A lot can change in 12 hours

12 hours ago I put my children in the car in a rush to get to church. 10:10 I sat in the driver seat, turned the key and heard "click"....."click"......"click"......Dear God NO.  I have always made the snotty comment to my husband (because his newer car has cost us a pretty penny) that while my jeep is an old tank of a car, it NEVER breaks down....well that was till today.  Running around like a maniac, remember my mothers car is here....10:25, try to jump the car with my mothers(who is away for the weekend) children screaming....let good car run and run....try to turn on mine....NOTHING more clicking.  10:45.....defeat.....Children screaming, The boy has poop and a bloody diaper rash thing going on, back in the house.  11am, there is no way i am making it to Church, where I am suppose to be working in the nursery.....utter disaster. 

Last week my husband broke his cap on his front tooth, we don't have dental insurance.  The looming bill hangs over my head.  When the reality that my car could have more than a battery problem came into my mind.....I lost it. Here we are bringing in 19% less then we did last year, i cant handle this is all I can think.   One of those, WTF did I do to be handed this card in life.  That thought that if you are religious like me, you look to God and say, when is it going to stop piling up on me?  Day in and Day out I pray just to keep things Status Quo and then I pray that if i ever stumble upon millions of dollars that my dream would be to give the money to others...I want to be Oprah, i just want to give it away.  But still with all my good intentions, thoughts and actions I get another layer of stress added on nice and thick. 

Boy is stimmy....oh so stimmy and bonkers.  I was running low of Behavior Balance and didn't buy a new bottle.  Maybe it was the skeptic in me, the doctor said he didn't find those things did much, so I didn't buy more and stopped giving it to him.....MISTAKE.  Between the tree and the lack of DMG and B6 in Frankie's life he was manic, shaking his head like I had never seen......there was about 2 doses left in the bottle and I said screw this test and shoved it in his mouth, I will get a new bottle tomorrow. 

I sat to write a Blog, some horribly nasty I HATE AUTISM and everything else blog, a why me, why did I get every crappy card in this game of life.  I sat here and stopped, its just not me and its not ok.  I put on Church on TV to charge up my batteries that were on about 5% faith, prayed for something, anything. 

So i got into this Mentality

Mom called, said I could use her car (no I'm not 17, but I don't take that car without asking).  Drove to super Kim's house.  Super Kim was one of Frankie's ABA therapist who is also a very talented Photographer....she goes by the name of "Kimberly-Jean Photography".  So Super Kim and her sister Super Keri (also one of Frankie's old ABA therapist) helped take some wonderful pictures of my children.  I cant not express enough how grateful I am for these photos that I would have never been able to do on my own or afford at this point.....So again Thank you Super Kim....oh and Super Keri too for laying on the floor lol.

With spirits renewed, I drop Frankie off at grandmas...she wants to bring him to the Ecology center.  As I am putting my baby girl in the car my father in law comes over and hands me a gift card.  He says "here its $25...its real"  He is a man of few words, I use to live in his house so we have a good relationship but, me and my husband like to joke that he speaks in grunts lol (I actually loled, oh man).  It was awkward, but I was very thankful.  I went to get a coffee with the $5 in my wallet, I was met by a sweet girl who gave me 5 munchkins for free just because the baby was cute.  Hmmm, how cute, i suppose there are good people in the world. 

Yes all these things are small, but little small things do make a difference. Had dinner with the in laws, brought the kids home, baby went to bed.  Next thing I see Frankie at the table, he is eating Goldfish and unwrapping some ribbon out.  I am putting away form clothes and look back over and see that he is putting ribbon on the Ipad saying how pretty it is, I smile, he is so cute.  Fold some more clothes and hear the most excited "Ohhh what a Beautiful Ipad!!!"  I look over again to see this......

Ah yes, it seems he learned how to open glitter bottles.....great job OT!  I couldn't get mad, I calmly said "we don't put glitter on Ipads" and vacuumed it up.....made a very nice snow globe in the canister.

11 hours after the day started in disaster, my husband came home with wings......he came home with wings and his broken front tooth.  He said "guess what?  I think my boss is going to pay for my tooth to get fixed".  What?! I say.  He tells me how boss had been away and didn't know.  Frank mentioned we didn't have insurance, so while he was going to have it fixed, it just couldn't be right now because we didn't have the money.  Later Boss says "lets talk tomorrow about that, we will figure it out". 

12 hours later, I am in a different place.  12 hours ago I threw my hands up and almost said F- this.  I was tired, tired of all this BS.  In 12 hours my faith was renewed.  Even with all the crappy stuff that happens, and nutty behavior, I realized I am blessed, I really am blessed.  I'm happy I just carried on and didn't let today take me down.......because all that glitter.....well That was really just hysterical

I hate Schedules....I need a Schedule ahhhhh

What a conflict of interest.  I hate Schedules because I feel rushed, organization makes me feel good and anxious all at the same time.  Then days like today make it more apparent how much I might need a schedule.

Its seems lately that if even one thing is off, I can throw off an entire day...Like I will today.  At 9am I said I will get the kids ready and head to the store.  Then 9:15 rolled around and one was dressed, the other half dressed and me, well I was half dressed too.  Then I left Diego on so I could get fully dressed and then began to talk to my mother.  9:30 rolled around and now Diego #2 is on and kids are attached.  While Diego #2 is on and I am trying to get dressed, baby girl is rubbing the eyes which can only mean she needs to nap.  If I put her down for a nap I will be home for another 2 hours....if I don't put her down she will A. fall asleep in the car and freak out when I take her out or B. be in a horrible mood.  I need the stuff from the store to do what I had planned today so if I wait 2 hours I will be walking around aimlessly for 2 hours.

This would have all been ok if i just got out by 9 like I wanted to.  I feel like this is that Story "If you give a Mouse  Cookie".

If you don't follow your schedule, your kid will get hooked into Diego, if your kid gets hooked into Diego and you turn it off he will have a melt down, if he has a melt down you will have to ignore him, if you ignore him he will upset his sister, if he upsets his sister you will have 2 screaming children, if you have two screaming children you will get a headache and if you get a head ache you will never get to the store anyway....

I'm playing it by ear.....

Because Autism Parents Need To Save!

Well I hope everyone had a wonderful and uneventful Thanksgiving this year!  Frankie was actually very well behaved, Baby Girl on the other hand.....out of control.  I was suppose to make a second stop at my families house but, kids were so tired once 6:30 hit, it was over....by 8:45 everyone was asleep, even the husband.   

