Wednesday, August 3, 2011


Does anyone else ever feel like a Prisoner in their own home because of Home Services?  My 720sq foot home is getting to me today.  I use to have days where I could get out at least in the afternoon, but now with the new summer schedule I'm pretty screwed.  I guess I'm just sad that I have a 2-3 hour gap between morning therapy and afternoon therapy and they by the time the last one is over its 3:30.

I feel like my son has had the crappiest summer ever.  3 Hours just isn't enough to go to the beach, maybe enough to go to the pool but I feel so rushed.  It's no ones fault I guess, I'm just down about it.  Today for example I projected my anger on my husband.  He goes to his MMA/Brazilian Jui Jitsu classes in the morning when LP has therapy and then at night if he is off from work.  So today of course I am a huge bitch and i go off about us not doing anything which is says "well what do you want to do, I suggested going swimming and you said no".  Grrr got me there I did say no.  Truth is I don't even know what I want to do, I just want to not look at these walls.  I said "i want to go out too and do things.  I want to go get my nails done" which he replies, "ok, i will take the kids go get your nails done." I said no.  "Hey do you want to go to that bar your cousin is guest bartending at.  Leave the kids for a little" he asks.  Again I say NO.....DAMN IT, I'm too controlling to leave the kids.  

I am so controlling, I need to control all situations.  I complain because I want to do things, but given the opportunity I don't because I cant handle not being in control of the kids.  I'm probably doing my husband a disservice since I don't let him do anything.  Well I let him to dishes, make money, put things together and put LP to sleep.

So really I do this to myself.  But honestly, I wish I had more time to do things with LP.  I'm so sad about him starting school I am holding back tears.  Its just not fair.  I hate you Autism

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