible.  But this day.....alone with the baby....in need of socks, instant mash potatoes and light bulbs, I though....... CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

Did some math in my head....socks $10.....Mash $2.....Light bulbs $5.......Even if i threw in a few other things I could totally walk out under $100.  So Mrs. Budget Conscious walks around Target, getting what I need....then it begins. 

- What follows are the dialogs in my head and with my 6 month old-

Well the kids needed socks.....and they are so inexpensive....i should get them each 3 PACKS of socks. Frankie needs a bunch of different socks because all of them bother his feet.... Oh wait look at these princess socks, Lia would love these!

NEXT Stop.....

Oh look little boy blazers....oh the boys don't have Easter Outfits but I'm sure these are too much...WAIT $14!  That's no bad!  Oh well they need something to put under the Blazers, $5 for this dress shirt?  That's not too bad.  Wait James doesn't have pants that match this...must get pants. 

NEXT

I hate CFL's they make my apartment look blue and cold.  Oh look they put a CFL in a round bulb to fake people out.  $20???  Oh wait here are regular bulbs....I hear they would make regular bulbs illegal.....I need to buy 20 bulbs since they are like $3 for 4.....20 Bulbs it is, they are so cheap anyway.  Batteries!  I could use some of these extra batteries

NEXT:

WOW A MINNIE DRESS..... Ok I did NOT buy the Minnie dress or the doctor set, or the cleaning set or the toy story set I wanted to get the kids...i had SOME self control

NEXT:

Ok where are the mash potatoes.  Wow one box $1.47....but look at these little .99 cent packages for when I'm feeling EXTRA lazy and don't even want to add the milk myself.  Lets throw 10 of those in here

REGISTER TIME:

Throw in a candy bar and a Diet Coke.....with NY States 8.63% sales tax......I came in over $100 all those socks.....Darn you TARGET!

It shouldn't even be a theory, it should be fact.  It could be that quiet time with out the big kids running around let me relax and makes me stay longer.  It could be that things are cheap so you in turn buy more.....OR it COULD be that they pump something into the air that alters your brain and makes you buy crap.  Who knows....all i know is my kids are going to have warm feet, belly's full of mash potatoes, warm looking light bulbs with no mercury (another topic, another time) and are going to look Awesome on Easter :)

Note: Got Dress 60% off at Macys.....ah those boys are going to look great!

Apparently, its one or the other

So after night 3 of Melatonin.....my son is SUPER well rested.

This means mornings are pleasant.  The kids eat and get ready for school with out tears.  With that being said...it seems all that extra needed sleep has caused TONS of extra energy!

It seems with Autism, if its not one thing its another.  When his language came his behaviors got worse, when his behaviors are good, his emotions are out of wack.

I suppose I shoudl get use to this.  SO I sleep at night but he's bouncing off couches while awake.
Not sure whats better.....

ITS GIVEAWAY TIME!

Ok so I've been sitting here with this organizer in my hands pondering what to do with it since I already have 3.....yea 3. 

Anywho, So here it is....in catalog and in practice at my house:

So I decided instead of selling it, I would give it away since I am seeing how much it is helping in our own home.  Below is the "Rafflecopter" box so you can enter.  I was going to do numbers but with that many fans im scared I will screw up Royally.

If you have any questions feel free to email me on The Neurotypical Mom or Danielle.Sforza@gmail.com

See more pics at www.mythirtyone.com/daniellesforza
a Rafflecopter giveaway

I am not a Doctor.....

 

 

Quick....To answer questions.  I was advised by a Doctor to give the children Melatonin, over a year ago for Frankie actually.  I put it off for a year because I didn't want to mess with his body.

That being said, after the last few months, where my son has been exhausted, struggling to get up in the morning, go to bed at night, looking like hes 50 because of the bags under his eyes, his behaviors are insanely over the top due to being overtired, I had to try it. 

Called school today, they said he is having a great day.  He woke up on his own this morning with his sister and they played before school and had breakfast with no tears.

Will Melatonin be forever, hopefully not, but until my kids are on a regular sleep cycle again, this is how it will go.

IF you think your child might benefit from using Melatonin PLEASE speak to a doctor first to get correct dosages etc.  Try to stay away from Dr. Google.  I have read so many conflicting thing on the Internet, remember just because its on the Internet doesn't mean its true.  

 I will keep you updated on how things are going, if the more regulated sleep makes for happier kids.  I know my daughter is less moody at least!

 

If your New Here....

I am a Christian wife and mother of three. I work at home selling Organizing solutions....while I am the least organized woman on earth.

My oldest was diagnosed with Autism at 2.5.  He was nonverbal and jumpy

I tried ton of supplements, diets, medicines, put my kid through tests and honestly....he only "recovered" with Intense schooling, therapy, hope and love

My son has Celiacs, and all my kids have dairy issues....because of that we are GFCF....I didnt see any difference in anyones behavior....except everyones poop was back to normal.

I don't let my kids have red dye because it makes them Bonkers

I am sarcastic and like to kid alot.  Please don't take me to seriously.