So Now I am home and it is that time that Online shopping begins.  I am not one for Black Friday, I have a small bladder and I just cant wait on lines like that...no thank you.  Since I like to save money and I know every single family, especially those with children on the spectrum can afford to save some money, I'd like to share some of my sites with you :)

Ok first off there are TWO sites I frequent that usually have items discounted 50%-90% off.  My grandmother wanted to buy me a coat so I went on Zulily and found a Kenneth Cole Coat that retails for $209 for $65.....after coupon codes (which I will hook you up with later) the total was $66 with tax and shipping.  Beyond the Rack is the same Concept but with a broader range of items.

OK so after you sign up on those sites and can save up to 90% off on some items you can sign up next for eBates

Truthfully Ebates confused the crap out of me at first.  Basically you search your favorite stores, find them, follow the link through Ebates and get a % back in check form 4 times a year.  the past 2 years I have gotten my Christmas Cards through Snapfish using Ebates and have gotten 20% of my purchase back.  Both of the stores above can be found on Ebates with about 4% cash back...WOO HOO savings!

Lastly for your ultimate saving Check out Retailmenot.

I usually search for free shipping codes at RetailMeNot.  Today I found 20% off of Kohls, free shipping and 4% back using Ebates....I am a Happy Mommy.  I know its a lot of info but I am Semi passionate about saving as MUCH as possible, it pains me to think you can get 20% off and not even realize!  

Get Ready for Cyber Monday and use that extra Money Saved on those Super kids of yours!

Thanksgiving

 

Just want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving this year.  This will be our first diagnosed Thanksgiving which will make things a little easier.  I hate to make ASD an excuse, but it helps to explain Frankie's behavior.  It also keeps relatives from giving me Parenting books for Christmas.....yes that happened.  

I am Thankful for my family, my friends for the things I have no matter how small.  I am thankful for simple conveniences and grand gestures.  I am thankful for those who understand and accept us and for the patience of those around me.  I am thankful to all of Frankie's teachers, therapists and Doctors who have brought him so far in such a short time.   I am also thankful for those in the Autism and Special Needs community that I have become quick friends with here and in life.  Nothing has made this whole diagnoses easier then having others to talk to.  Having people that are going through the same things I am and sharing our stories.  

So Thank you all and may you be blessed with a Happy and Healthy Thanksgiving!

Well Now My Panties are in a Bunch

If you have heard it once, you have heard it a million times.....the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side.  I feel like this topic was covered already by myself and other blogs when it came to the severity  of our kids ASD.

Why are you so happy?  No why aren't you happier?  I need to laugh, no I need to complain....and then everyone judges each other for it.

Our new Judgement piece of the week.......How can one complain about co-pays and therapy costs and then proceed to spend money on other things?  How can one complain about services when their state covers more then another?  And now we are back at judgment square one.

Regardless of what you made, co-pays are annoying.  Every year they go up....$100 for an E.R. visit in which they glue my sons skin together....Thanks.  $25 every time a therapist comes to the house.....5 times a week.....unless you are a millionaire its annoying.  $4.50 for a bag of cookies that you know cost about $.50 to make...Annoying.  $45 for fish oil pills, $300 for a nutritionist, $200 for Proloquo, $500 for an Ipad....OK I can go on, whatever all these things cost a lot but help the kids so we buy it.......even when we know it cost a fraction of that to make those things or provide those services.  You can go on to argue that you don't get your kids those things because you cant afford it.....well neither can I so, I understand, but I'm not going to pounce on the person who can.

Everyone wants to blame those who have, you know why I don't have more?  Because I dropped out of nursing school and never got past an Associates Degree that's why, that was my choice.  I can't be mad at a family who may have more,  I put myself in this situation and now I have a child who could use more, but because of my decisions I cant give him all of it (hind sight is SOOO 20/20)  So those who have more are still entitled to bitch about how much things cost for Pete's sake, Autism is expensive!

Lastly, the idea that one state gets more then another does bother me.  Like I stated prior on Autism Daddy, the states didn't wake up one day and say, "hey lets give money to Autistic families for services" parents Fought for it.  If your state doesn't cover things, FIGHT for it.  If the next state over has services and you can find a great job there, MOVE.  I would move to the ends of the earth if I could get Frankie services but I am lucky and live in a great state.  In the term of greener grass, sure we get great services but when compared to the rest of the country my family falls right above average income.....In my part of this country, a family of for making under 88k is under poverty level.....I am considered waaaay below poverty level and because that figure is relative and averages out to the rest of the state we get no government help....NOTHING.  A two bedroom cost 2k a month, the average home price is $450k for a small house on a small plot where you will pay about 9k a year in taxes on top of your mortgage leaving you shelling out, after utilities, around 5k a month to live there.....So YES we get lots of services, that we are taxed out the rear for.

And while we live pay check to pay check I still have date night with my husband even if its Dominos and a bottle of wine.  Why?, why spend money I could save?  Because saving a marriage is most important.  Parents of Autistic Children have a higher divorce rate because they forget about each other.  Autism takes hold until you don't even know the other person anymore.  So if I have to skip picking up my coat from the dry cleaners or fixing my dishwasher so I can have a night out with the man I fell in love with so be it.  No one should judge anyone for that.

Nightmares

Oh man.....this will be quick post, but i had to share.  Little girl has been sick on and off for 2 weeks.  The minute they said Ear infection I freaked.....this is how it started with Frankie.  Frankie was 9 months old when he started constantly getting sick, at least Lia is 14 months old.

My mind is playing tricks on me, I am having anxiety, I keep thinking something is wrong with her.  I ave a gut wrenching fear of her falling into Autism too, it cant take the girl too, they say girls have a lesser chance right.  The doctor says he doesn't have any kids who has ASD with sisters with it.   Truth is, it is all in my head, its an irrational fear at this point.  She's hitting milestones, she has eye contact, she tries to talk.....I'm just irrational.

Knowing this, I still went to sleep last night and had a regression nightmare.  Ugh, i dreamed she didn't wave anymore, she didn't talk, I relived Frankie's whole toddler hood but it was Lia.  When she gets better and hits 15 months I might just get her evaluated to calm my nerves.....and then even if there was concern they can start super early.

