Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Sharing the day at a time

Thank you NT mom readers for sharing the struggle, for your kind words and encouragement.  I am not a huge fan of my blog becoming a crying board for me, I want it to be a story of my sons progress and a place of support for others.  I quickly realized, that the struggle of sadness and isolation is part of my sons progress and that sometimes the author needs support too!

There are so many people in my life that love me, and sometimes that love hurts me more then it helps.  My sadness is not because of my marriage, its not anything my husband did, its not because of my living situation, its not money, its not even Autism sometimes.  It's waking up one day and realizing you are a different person, and you don't even know if you like her.  This new person is a bitch and she doesn't take care of her self or her family.  This person has snapped at her own children and punished them out of anger.  This person doesn't shower daily, not because she doesn't have time but because she is too lazy.  This person isn't affectionate to her husband because she forgot that sometimes someone might just want a hug.  This person doesn't make diaper cakes or headbands anymore because its too much work (this was my favorite past time),  This person told her husband to STFU because he asked if she was watching a show.  I could go on forever about this person I have become.  She sucks, she really does.

Like I said in my Remember You post, I'm doing everything one day at a time.  Today I will put on contacts and ditch the glasses, I will even go outside and go visit my husband @ the Chili Grill.  I will probably take a shower later and make a headband to send to someone special.  One day at a time, I know you cant be the same person you were when you were younger.  Seriously though, I loved 22 year old me, I mean, she might have went out a lot, but she was happy and confident and fun.  There are days I see glimmers of her, the less stressed, less frustrated 22 year old in me.  I don't need all aspects of her back, she really drank too much and smoked too many cigarettes, but maybe 50% of her.  I'm sure she will be back for Christmas......

 OK but maybe not this crazy :).....this picture makes me laugh every time

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