At the same time, I take tons of crap personally. 

I beat myself up for over a year blaming myself for my sons issues and my inability to fix him.  It wasn't until i let that go and loved him for ho he was....that he was "fixed"

I'm a normal mom, I get frazzled, i drink wine and I like it. 

Try not to get offended....its all fun here

I cured my sons Autism with Granola Bars and Apple Juice from China

I might lose fans

I started many a blog with that warning....but its come to the point where I considered writing this anonymously.  Then i thought, stop being a coward and just come out with it.

My son was diagnosed with Autism and 2 months later I started a blog.  In those months I was bombarded with thoughts, ideas, "cures" and tons of opinions.  I've said it before, I was never depressed about it, I knew something happened with vaccines (my son, not ALL Autism), I knew in my mind he would be ok, we would be ok.

Then I saw it......I saw these moms talking about "recovery".  So there I fell, into the recovery circle.   We started therapy and I started "recovery".  I ran to the local health food store ad plopped down close to $300 in supplements.  I put my son through Blood tests, MRI's, EEG, Endoscopy's, nutrition consultations, Prescription meds....I did it all to help him, thats what I believed. 

Every morning I had him swallowing liquids and gummies and sending him to school.  Everyday I sat here and read about crazy things people were trying....CAMEL Milk....yes Camel milk to recover the Autism.

Here I am feeling like Shit because I cant afford Camel milk....shit I cant afford all these damn supplements to save my kids life.  After all those test, I found out my kid has celiacs and  MTFR gene mutation....so I suppose the tests were good but I NEVER found that crazy crap in his blood everyone told me I would.  I spread myself thin and almost burnt myself out to recover this kid....and then I snapped.  It was around the same time I got pregnant with the little guy and took a hiatus from Blogging.

I BURNT OUT.  I burnt out because there are people in this world that are holier then thou and have "recovered" their children.  They never feed their kids foods with preservatives, they give them special meds, they give them special baths, they go to special doctors and they talk down to everyone who doesn't go bankrupt trying to save their kid.

NOW here is the kicker........

My son.....seems...."recovered"

It was hard for me to come back to blogging...because he is doing so Damn well.  You know what I did?  Nothing.  I fed him GF Granola bars and Juice.  He ate chicken nuggets and cereal.  He watched TV and ate handfuls of candy. He only takes a multivitamin and he will vomit up fish oil.

Guess what, he woke up 6 months ago, looking pretty damn typical.

So my question is.....was it just time and therapy. I Thank God every day I did not bankrupt us.  When I say I do not have one cent left to try new "therapies" I mean it.  There is no way.....

And here he is....talking up a storm...looking at inclusion Kindergarten with hopes of mainstream soon after that and he never had a drop of camel milk, or was thrown in a hyperbaric chamber, never chelated, never on a strict diet, never given supplements around the clock.......just therapy, time and hope.

That's all I got.  I rambled I know, I know.  I know some of you feel like me....you read peoples status updates on facebook when it come to Autism and you feel inferior, I know I did (some days I still do).  Why didn't I do more, why don't I do more, why am I not a "warrior".  Because I'm not a warrior, I'm a mom, and at the end of the day I'm a good one.

At the end of the day...I RECOVERED MY SON.....on Granola Bars and Apple Juice made in China :D

I push my kid....dont worry, not physically!

This would be my bad a** self many moons ago....ok maybe 6 years ago

 Skinny and Athletic....imagine that.  I think I stared Skiing around 11....then the winter of the year I was 12 I think I went skiing nearly every other weekend.  When I was 15 I decided to learn how to snowboard, well because that's what all the cool kids were doing :)

So that's the back story.  My mother and stepfather go skiing almost every weekend.  How a woman born in Cuba (my mother) came to be a skier is another story, but it was apparent that my mother has been waiting to see Frankie ski since he was in utero.

When the weekend came that we would bring Frankie to Vermont was approaching, to say I was anxious would be an understatement.  My skin broke out,I was moody and semi insane.  With Frankie you can do a social story but God Forbid you say we are going skiing...he must go NOW.  So For two days prior to going....he had to go NOW.

Now I might get some Shit (sorry have to use it) for what I am going to say.  I HAVE to push my son.  I know he has Autism, I know things stress him out, I know he is sensitive but truth is if I don't push him he will sit on the couch the rest of his life watching TV because it will be easier then getting up.  Say whatever you want, but I know because I suffer from the same nonsense.  When my anxiety gets bad I have to be forced to do things, maybe I had a good time, maybe I did not, but I got it done.

We drive the 4.5 hours to Vermont.  The big guy is amazed by the snow.  The last time he saw real big amounts of snow was Dec 26th of 2010.  There was no snow in NY last year so it was like seeing it for the first time!  My first mistake that Friday evening was not pushing him to get his boots sized.  The plan had been to get to get there and have his ski boots fitted and rented but of course being that we JUST got there, the transition to getting back in the car made him meltdown.  Say what you want but I should have pushed him through it, the discomfort of that transition would have made other things a lot easier the following 2 days.