NO mama

There is a new issue we are having.....its a Verbal child.  In the last week my son has accidentally let the cat out of the bag....he can answer yes or no questions and he has a sense of humor.  Now don't get me wrong I am SUPER happy about this, but it is posing a new set of issues that I wasn't exactly ready for.

Last week I blogged about the first real conversation I had with the boy here.  So instead of doing something I want him to do, instead of just following my lead while whining he can now say "No, I rather play trains".....um ok well NO, Mama rather you go potty.  I use to put food in front of him and he freaked out.  Then I realized chicken was always a sure thing....and then he realized he had options.  I started giving him options and now I get "no chicken, i want Cereal"......you cant eat cereal for dinner, what do you want for dinner "I want Crackers!"....no, no crackers how about Chicken "NOOOOOO, No chicken, 'Nola Bars".  AHHH......I'm so excited we can have these arguments, I really am, I am so thankful to God that he has given my son a voice, but now what?

So now he is having meltdowns because he realized he has options and I wont let him have them.  I'm not sure which ones are harder.  I guess the non verbal ones were worse because I had no idea what the issue was, now I know but I still don't know how to fix it.  I'm off to the super market to find new options, hopefully if he doesn't eat them Lia will.

As for the sense of Humor.......Mr. Smarty pants has mastered matching...letters to word sounds etc. Except now he will pretend he doesn't know.  He will purposely match the wrong things and say "uh.....no that is not a match"(insert hysterical laughing here).... Q and Chicken....THAT NOT A MATCH HAHAHAHAHA!  He's too funny.  At our last Appointment to talk about his development he kept turning the lights off in the doctors office.  He would turn the light off and laugh and say "oh no its soooo very Dark in here!!!"  Fantastic kid, I am trying to discuss your mitochondria.  Eventually I had to stand up in front of the switch which got him annoyed.  Frankie yelled at me he pointed to the char and yelled "No, mama, You sit down, NOW"......Dr. Jassey said " i see he has progressed in language" Lol....yes yes he has.

I guess with anything, this is a new chapter, I'm just on the first page....I'll figure it out, I always do.

My Son the Artist

No, he is not one of those kids thats some artistic Savant, but he does like his Crayons.  I mentioned earlier this week    "truth is you can paint how the world is suppose to be for your kids but in the end they are going to do what they want with it.....like put turtles in a tree and butterflies in the sun :)"

So here they are Flying pigs in the Sun, swimming chickens and turtles in a tree.  

When You Know Something Is Wrong

So this is the second time I have come across the issue of knowing something is up with another persons child.....and they do not.  I suppose I am lucky because neither person was a good friend by any means, but it still seems to make me feel odd.

The first time was at a baby play group, one mom kept saying her child was constantly hurting himself and other kids.  She went on and poured out all these emotions and concerns as her 18 month old son ran around haphazardly grunting.  She said "who do you call for early intervention".....and i handed over the number that was nicely stored in my phone.  I tried to comfort this woman, who was basically a stranger, and tell her it would be ok and he didn't seem so bad, it was probably nothing just a phase.  It was then I was mentally brought back to that same time in my life, the time when I looked at other moms and hoped they told me my son was fine.  They did.....they were lieing....and so did I.

This last time was at the doctors office on Wednesday while the kids were playing.  This little boy flapping around and spinning, spinning took a fancy to Frankie's Thomas trains that he left on the little play table.  Frankie caught wind and went over and took them back.  Little boy freaked out, FREAKED, not a normal freaked out either.  Mom came over and apologized and there I was seeing myself in another person.  She did this thing I use to do before I knew what was going on....I would talk out loud to myself pretending I was talking to the boy, maybe as a cry for help.  She said " are you hungry, not that you eat anything, not that you can tell me what you would want to eat.  Its not like you talk ever.  imagine a two year old who just doesn't want to talk"  Bells were going off in my head but of course this woman was a complete stranger.....

The question is what is that fine line.....when do you make a comment.  No one wants to hear Autism, I think you can throw a mom into tears or a fit of rage if you threw the idea of Autism their way.   I just wish there were rules....

Um I cant help it

Yea, um not like me to be promoting fast food but......I just had a new Burger at Wendy's and I think i died and went to heaven.  I have no idea about the new menu, i didn't even know they changed the burger.  What i did know is the boy likes the oranges and Wendy's will ALWAYS win over McDonalds when I'm in a jam. 

I don't know it was frigen delicious whatever they did to it.  Better content later....now I'm in burger heaven.

I can make you Aware but....

......I cant change make you accept.

I just got done reading a wonderful blog post over at AutismWars which compelled me to write today.  Kids have been sick for about 2 weeks now, its like they ping pong back and forth and my brain is just all over the place.  So when Jenny's blog post from last April gave me inspiration I had to jump on it.

Earlier this week I had to deal with  disgruntled reader who a.) does not believe Autism is a disease because there is no Scientific Evidence Supporting it.  b.) Says we should all think outside of the box and that our kids are NOT sick, society has programmed us to believe that.  c.)  wants me to educate them. So like I said, I can make people aware but I cant make you accept.

This reader is AWARE of Autism, they just don't feel like Buying it..... THAT'S the problem.  People see our bumper stickers, they see the puzzle pieces, they are completely aware of Autism, but will they choose to accept it?

I too was Aware but had no idea until it was on my front door.  I too was one of those waitresses who could not understand why people could not handle their kids.  I too believed vaccine injury was crap.  I too thought Jenny McCarthy was insane.  I too boldly believed nothing like that could ever happen to my child.

Funny that I denied it would ever be me, yet another part of me was convinced it would be.  When I was younger I saw a commercial of a Mom putting a child into a car seat as he looked off into the distance.  As she walk away it said 1 in 150 children will be diagnosed with Autism....and as it said that I kid you not I thought to myself  "That's going to be me".   My question is, What in Gods name did that commercial do other then scare the shit out of me.  NOTHING, it didn't give you one single idea of what the hell Autism was about.

Like Jenny said in her Autism Wars Blog post, we are all preaching to the choir.  We all KNOW, we talk to each other about Making people aware but it needs to go further then that.  There is one image of Autism out there, Rainman type or Non -Verbal.  I never see extremely attractive and charming  3 year old that constantly runs away laughing as i try to grab him by the neck before he runs in the street.

