Does anyone else ever feel like a Prisoner in their own home because of Home Services? My 720sq foot home is getting to me today. I use to have days where I could get out at least in the afternoon, but now with the new summer schedule I'm pretty screwed. I guess I'm just sad that I have a 2-3 hour gap between morning therapy and afternoon therapy and they by the time the last one is over its 3:30.
I feel like my son has had the crappiest summer ever. 3 Hours just isn't enough to go to the beach, maybe enough to go to the pool but I feel so rushed. It's no ones fault I guess, I'm just down about it. Today for example I projected my anger on my husband. He goes to his MMA/Brazilian Jui Jitsu classes in the morning when LP has therapy and then at night if he is off from work. So today of course I am a huge bitch and i go off about us not doing anything today.....to which is says "well what do you want to do, I suggested going swimming and you said no". Grrr got me there I did say no. Truth is I don't even know what I want to do, I just want to not look at these walls. I said "i want to go out too and do things. I want to go get my nails done"....to which he replies, "ok, i will take the kids go get your nails done." I said no. "Hey do you want to go to that bar your cousin is guest bartending at. Leave the kids for a little" he asks. Again I say NO.....DAMN IT, I'm too controlling to leave the kids.
I am so controlling, I need to control all situations. I complain because I want to do things, but given the opportunity I don't because I cant handle not being in control of the kids. I'm probably doing my husband a disservice since I don't let him do anything. Well I let him to dishes, make money, put things together and put LP to sleep.
So really I do this to myself. But honestly, I wish I had more time to do things with LP. I'm so sad about him starting school I am holding back tears. Its just not fair. I hate you Autism