Thursday, November 10, 2011
Is Three a Charm?
No, I'm not pregnant, nor are we even talking about getting pregnant. The thing is today I had a mini melt down as I was packing Frankie's summer clothes away to be shipped off to someone else. In the past year I have just gotten rid of clothes and stopped saving them for "the next baby" like I use to. Even with Lia, I kept the things i thought were cute and shipped the rest away to family who had a baby girl.
So in the mess of emotions and anxiety I called my mom and said I'm keeping the last season of clothes. She said she would store them, basically I have boxes of clothes stashed in various relatives houses with the cute items I cant let go of.
Then the emotions came up, should we ever contemplate another child in the future or should I throw in the towel. At 27 and 29 we didn't feel we should make a permanent decision, but with one child on the spectrum and one with a Diva attitude (I kid, sort of) should we chance a 3rd? And if that 3rd was a boy, who grew to be typical, who grew to be the things we dreamed for Frankie, would it feel like we replaced our first son? And am I a horrible mother for assuming that Frankie wouldn't grow up to achieve greatness....
A Ball of emotions, that is me today. This happens every time i switch the clothes out. I don't know what it is about them. I'm not a psychic of any sorts but I can hold things and it will flood me with emotions and memories, i just cant let the clothes go.
I'm keeping them, time will tell. Right now, i just don't know