The people that see me with the child described like to believe my child is bad and I am also a bad mother.  I lived a year of my life convinced my child was a horrible child who defied me because he hated me.  I did everything, I brought him to social groups, mommy and me, doctors, punished him in all forms, crap I even went back to work and put him in daycare because someone could do better.  It turns out I wasn't a horrible mother and my kid wasn't bad he just had NO idea what I was saying.  At 30 months old my son had the receptive language of a NINE month old....WTF?  That's Autism????  Lining up the trains obsessively and freaking out when they fall over...that's Autism? Stacking cans is Autism?  Jumping for hours is Autism?  Shaking your head uncontrollably is Autism?  Not talking.....wait the Dr said boys talk later then girls......oh shes an idiot so that's Autism too?

That's the issue, the public is made aware of classic Autism.  A kid that won't look at you, Won't let you talk to them, or touch them.  A kid who sits in the corner rocking.  They never tell you about the kid who cant handle loud noise, the kid who cant handle how sand feels on their feet, the kid who lays on top of you constantly to get sensory input, the kid who cant physically sit through dinner at a restaurant.....i could go on forever.

Someone needs to make the public accept our kids.  They are Aware, they need to Accept damn it.

Beautiful Words

Before Frankie was Diagnosed or uttered a word I always got the same comment.  "One day he will start talking and you will never get him to shut up.  You will long for the days when he didn't talk"  You have no idea how many times I heard that.  I remember being pregnant and overly hormonal crying, thinking I would never know what my son sounded like unless it was in nonsense Jargon, grunts or screaming. 

I wrote emails to people asking what I was suppose to do, where I was suppose to go since at that point I had abandoned out pediatrician, who was still on the wait and see bandwagon.  Most never got back because I was contacting the wrong people.  I remember being 8 months pregnant, sitting in the dark, convinced my son had Autism and it meant no future.

I had no Idea of the ins and outs of Autism.  I knew what I read on Web MD, what the doctors said that vaccines didn't cause it etc. etc.  So I kept getting him vaccinated and in January I finally had the evaluation done.  He knew how to say "Ready, Set, GO".....that was it. 

I'm thankful for the psychologist because he did let us down easy, and did give us hope. He really wasn't one of those types that coldly said Autism and walked out of the room to leave you like you just got punched in the stomach.  I think because of him I wasn't as depressed as I could have been.

After about 3 months of intense therapy, Frankie started one word comments, sometimes even 2.  In recent weeks he has started strings of sentences.  Today he said "I see Andrea, I go to school?"  to which I sadly had to say, "No we have to go to the Dr.".  We pulled up to the office and he said " mama that is Dr. Jassey office" 

He is amazing, and I love hearing his beautiful words!  Even when they are used improperly.    I cant help it, I love to hear him.  Granted its only been a few months, but I could hear him say Lia, Lia, Lia, Lia Lia.....all day and not care.  He can repeat the same question over and over or tell me his " feets is broken" when his shoe fell off for hours....it wouldn't matter.

I start thinking the non stop talking may eventually get to me.   But then I just have to bring myself back to that place when I thought he would never utter a word and I remember I am blessed that he can annoy me.

I'm Dr. Awesome......

and So is Jenny McCarthy.

I got my first nasty Email today.  From a girl who was an acquaintance in HS and a facebook friend later in life.  It got me thinking, which makes me want to set somethings strait for my "sycophant army" as she put it. 

First, I do NOT put out medical advice.  Any medical things I put out there are things my son is going through with the instructions of a good old MD.  This is not meant to offend anyone on the other end but I am not using a DAN! doctor at the moment, I am using a regular doctor that is seeing the light.  All doctors I have been to have been regular specialists who have no ties to Biomedical approaches, they looked at my sons blood work and said "Mrs. NT MOM this is what we have to do".  So, I do not think I am a doctor, nor am I playing one on TV or Blog land.

Second, I am not pimping out my child.  I have this nifty little Tab up in the right hand corner, it says Donate.  I put it there, because I saw on MANY other blogs that inspired me the same tab.  Never do I expect or require anyone to Donate to me.  My husband works very hard and I in turn work very hard to save money and live frugally so that we can pay to live and I can stay home and raise my children instead of having a stranger do it.  Do we struggle, yes, but do I blog asking for money NEVER...and I NEVER will.  I apologize if that tab ever offended anyone, but that was not the purpose.  As parents of children on the Spectrum, you understand that many things are not covered by insurance and I figured if a Bill Gates type one day stumbled onto my blog and liked it well.....the option was open.  So again my apologies, I never meant to offend.

Third, I do not lock my kids inside.  Holy Crap, that was taken so out of context.  This is when I get annoyed at those who "aren't living in my shoes"  There are just days where it is just not super awesome to take your tired 3 year old out in public so he can have a melt down and have people look at me.  Apparently according to this person

"you and your sycophant army can't deal with the reality that parents are responsible for their children's behaviour whether they're dying of cancer or they're just starved for attention because mommy cares more about broadcasting every moment of her life on FB while hoping the kid shuts up and reads his Ipad instead of menacing his baby sister."

Me and the attention starved children, see how he menaces his sister......um yea

 Its like no matter how hard people try to explain what life with Autism is, people still will not understand.  I spend so much time with my son its not even funny, the kid sleeps in my damn bed most nights.  Of course we are responsible for our children's behaviors, Deal God, He has  BEHAVIORAL THERAPIST for Gods sakes, all our kids do!

SO for those who think I am neglecting my children to Blog, I am sorry that you misunderstand.  I'm sorry that you don't know that I blog when they go to bed and finish them in the morning.  I'm sorry you don't realize my son is in school 7 hours a day and my daughter takes 2 - 1.5 hour naps so I have a lot of down time.  I'm sorry you don't realize that he Ipad is hidden on top of a Armoire and only used at certain times as a reward.  And that I chronicle my sons life to help other people.  I'm sorry I offended anyone, or hurt peoples feelings, that's never my intention.

I'm going back to my peaceful little place, your welcome in whenever, we have cake pops and will embrace you with Love, night folks!

Our Special Children and the Bonds that Bring us Parents Together

No one has ever said "Your Blogging is silly Danielle" but my husband has made comments like "how can you tell me you didn't have time to make dinner you posted 4 blogs today" (lol)

If there is anything I could ever have taken away from this Blog, its the beautiful Nature of Parents with Children who Have Special Needs.  Whether is be Autism or Cerebral Palsy, Downs Syndrome to Krabbe Leukodystrophy.....we all have a bond that makes us a community. 

