Thursday, November 10, 2011
Diary of Thursday
Today I am pondering my new personality that has emerged in the last 2 years....the one where I became a Hermit. I use to like to be everywhere, out and about, center of the mess that is youth. Now I am usually alone with my thoughts, spewing them onto this Blog. I'll say it a million times, THIS IS MY THERAPY. If i had the insurance to cover it, I would defiantly be in therapy. Actually, maybe not. I'm not depressed, or unhappy, I guess I am just not being the person people expected. Again that is my own perception, no one ever said that.
My husband wants me to get friends, I told him no thank you I'm happy with the few I have. He tries to push me to do things, but I rather not. Leaving the house is work for me. The idea of leaving this house makes me feel like I am walking through a pool of caramel......its that much of a chore, I literally feel it all over my body.
I feel like I am doing my children a disservice because I'm not running around to play dates, mommy and Me's, grandparents houses, the park, the zoo, the where ever else you bring kids......blah. I can't, its hard enough in my HOUSE, I cant take them out.
I don't make calls, I have nothing to say. UGH, its sad, I mean I literally have nothing to talk about. Unless its about Autism, the kids, baking or my sister-in-laws up coming wedding (very exciting, gives me something to look forward to doing) I have nothing to talk about. Again, its not personal, its not that I don't miss everyone, I just don't like talking about nothing. Then when Autism comes up I feel like an encyclopedia rambling off figures and stats and info that makes peoples head spin.....then it gets weird.
I am tired, I m vegging out, waiting for my husband to get home...blah.