Thursday, November 10, 2011

Diary of Thursday

I'm frazzled today.  Four blogs in one day, I'm on FIRE!  Ok well 2 of them were relatively short and didn't have much thought behind them.  Just random blurbs of my thoughts and events.

Today I am pondering my new personality that has emerged in the last 2 years....the one where I became a Hermit.  I use to like to be everywhere, out and about, center of the mess that is youth.  Now I am usually alone with my thoughts, spewing them onto this Blog.  I'll say it a million times, THIS IS MY THERAPY.  If i had the insurance to cover it, I would defiantly be in therapy.  Actually, maybe not.  I'm not depressed, or unhappy, I guess I am just not being the person people expected.  Again that is my own perception, no one ever said that.

My husband wants me to get friends, I told him no thank you I'm happy with the few I have.  He tries to push me to do things, but I rather not.  Leaving the house is work for me.  The idea of leaving this house makes me feel like I am walking through a pool of caramel......its that much of a chore, I literally feel it all over my body.  

I feel like I am doing my children a disservice because I'm not running around to play dates, mommy and Me's, grandparents houses, the park, the zoo, the where ever else you bring kids......blah.  I can't, its hard enough in my HOUSE, I cant take them out. 

I don't make calls, I have nothing to say.  UGH, its sad, I mean I literally have nothing to talk about.  Unless its about Autism, the kids, baking or my sister-in-laws up coming wedding (very exciting, gives me something to look forward to doing) I have nothing to talk about.  Again, its not personal, its not that I don't miss everyone, I just don't like talking about nothing.  Then when Autism comes up I feel like an encyclopedia rambling off figures and stats and info that makes peoples head spin.....then it gets weird. 

I am tired, I m vegging out, waiting for my husband to get home...blah. 


  1. I am the same way. I have 3 kids, my middle man is PDD-NOS. Just thinking about going out with the 3 of them is exhausting. You are not alone! I do not think it is a disservice. I don't think when they get older they will think " I wish my mom took us out more when we were toddlers".
    I LOVE reading your blog:)

  2. If either of us socialized, we'd be BFF.