A year ago, I stumbled upon the story of Anaya.  I was on a page that was for Breastfeeding Mothers and there they had posted a need for Breast Milk for this dear girl.  Anaya suffered from Krabbe Leukodystroph Disease,  which is a rare, often fatal degenerative disorder that affects the myelin sheath of the nervous system.  I had wanted to pack up some pumped breast Milk and ship it to Canada, but seeing that I couldn't even pump enough for my own child, it wasn't really possible.

I followed their story, praying for some sort of miracle, I watched in March as they thought they were going to loose her, and that tough little girl pulled through it.  I watched her turn two in August and thanked the Lord for letting her make it to that Milestone.

A few days ago Anaya's mom Camara had posted that they were sure Anaya had Pneumonia and were bringing her to the hospital.  Unfortunately, it wasn't Pneumonia, Anaya's lungs had stopped working and she needed to be on life support to stay alive.  The decision had been made by her parents to take her off the life support and let her pass.

24 hours ago I learned of the situation and started praying.   I posted a photo of Camara holding Anaya getting ready to soon let her go and so many people sent their prayers  In those 24 hours I have seen Anaya's Facebook group grow by over 2,000 people.  In 24 hours I watched people out pour love to a complete stranger and in about 1 hour  I watched an Autism Mommy Frantically search for a Photographer though Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep to volunteer to take Pictures for Anayas family as they spend their final moments together. 

Anaya is now grown her wings, but it was a beautiful gesture by "Autism is a Trip" that made me realize we are really a community, and a community of good people at that.   Wendy and Jessica (who took the photos), you have wonderful hearts!  You restore my belief in humanity.  We are a community and I'm so happy to be part of it.

Rest in Peace Sweet Anaya, may you be with the Angles......

Green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you

Once Upon a time, a long long time ago, I listened to music quite a lot.  I don't do that much anymore because.....well I don't know why.  Maybe because old music brings me somewhere sad, somewhere where I had different dreams and a different outlook for my future.  I have a hard time with nostalgia, its hurts my insides....even happy times hurt my insides so I try not to dwell on the past.

Anyway, today I went back and listened to one of my all times favorite songs "Green Eyes" by Coldplay.  In my youth I selfishly thought that any man who would be worthy enough to marry me  would have to psychically know I loved this song and he would proceed to propose to me with it (I have green eyes, if you couldn't figure that out already).  In my 8 years of date, not one guy was psychic....or even liked Coldplay enough to have a clue.  Regardless this song has stayed my favorite.

 14 months ago I gave birth to a little Green Eyed baby girl.  Today after reading the lyrics i realized.....this song i not about me, its about Lia.  It was never for me, it has always been a song I loved because it would be for her.  Ah, Baby Girl, Shes insane, but she is mine :)

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand

That green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could, anybody, deny you

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter, now I’ve met you
And honey you should know, that I could never go on without you

Green eyes

Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know

That green eyes, you’re the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who, tried to deny you must be out of their mind

Cause I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter, since I met you
Honey you should know, that I could never go on without you

Green eyes
Green eyes

Ohohohohooooo
Ohohohohooooo

Ohohohohooooo
Ohohohohooooo

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand

Diary of Thursday

I'm frazzled today.  Four blogs in one day, I'm on FIRE!  Ok well 2 of them were relatively short and didn't have much thought behind them.  Just random blurbs of my thoughts and events.



Today I am pondering my new personality that has emerged in the last 2 years....the one where I became a Hermit.  I use to like to be everywhere, out and about, center of the mess that is youth.  Now I am usually alone with my thoughts, spewing them onto this Blog.  I'll say it a million times, THIS IS MY THERAPY.  If i had the insurance to cover it, I would defiantly be in therapy.  Actually, maybe not.  I'm not depressed, or unhappy, I guess I am just not being the person people expected.  Again that is my own perception, no one ever said that.

My husband wants me to get friends, I told him no thank you I'm happy with the few I have.  He tries to push me to do things, but I rather not.  Leaving the house is work for me.  The idea of leaving this house makes me feel like I am walking through a pool of caramel......its that much of a chore, I literally feel it all over my body.  

I feel like I am doing my children a disservice because I'm not running around to play dates, mommy and Me's, grandparents houses, the park, the zoo, the where ever else you bring kids......blah.  I can't, its hard enough in my HOUSE, I cant take them out. 


I don't make calls, I have nothing to say.  UGH, its sad, I mean I literally have nothing to talk about.  Unless its about Autism, the kids, baking or my sister-in-laws up coming wedding (very exciting, gives me something to look forward to doing) I have nothing to talk about.  Again, its not personal, its not that I don't miss everyone, I just don't like talking about nothing.  Then when Autism comes up I feel like an encyclopedia rambling off figures and stats and info that makes peoples head spin.....then it gets weird. 

I am tired, I m vegging out, waiting for my husband to get home...blah. 

Is Three a Charm?

No, I'm not pregnant, nor are we even talking about getting pregnant.  The thing is today I had a mini melt down as I was packing Frankie's summer clothes away to be shipped off to someone else.  In the past year I have just gotten rid of clothes and stopped saving them for "the next baby" like I use to.  Even with Lia, I kept the things i thought were cute and shipped the rest away to family who had a baby girl.

So in the mess of emotions and anxiety I called my mom and said I'm keeping the last season of clothes.  She said she would store them, basically I have boxes of clothes stashed in various relatives houses with the cute items I cant let go of. 

Then the emotions came up, should we ever contemplate another child in the future or should I throw in the towel.  At 27 and 29 we didn't feel we should make a permanent decision, but with one child on the spectrum and one with a Diva attitude (I kid, sort of) should we chance a 3rd?  And if that 3rd was a boy, who grew to be typical, who grew to be the things we dreamed for  Frankie, would it feel like we replaced our first son?  And am I a horrible mother for assuming that Frankie wouldn't grow up to achieve greatness....

A Ball of emotions, that is me today.  This happens every time i switch the clothes out.  I don't know what it is about them.  I'm not a psychic of any sorts but I can hold things and it will flood me with emotions and memories, i just cant let the clothes go.

I'm keeping them, time will tell.  Right now, i just don't know

Something Wonderful Just Happened!