The following day we went up to the mountain in the afternoon after an whole morning of meltdowns because snow is cold and the house was different and there was no cable and the netflix didn't work and we weren't going skiing NOW.  I could have went that morning to bring him skiing but he was just getting upset left and right over everything it wasn't going to happen.  At the mountain he decided he needed to go skiing that SECOND and needed the biggest skis that had.....meltdown because he couldn't have the biggest ski's.....bigger then skis I could even use lol.  I thought bringing him to the mountain just to see, to get him ready for Sunday morning would be a good thing, that he would have slowly adjusted.....NOPE...needed to SKI NOW SKI NOW!

This is us after going to the Candy store (bribery).....He still needed to Ski right then and there.  Also that is my husband....wearing our little guy in the Ergo.....gotta love a daddy wearing a baby!

We managed to get through Saturday with promises of skiing in Sunday morning.

Sunday morning, Frankie needed to go skiing NOW

This is us in the room where you can put on your boots.  We walk in and Frankie is adamant about getting his Ski's NOW.  Well....first paper work "I NEED MY SKIS".....then some boots "THESE BOOTS ARE TOO HARD, I CAN"T I NEED SKIS"....Then get Skis " THESE SKIS ARE TOO LITTLE THEY ARE FOR BABIES"

I'm not sure if most would quit by then.  Maybe people thought I was cruel to push him....but if my butt got on my ski clothes and all my equipment out after 6 years.....he was going skiing.

This is what a four year old on Skis looks like.  Boots, ski's, helmet, goggles helmet and awesome harness so mom can carry you around.  Can you see HOW BIG of an event this can be for a kid on the spectrum????  I think he was crying a little bit after this because now that we were on the mountain he wanted to go on the BIG SKI LIFT and not on the little bunny slope "magic carpet".  So again I had to force my child up a small ski lift as he screamed that he need to go on the "BIG HAND GLIDER NOW"

That's how that works, Mom puts child in the middle as child yells "WE ARE GOING TO CRASH".  Then when we don't crash he says "OK lets do that again but lets go on the other side".  So we go up again on the little "Magic carpet" (that area by the black tube in the photo) and this time we go on the right side where there are little flags set up to go around ;)

Now after a morning of screaming he has decided he want to go up the BIG "magic Carpet"

We went up a few more times.  After about an hour he was pretty much done, which was fine with me, I was happy he did it for more then 10 minutes.  I asked him if he wanted to do it again and he said only if we go on the "hand glider"(aka the chairlift that goes higher up the mountain).  I then asked if we could bring Lia next year....he said no, this was just for me and Mommy.

Maybe people think I'm terrible for pushing him, for making him deal with things that make him uncomfortable.  I wondered if people would say, just let him be himself, not be what you want.  Well If he never wanted to Ski again then I'm ok with that, but he has to try.  That's all, call me crazy.

Inadequate Mom

d

I have been meaning to write this blog for about two week, but in all honesty I didn't have the time or the desire.  Well that's not entirely true, i did have the desire but....yea time, that's hard to come by.  In this moment I should be doing something else, my dishes are over flowing and my washer is beeping but at the same time I hate feeling like I dropped off here.

SOOO there it is in the title, I feel grossly inadequate in a million ways.  I have an issue with taking too much on, not because i have to but because I genuinely want to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~STEPPED AWAY FROM THIS POST FOR 3 WEEKS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok I'm back.  I am friends with quite a few Autism Mommy's and Daddy's, some of them bloggers like myself.  Last night i drank sweet wine.....When I drink sweet whine or champagne I end up crying.  Crying because I feel like I should be doing so much more for my son.  I wish i had set his room up like a classroom, I wish i had time to do floor time at home, i wish i had an impeccable schedule, i wish i hadn't had the three kids so close, i feel like maybe someone else would have done better, i wish i had more patience.  Then add the parents that do the whole biomed thing.  Here I am wondering.....would all that stuff make my son feel better on the inside.  AM i a FAILURE because i didn't spend thousands of dollars on supplements and diets etc to try.

I see posts on facebook about these kids diets and "we never ingest anything processed" as my kid is munching down on a pop tart that I just gave him to bribe him to eat carrots because we are trying to go gluten free (he has Latent Celiacs).  IF that's not the most asinine thing ever I don't know what is.

I see people perfectly potty training their children and here I am having knock down drag out fights with my son to just sit on it....so i gave up for a little.  To me if it takes till he is 5 so be it, but i feel like a failure, i should have printed laminated charts and graphs and highly nutritious treats that he eats with no problem to train him for the potty.

Two years ago when I started this I envisioned myself as this with it mom.  The one who had all the therapy tools, who kept her cool and was a rold model for other moms.  I would give my kids the best foods and give them great supplements that helped his tummy and brain feel better.  I would be persistent and strong....I would just be awesome.

So last night I cried to my husband because I don't think I am any of those.  I'm chugging along.  My kids think I'm awesome,  My family does too....Really that's all that matters.   I think I will just live in the mindset that everyone is bragging on facebook and they too have messy houses and let their kids eat pop tarts for lunch if they really have to.