Why Thank you......yes, I know things could be worse. I should be happy my kid isn't dead, he doesn't have a terminal disease, he is high functioning, he is loving....blah blah blah, yea I know. First let me say to those who may be reading this and have said those things to me, I do appreciate it. I know you mean your best, but you have to understand that I do know this.
I am thankful that I have a son who is alive, that loves me and does not have some fatal disease that will snatch him away from me prematurely. It could be worse, but that does not make my pain and frustration go away. It does not make me stop questioning everything I ate, breathed or touched while I was pregnant. It does not make me stop beating myself up for vaccinating him over and over even after I saw odd things happen. It does not make the tears go away as I see Typical kids his age do things that he does not do. It does not take the stress away as my son repeatedly runs away, hits animals, kick his sister, scream for no reason , make weird noises, refuses to sleep alone, wont eat on his own, slaps me in the face, runs into the street and is just plain unable to process and retain the idea of danger.
So yes on the spectrum of things we are lucky. My son is High Functioning. I've read articles others have written over and over, just because our kids are high functioning, it does not mean things are easy. When you tell me it could be worse, its like you telling me my feelings and pain are not valid. I pray for those who have it worse then me, my heart goes out to you. What I need instead of these stories is...... a hug, a your doing a good job, hes going to be ok, a how can I help you, maybe read a book about Autism so you can understand, trust what I say and agree with me....just be there.
It could be worse. I agree.. and at the same time it still hurts and it is still hard..Its hard when you watch your child struggling so hard as he is being pushed by something inside that you can't even see what, where, why or how it is hurting him. If you could see it .. "You" would fix it because you love him so much.. but you can't fix something you can't see let alone understand, and when ya can't fix it..and IT HURTS and it haunts you.. Thank God you love Frankie so much that it does hurts babe, that pain will cause you to rise up even more and give you everything your going to need to be "Frankie's" mom and his defender.. He has a great mom who is going to help him overcome many obstacles and help bring more awareness to this unseen force that reckons everyday with our children and grandchildren.. Hang in there Danielle and know that God knows.. and God see's.. and God understands every single fear and moment of anguish you deal with that many cannot relate to.. You are a great mom...
ReplyDeleteThank you hun! We had a great day, me and the kid, but I had that rant sitting in my heart for a while now. I personally say "it could be worse" but I feel like that is my line to say, not anyone elses. I always feel like this is all happening for a reason. God has a plan for my family, if that means he had to have Autism so we could touch someones life so that they could better the world....I am ok with that.....its all part of a plan that I dont understand, but Im sure its a good one :)
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