I must blog about it because it is that Important and Wonderful.  I was going to just Status update, but no, too Important!

I just had a Conversation with my Son!!!!

Italics, Bold and Underlined!

Me: Are you Wet or Dry?

Frankie: I Dry

Me: Do you want to try pee pee on the Potty?

Frankie: No

Me: Frankie, lets try Pee pee on the potty...

Frankie: NO!  I rather Play Trains

Wait what?!?!  I didn't even know "I rather" was part of your vocabulary!  Where the F did that come from?    Now he is narrating the beginning of Thomas and Friends.  He is Fantastic, Oh happy day!

Thoughless Thursday #1

How Negative, I know, but I suppose I can make light or dare I say Joke about the BS I hear from strangers and sometimes even people I know.  So here it is, The First Thoughtless Thursday Comment

"Did you Ever think of trying Time-Out"

Really?  No I NEVER thought of that one.  I must have been living under a rock the last few years. Super Nanny?  Who's that?  What a novel idea, put the kid in a chair and isolate him and all my prayers will be answered.   

Yes, I tried it.  No matter how many times we sat in time out, the behavior occurred again.  He never got it, it never clicked that Time out was bad.  If he hates time out, he could just slam his head against the step he was sitting on......repeatedly.  Now he LIKES time out.  He sits there and smiles.  

Thank you for the Pearls of Wisdom stranger!

Seeing differences

I think one of the oddest things for parents of children on the spectrum who have typical children also, is seeing the difference.  Here is one difference I noted about 5 minutes ago.  My son after about 10 or 11 months had no real interest in toys or any attachment to them. 



My daughter is attached to her "baby" and needs to sleep with "purple puppy".  She cuddle her toys and plays with them appropriately.  My son on the other hand would have rather stacked cans and line up trains.  He once loved his "puppy"  loved it so much I paid $20 on eBay to get an identical one just in case.  Then one day, along with other skills, he lost his love for "puppy".  Puppy and his twin were packed away as he enjoyed lining his trains up much more then playing with anything else. 

Well, puppy has found a new home in a new crib.  On a happy note, the boy plays much more appropriately now.  though puppy has been passed along, he now sleeps with a much more grow up stuffed animal...."Dino" LoL

Here is an "I Hate Autism" kind of Post

I hate Autism because its causes me even more difficulty getting a 3 year old to eat.  There are days I want to throw my hands up and tell him to starve.  I throw enough food out in a week to feed a Family of 4.

God forbid I run out of chicken nuggets (like I did today)  my son won't eat.  He will eat about 1/2 a cup of vegetables and scream for an hour over the thought of eating something as Insane as a Hot dog.  From a therapy standpoint I should ignore the behavior or just keep at it till he eats, but we forget that Daddy is not home at dinner time and the one year old in the high chair will start chiming in the minute the boy starts screaming.

Nothing is more awesome then a 3 year old and a one year old screaming in harmony!  SO he ate some vegetables after practically vomiting up the finger nail size piece of hot dog and then i dismissed him because I cant handle the screaming and throwing yourself off a chair thing anymore.

Little Miss Piggy calmed down and ate her dinner, plus Frankies hot dog and his vegetables......

Aren't We On the Same Team?

I will State this again.....WE ARE ON THE SAME TEAM.

"Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. The ability to direct individual accomplishment toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results."- Andrew Carnegie

Our objective is to Spread Autism Awareness,  to Open the eyes of people that this is an Epidemic and To SUPPORT each other regardless of each persons personal beliefs.

I have said it before, I started this Blog for me, I was having a selfish time and needed it.  As time has gone by, I have come to realize it is more then just me here, its us, its WE!   As with any large group of people, there are many different personalities, opinions, view points and attitudes. My ideal perfect Autism World we could all be one unit, a unit that can spread Awareness and get the services we need, heal our kids (partially or fully), find out what is happening and see if we can stop it. 

There are many school of thought, It's the vaccines, its genetic, its environmental, its better diagnosis, lets "cure" it, lets recover them, we should leave them the way they are, try Biomedical, ABA is the only way, ABA is robotic, Naturalistic play is best, it goes on and on.  Apparently there is also a rift in how parents should cope with Autism, Laugh, Cry, complain constantly, be depressed, be fake, Be real, be honest, cover it up.

As Voltaire said     "I may not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it."

Everyone is entitled to believe what they want to believe and handle it in the way they see fit.   No one is better then anyone else for what they believe or how they cope with Autism.  No one is the Autism Authority here, not me, not you , not the guy across the street, no one.  


I challenge you to say enough, enough with the back and forth, enough with the bickering, enough with the passive aggressive behavior towards one another because guess what We Need To Work TOGETHER.  What works for your kid may not work for another kid, but that is not the issue at hand.  

The issue is getting our children more services, to get Doctors to open their eyes and work with us to help our kids and Stop telling us its all psychological, to get people to realize our kids are not misbehaving but have a disorder, to get insurance companies to pay for therapy and medical interventions for our kids, to raise money for families who are struggling and going bankrupt because of Autism.....there a a million more Common issues we have that we must join together and fight for.  


SO enough with the debating on whether or not vaccines caused Autism or if a parents Laughing about Autism is counterproductive for a parent. I hope we can work as a group, from one end of the spectrum to the other and everyone in between.  Our kids deserve it and so do we. 

Somtimes the Best Therapy is No Therapy

Ah, bucket foot.  Yesterday had to be one of the better days we had in a long time.  Nothing fancy happened, we sadly missed a church and our friends First Birthday Party to be quarantined in our apartment for the day

In my house with two snotty croupy kids, no school, no therapy, no help, husband at work......just me and them.  In the morning I was nervous to be honest, I wasn't sure what every ones behavior was going to be like, and I didn't want to try and guess.  But honestly I was pleasantly surprised. 

Before Frankie's Diagnosis, things were not very structured for us.  We ate whenever, slept whenever, hopped into the car and went on little trips to the mall or the park etc.  After Lia was born and then after Frankie started therapy, things became very routine, very structured,  very boring if you ask me.  At this point, my son gets up at 7am, eats, gets dressed, plays with his sister, gets on the bus at 8:15.  He gets home at 3pm to be met by a therapist on Mondays and Thursdays for an hour..... at 5pm we eat at 6pm we bathe at 6:45 Lia is in bed by 7 Frankie is laying with me on the couch and usually passes out by 8.

That's our day, I feel more like a warden then the fun mommy I use to be.  Implementing behavior strategies, trying to get him to eat new food, refereeing between 2 kids (where the one year old is nastier then the 3 year old). Recently on Friday nights Frankie has been staying at my mother in laws over night and then by Saturday I have been trying to go see my dad 30 minutes away or we have a party or wedding to go to.  Sundays are church and then my Mother in law wants to take him usually after (we use to live with them so she does miss him a ton).  Unfortunately, though I love sending him to see his grandparents, I feel like I personally don't get to spend any fun  time with him. 

I realized this Sunday, where we were all sick, that my son is a pretty funny and amazing kid to spend the day with.  I think some days, even though routine is good, I need to step back and just have fun with him.  The amount of functional language he has is great! I had no idea!  I think the funniest thing of the night was when he asked to "clean with sponge" the whole kitchen.   My other favorite line was when we got out of the tub he runs around screaming "Don't make poop on the rug!" . 

I need more days like yesterday.  Fun filled bucket foot, sponge cleaning, NO POOP on the rug kinda fun!

The Special Mother by Erma Bombeck....for you Moms

The Special Mother by Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit. This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth; son. Patron saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

"Forrest, Marjorie; daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia."

"Rutledge, Carrie; twins. Patron saint, Matthew."

Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God, "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make him live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you." God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect -she has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps - "selfishness? is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a "spoken word". She will consider a "step" ordinary. When her child says "Momma" for the first time, she will be present at a miracle, and will know it!"

"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice....and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side".

"And what about her Patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.

God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."

My Coping Skill are Fine Thank You

 

I was laying in bed with my boy having a fantastic cuddle time when we decided to check the Blog out.  The comments are great, the encouragement and compliments are greatly appreciated and then I stumbled on this comment from "Puzzled" : 

"I'm not laughing with you. I agree that a well-placed joke can help lighten a stressful situation. But, such jokes are usually self-effacing, or are otherwise between friends. From the quips you have shared above you risk appearing arrogant, defiant and self indulgent. When any child harms someone else, whether the child is on the spectrum, has ADHD, Downs Syndrome, or any of the range of cognitive or behavioural disorders, you should be careful not to appear to dismiss & mock the situation. Learn a better coping strategy & you will get a great deal more support if you respond with maturity & humility. If you feel mortified & like you want to cry, just say that! Why is it unpalatable to be honest about autism? Your comment to a stranger, "well I guess insurance would get her a new house... awesome", was in poor taste. Yet you are critical when people won't indulge you? This whole 'they don't walk in my shoes' mentality is destructive and does not give us license to treat others with contempt."

Now for my rebuttal.   I was very taken aback by many of the assumptions made in regards to my blog post.  Granted I know you didn't say that I actually was arrogant, defiant or self indulgent but to make the comment that I could be seen as those lovely adjectives was a tad bit harsh.  I think by assuming you know everything about my situation and who I am by one blog post can be seen as Arrogant.  

Never in that post did I say that I don't fix my sons behaviors.  If and when my son hurts another child or person the proper measures are taken to insure that he understands it was NOT ok and that it does not happen again.  As for the candle incident I was not there, my in laws had my son, I was told about it hours later.  If I was there I WOULD NOT dismiss the situation that occurred and I would take care of it properly according to our behavioral plan.  As for the stranger that gave me a look, maybe I was harsh towards her.....but she is also the same woman who kneed my one year old daughter in the face because she ASSUMED she was a Dog.  Why thinking kneeing a 10 pound dog is acceptable either is beyond me, but I digress. 

You ask why it is "unpalatable" to be honest about Autism....I am being honest about Autism.  This is it....I'm laying it all out for ya right here.  My coping skills are fine, this is my coping skills.  I am not saying it is not ok to cry, but I rather have my children and my husband see me as a happy mother then a mother who is sobbing in self wallowing pitty day in and day out because my son has run into the street over and over no matter how many times the issue is corrected, over corrected, disciplined, ignored.....I refuse to let this take over who I am as a person so that I can cry all day.  Because THAT IS AUTISM, a crappy disorder that can bring a Grown man to his knees in tears.  

I have no Idea if you have a child on the spectrum, nor am I going to assume you do or you don't.  The comment you made:

"This whole 'they don't walk in my shoes' mentality is destructive and does not give us license to treat others with contempt.""

 is garbage.  I never have held others in contempt.  Constantly I have strangers mouth off to me about my son.  They ask why he doesn't talk, why is he screaming, why is he spinning, he should be nicer, he should be quiet, he should not be running.  They roll their eyes at me, they give me looks of disgust and the ENTIRE TIME I shut my mouth and say nothing as to be respectful.  Don't you think its those people who are taking license to treat me and my child with contempt?  Just a thought.  

And here some more fuel for your fire...see that picture.  That was before my son was diagnosed.  That day I was so frustrated with him, he was non verbal, extremely stimmy, throwing things, slamming his head into the wall.....I remember it was just a horrific day.  SO I took a pic and sent it to my cousin and told her I was sending him on the train to her and he would be there in 45 minutes, just look for the sign that said "Murray".  And after I took this pic I took the sign off and cuddled with my son and told him I LOVED him more than anything, and then I CRIED and rocked my baby to sleep because I had no idea what was wrong with him or how to fix it.....2 months later I found out what was wrong, and I STILL don't know how to fix it.  This is my life and Im going to laugh.   Thank you.

Thank You

That photo was taken the day before the maddness that is Autism knocked on our door.  I remember, I remember they came to my house and the psychologist played with my son and told me how smart he was.  After it was all said and done he leaned back and asked if we wanted to know what he thought.....

"I see some orange flags here" he said...."not so much RED Flags but certainly Orange Flags for Autism Spectrum disorder, Not classic Autism, no not that" Now, looking back I don't know if that was his way of letting us know easily or if this man was color blind.  Anyway, I spent three months in a diagnosis fog.  You know that fog, the one where you think "maybe its not true, that guy looked a little crazy himself" So for three months I digested and had on my rose colored glasses and told everyone I was sure he would out grow it.

So after denial state is over comes something that is a mixture of confusion, depression, bargaining, and who knows what else......it was in that mess I started this Blog. And like the Blog I opened a Fan page on Facebook for my own sanity, not so much anyone elses.

 I so desperately needed to find someone with a child like mine.  A child who at the age of 2.5 knew the whole alphabet and by 3 had memorized over 200 words by site and could "read" but then at the same time was refusing to eat anything but chicken nuggets, spin in circles until he ran into a wall, had to constantly be rubbing up on me and couldn't follow simple directions with out having a melt down because he had no idea what the hell I walk talking about....."Stand up? Stand up??!?!?!"....melt downs after asking stand up, seriously?

Sweet now I had a blog and fan page to vent on!  There were people and pages that got me through in the beginning, Blogs being Bubbles make Him Smile who was my first inspiration and Regarding Caroline.  Then there were my Facebook Crew- Autism Warrior Long Island, NY,  Autism Daddy, Lost and Tired, Autism is a Trip and John's Mom.  They were my inspiration, they were my go to pages, they were who I strived to be.  There are many more in the community that inspired me and helped me through my dark crappy times also that I may have forgotten.  To you all, Thank You! 

Today I was told by a few people that they found my page and it helped them and made them feel better.  Wait, what?  Me?  I just made this Blog to complain and and swim around in my own tears.  I suppose eventually it has all taken a turn as I describe the garbage we are going through, medical, emotional, bodily functional....its all here.  Its all here so you can relate.

I am happy to be here for anyone who needs a shoulder to cry on,  an ear to listen a brain to pick for advice....I even have a sweet pool of tears you can come swim in with me.  So to my fans I thank you too, I hope that I make a difference to you and that you can pass the torch to the next newly diagnosed family. 

Laughing Stops you from crying.....

Soooo You mean not EVERYONES child's bedroom door looks like this?  I think people think I'm being crass sometimes when I talk about our life, but I cant help it.  First let me say, I LOVE my life, I love my family and I love my children.  Truth is I have to be honest....and honestly, some days suck and on those sucky sucky days I have to laugh and make fun of my situation.

Do you see that door?......Most people would NOT post that picture on the Internet.  They also wouldn't admit to not fixing it because it gives me an easy way to watch my son when he insists on closing the door.  Why do I put it up you ask......because I have to laugh at it.  I have to laugh at it because the truth hurts.  The fact that my child could lock a door and then proceed to turn the light off on himself but NOT be able to understand simple directions on how to turn the light back on.  He was in there SCREAMING, at this point he was still really non verbal and only ecolalic.  He screamed "turn the light on Frankie" "calm down, turn the light on Frankie"...after 45 minutes I broke the lock out.  My husband later told me I should have called him instead of ruining the door, but I couldn't think, my only thought was to take a hammer to the door.

I've called my son Crazy or out of his mind (never in front of him) and I think people nervously laugh, thinking I'M the crazy one for saying that about my son, but they don't have children on the spectrum and there are days where he is CRAZY and I in turn am also crazy.

Yesterday Frankie threw a pillow at a candle before my sister in laws jewelry party.  Upon learning of it I laughed and said to a stranger, "well I guess insurance would get her a new house, that would be awesome."  The women looked at me like I was insane.....yea I made a joke lady, I made a joke because other wise I would cry.  Lia hit her head, everyone freaked, she was fine....I told them shes resilient because her brother threw a toy stroller at her and she didn't blink an eye.....I laughed....they looked at me.

Maybe people think I am laughing at my sons expense, I am just being honest and trying to make it light hearted.  I joke because its easier to say " Its ok if Frankie stays 3 forever, I love babies, I can cuddle with him when he is 30" then "my son will never grow up to live alone and have a job or give me grand kids".  I wonder sometimes if people un-fan my page because of something I said that was not politically correct or filtered through rose colored glasses.  I think most of you mommy's understand, I know you are there with me.  One day the others will understand, we are not bitter or unhappy, crass or rude.  We are just honest and honestly we have to laugh so we don't cry.

It's a Lilly Pulitzer Give Away....BC me's Favorite!

dsf

So here it is, a Giveaway that any mommy could use, especially us!  

three lucky winners will get their share of Lilly loot, worth more than $750!
one winner will receive a dress + a pair of shoes

two winners will receive an accessory

{winners will chose their items from the ones I featured in this post} 

( Click the Link above or here to here to get to {Long Distance Loving} to enter)

Once upon a time before I had children and all my money was for ME, Lilly Pulitzer was my guilty pleasure.  Dresses, shoes, bags, accessories, home goods from Lilly Lined my closet.  Even into motherhood I would buy a Lilly dress for special occasions, who can resist those prints?   I even wanted to name Lia, Lilly........My husband said no, well Lia was close enough ;)

Well, after Frankie's diagnosis we needed to save money and focus on him.  I made a hearbreaking desision, I sold all my dresses except two.  It helped a lot financially, but packing those dresses up and shipping them off to new owners was pretty emotional, I felt like I was giving away a part of myself.  Now I'm left with my two dresses and my Lilly Travel Mug, but Im still a Lilly Pulitzer girl on the inside!

So to Enter I had to make a "Friday's Fancies" with at least two Lilly items.....well I made one with all!  Now If I could only win that dress!  Thanks for reading and letting me spill about my guilty pleasure :)

1. Whitaker Dress Printed - One shoulder long sleeve dress. Approx. 35 3/4" from shoulder to hem. Side invisible zipper with hook and eye closure. Hand wash cold. Silk cotton single knit jersey - print $258

2. Resort Chic Wedge Suede - Suede 3" peep toe with wood wedge, and rubber outsole. Imported. $198

3.Critter Earrings- Dress up your face with our latest addition in our jewelry line! Take a day off from hair duty and throw it in a bun-- let your ears get all the attention! $38

4.  Suddenly glasses are missing @Lilly Pulitzer

5. Mini Diva Bangles - These bangles were meant for stacking! Too much is never enough. Add these to your existing bangle collection or start fresh with our three fabulous jeweled colors.

Skinny cabachon stone jeweled bangle. Metal swirl cuff with opaque stones. $28

6.   Glam It Up Clutch -A beautifully simple clutch with more space for just lip gloss and cell and the sparkly sheen gives it the perfect evening look. $128


7. Coral Siesta Necklace - A whole lotta necklace for a completely do-able price. What do you see first in this necklace? The seahorse or coral? $58


8. Coil Belt -  Cinch it all in and tie it all together in one step! The perfect little detail to give off that polished look! It's also nice and flexible to adjust anywhere on your waist! $48